Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager

by Wolf, Anthony E., Ph.D.

• ISBN13: 9780374528539
• ISBN10: 0374528535
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2002-08-21
• Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Summary

A brand new edition of the bestselling guide to raising teenagers When Anthony E. Wolf's witty and compassionate guide to raising adolescents was first published, its amusing title and fresh approach won it widespread admiration. Beleaguered parents breathed sighs of relief and gratitude. Now Dr. Wolf has revised and updated his bestseller to tackle the changes of the past decade. He points out that while the basic issues of adolescence and the relationships between parents and their children remain much the same, today's teenagers navigate a faster, less clearly anchored world. Wolf's revisions include a new chapter on the Internet, a significantly modified section on drugs and drinking, and an added piece on gay teenagers. Although the rocky and ever-changing terrain of contemporary adolescence may bewilder parents,Get Out of My Lifegives them a great road map.

Author Biography

Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist who has worked with children and adolescents for thirty years and lectures frequently on parenting topics. He lives in Suffield, Connecticut.

Table of Contents

Preface	xv
Author's Note	xix
Introduction	3	(1)
The Entitled Teenager	4	(1)
The New Parent	5	(6)
PART I ADOLESCENCE
What is Adolescence?	11	(15)
Physical changes	12	(2)
Intellectual Changes	14	(1)
The Major Change: Turning Away from Childhood	14	(1)
The Wish Not to Grow Up	15	(7)
Margaret and the Stairs	17	(1)
The Bliss of the Baby Self	18	(3)
A Self Without Conscience	21	(1)
Which Is the Real Self?	22	(1)
The Passion of Adolescence	22	(4)
Where It's At	23	(2)
Memories of Adolescence	25	(1)
What They Do and Why	26	(23)
Facing the Adolescent Mandate	26	(14)
Allergy to Parents	26	(2)
Teenage Boys	28	(4)
Teenage Girls	32	(3)
Parents Are to Be Taken for Granted	35	(2)
Adults as Jerks	37	(1)
Parents as an Embarrassment	38	(1)
They Even Look Up to Some Adults, but Never Us	39	(1)
Friends Are Everything	40	(8)
Fitting In-Girls	41	(2)
Fitting In-Boys	43	(2)
The Tyranny of How I Look	45	(3)
The Typical Teenager	48	(1)
Being the Parent of a Teenager	49	(24)
Letting Go	50	(7)
Preventing Disaster	50	(2)
Letting Them Fail	52	(2)
Accepting Them for Themselves	54	(3)
Dealing with the Day-to-Day	57	(11)
Setting Limits	57	(2)
Making Decisions	59	(4)
Gentle Nudges	63	(2)
Giving Too Much	65	(1)
Calming the Waves of Hysteria	66	(2)
The Unconditional Deal	68	(1)
I Never Used to Act That Way	68	(5)
PART II BETWEEN PARENT AND TEENAGER
Communication and Trust	73	(15)
Communication	73	(9)
Listening to your Teenager-I	74	(3)
Listening to your Teenager-II	77	(1)
They Don't Listen to Anything I Say	77	(2)
They Think I'm Always Criticizing Them	79	(2)
Is Communication Impossible?	81	(1)
Trusting Your Lying Teenager	82	(6)
Controlling Your Teenager	88	(16)
The Parent Within	88	(1)
Establishing the Boundaries	89	(3)
Keeping the Rules in Place	92	(1)
Obeying the Spirit of the Law	93	(1)
Devious Defiance	94	(3)
Direct Disobedience	97	(3)
Parents' Greatest Error	100	(1)
Out of Control	101	(3)
Conflict	104	(39)
Battles (and What to Do About Them in General)	105	(4)
Many Doors to Doom	109	(9)
Teenagers' Traps for Parents	109	(4)
How Parents Trap Themselves	113	(5)
How Can You Ask Me to Take You to the Mall After What Just Happened Fifteen Minutes Ago?	118	(3)
Beyond Words	121	(1)
Jobs Around the House	122	(7)
To Nag or Not to Nag	124	(1)
I'll Do It Later	125	(1)
If She Won't Do for Me...	126	(2)
The Consolation Prize	128	(1)
Intrafamilial Hassles	129	(10)
Sibling Rivalry	129	(3)
Parent Against Parent	132	(3)
Each Parent in Charge o f His or Her Own Scene	135	(3)
Different Parents, Different Rules	138	(1)
PART III REALITY AND THE WORLD OUTSIDE
Parents' Role in a New World	139	(4)
Divorce	143	(12)
I Want to Worry About Acne, Not This	143	(1)
Moving	144	(1)
It Was My Fault	145	(1)
Caught In Between	146	(2)
Parenting Alone	148	(2)
Stepparenting	150	(5)
You're Not My Father	150	(3)
Must I Like My Stepson?	153	(2)
School	155	(11)
Academic Performance	156	(7)
What Parents Can Do	156	(1)
Motivating your Teenager	157	(2)
Supervision	159	(3)
Time as an Ally	162	(1)
Troublemakers in School	163	(3)
The Electronic World	166	(8)
Competing for Their Attention	166	(2)
Connection to Peers	168	(1)
Nasty Content	168	(1)
Turning It Off	169	(3)
The Biggest Influence	172	(2)
Sex	174	(14)
Michael and Yvonne	174	(3)
The Hew Age of sex	177	(1)
Should Teenagers Have Sex?	178	(1)
Problems of Teenage Sex	179	(1)
Sex and Intimacy	179	(1)
Sex in the Time of AIDS	180	(1)
What Can Parents Do?	180	(4)
Beyond Education	182	(1)
Controlling your Teenager's Sexual Behavior	183	(1)
Gay and Lesbian Teenagers	184	(4)
Drugs and Drinking	188	(12)
Drugs in America-Two Problems	189	(4)
Parents' Role	193	(7)
Drinking and Driving	196	(1)
It's Against the Law	197	(1)
Substance-Abuse Problems	198	(2)
Suicide	200	(9)
Boys versos Girls	202	(1)
Suicide Attempts	202	(1)
Why Do Teenagers Try to Kill Themselves?	203	(1)
Depression and Suicide	203	(1)
They Can't See Tomorrow	204	(1)
Intervention	204	(5)
What to Do	205	(1)
If They Say ``Yes''	206	(1)
Warning Signs	207	(1)
The Mandatory Warning Sign	207	(2)
Conclusion: The End of Adolesence	209
Remember: It's a Stage	211