The Forgotten Kin: Aunts and Uncles

by Robert M. Milardo

• ISBN13: 9780521516761
• ISBN10: 0521516765
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2009-11-30
• Publisher: Cambridge University Press

Summary

Although much is written about contemporary families, the focus is typically limited to marriage and parenting. In this path-breaking assessment of families, sociologist Robert M. Milardo demonstrates how aunts and uncles contribute to the daily lives of parents and their children. Aunts and uncles complement the work of parents, sometimes act as second parents, and sometimes form entirely unique brands of intimacy grounded in a lifetime of shared experiences. The Forgotten Kin explores how aunts and uncles support parents, buffer the relationships of parents and children, act as family historians, and develop lifelong friendships with parents and their children. This is the first comprehensive study of its kind, detailing the routine activities of aunts and uncles, the features of families that encourage closeness, how aunts and uncles go about mentoring nieces and nephews, and how adults are mentored by the very children for whom they are responsible. This book aims to change the public discourse on families and the involvement of the forgotten kin across generations and households.

Table of Contents

List of Tables	p. ix
Preface	p. xi
A Story Found	p. xi
A Reader's Guide to The Forgotten Kin	p. xvi
Acknowledgments	p. xxi
Relational Landscapes	p. 1
Understanding Kinship	p. 4
The Research Questions	p. 11
Intergenerational Solidarity	p. 12
Generativity	p. 14
Describing the Relationships	p. 18
Predicting Closeness	p. 21
Geographic and Virtual Accessibility	p. 21
Relationships among Adult Siblings	p. 23
Gender and Kin Keeping	p. 25
Personal Experience and Preference	p. 27
Conclusion	p. 28
The Study	p. 30
The Design of the Study	p. 30
The Volunteers	p. 32
The Interviews	p. 36
Plan of Analysis	p. 38
Sample Limitations	p. 39
Naming the Respondents	p. 44
Describing the Relationships	p. 45
Together Near and Far	p. 45
Becoming Close	p. 50
Family Gatekeepers and Relationship Spillover	p. 50
Individual Circumstance: Career and Family Obligations	p. 54
Individual Circumstance: Childlessness	p. 58
Sharing Interests and Having Fun	p. 60
Family Values and Traditions	p. 62
Ethnicity	p. 64
Conclusion	p. 65
Essential Aunting and Uncling	p. 70
Aunts and Uncles in the Mix of Parenting	p. 70
Third-Party Perspectives	p. 80
Second Moms and Second Dads	p. 82
Extended Family Households	p. 83
Absentee Parents	p. 90
Compatibility and Conflict	p. 96
Conclusion	p. 97
Mentoring	p. 101
Active Listening	p. 102
Communicating Support	p. 103
Mentoring Relationships	p. 106
Spirituality and Religion	p. 109
Mentoring Parents	p. 111
Intergenerational Buffers	p. 112
Mentoring Gender	p. 114
Criticism as Support	p. 120
Reverse Mentoring	p. 123
Conclusion	p. 127
Family Work	p. 131
Parent Work	p. 133
Kin Work	p. 138
Intergenerational Buffers	p. 142
Meaning Keepers	p. 148
Conclusion	p. 156
Friendship	p. 159
Intimacy and Commitment	p. 159
Forecasting Friendship	p. 162
Gay and Lesbian Status	p. 166
Another Side of Friendship and Generativity	p. 169
The Suffusion of Friendship and Kinship	p. 171
Conclusion	p. 173
The Social Reproduction of Aunts and Uncles	p. 175
Aunting and Uncling Talk	p. 177
The Family Relationships of Aunts and Uncles	p. 180
Generativity and Personal Development	p. 185
Conclusion	p. 188
Balancing the Composition	p. 191
Situating Families in a Relational Context	p. 192
The Expression and Meaning of Generativity	p. 196
Balancing the Composition	p. 201
Appendix	p. 205
Interview Coding Protocol	p. 205
Table Al. Descriptive Statistics for Uncles (n=21) and Nephews (n=31) by Country	p. 210
References	p. 211
Index	p. 221
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