Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye!

by Heimel, Cynthia

• ISBN13: 9780802141484
• ISBN10: 080214148X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-07-16
• Publisher: Grove Press

Summary

Forget Faludi--Cynthia Heimel has been telling her readers about the "backlash" for years, and about its pernicious effects not only on the psyches of women but also on the lives of men, children, cats, and dogs. This collection confirms how indispensible she has become as a guide through the maelstrom of our times.

This is vintage Heimel-the caustic wit, the chronic truth telling, the wicked insights into the age-old dance between the sexes are all here and sharper than ever. In "She Asked For It?" the spectacle of the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill affair calls for a stern warning to all men that feminism is back with a vengeance. Turning her attention to the Men's Movement, she is sympathetic up to a point, after which she demolishes their ranks with a few motherly touches. She confides to us taht some days she thinks it would simply be easier to be a lesbian, and explains why. Proving that she's not always a pessimist, she discerns a silver lining in the dark clouds of smoke billowing off the L.A. riots-with all the rich guys stuck at home because of the curfew, perhaps they'll begin to wonder why it all finally hit the fan. And of course there is ample attention paid to the truly serious stuff--the observations and advice on love, sex, dating and outfits, without which no Heimel book would be complete. Where else can a women find such expert dating advice as: "My new rule is to never believe a person is interested until you feel his tongue down your throat." Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye shows Heimel at her wicked best. She is our downtown Dorothy Parker, and an antidote to this absurd world for smart, sane women.

Cynthia Heimel is finally becoming recognized for who she is-an Erma Bombeck for a new generation.

Table of Contents

Foreword by Brodie Heimel	1	(4)
Introduction	5	(8)
Feminist Rants
Boyfriends: Why?	13	(3)
I Wish I Were a Lesbian	16	(4)
Names Are Us	20	(4)
Horribly Ever After	24	(3)
Middle-aged Loony	27	(10)
Family Values
My Dog, Myself	37	(3)
Dysfunctional Family Values	40	(3)
Condensed Diary of a Single Mother	43	(4)
Mothers: The Bad and the Terrible	47	(4)
Birth Control: The Facts	51	(4)
The Baby Machine	55	(3)
A Doctor in the House	58	(13)
The Times
Big Brother Is Us	71	(3)
She Asked for It?	74	(4)
Woody, We Hardly Knew Ye	78	(3)
The Great Telephone Answering Machine Conspiracy	81	(3)
Rich People: Blow Me	84	(3)
My Theory of Evolution	87	(3)
How to Be Creative	90	(11)
Shopping
What's a Crone to Wear?	101	(3)
The Goddess Regime	104	(3)
Full-contact Christmas Shopping	107	(3)
Fashion in Crisis	110	(9)
Battle of the Sexes
What's a Guy to Do?	119	(4)
The Female Animal	123	(4)
Time: Killer or Joker?	127	(4)
Gay Blades	131	(4)
Aging: Fact or Fiction?	135	(4)
Asking for Trouble	139	(4)
Chasing Children	143	(12)
L.A.
Welcome to the Earth Moving	155	(4)
Strung Out in the Big Orange	159	(3)
Jay and Me	162	(3)
Schizo	165	(4)
Dances with Oscar	169	(3)
La La Land Under Siege	172