How Do We Tell the Children?

by Schaefer, Dan

• ISBN13: 9781557044303
• ISBN10: 1557044309
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2002-01-01
• Publisher: William Morrow & Co

Summary

Now in its third edition, this classic guide is expanded and updated to feature new material on dealing with trauma and devastation, addressing violence in schools, helping grandparents cope as caregivers, and an enlarged quick-reference "Crisis Section" with scripts, answers, and messages for young ones. Dr. Daniel Schaefer, working with child psychologists and trauma experts, and drawing on more than three decades of experience with families in crisis, has put together a practical guide for anyone who works or lives with children-parents, caregivers, counselors, or teachers-for dealing with children's inevitable questions about loss and change, life and death. He informs adults how to help young ones cope with the trauma of loss and offers time-tested, valuable advice on how to explain and console children in a language that they can understand. The book includes sections on what children think about death; explaining death to children; fear, confusion, and sadness; grief and healing; the funeral and saying good-bye; talking about AIDS; and talking to children with mental illness.

Author Biography

Dan Schaefer, Ph.D., has served as a guest faculty member at the College of Physicians and Surgeons, Columbia University, and the graduate schools at New York, Adelphi, Hofstra, and Rutgers universities. He has consulted with both military and police survivors. For more than thirty years he managed a family-owned funeral home that served families for four generations. His invaluable past experience and current work as President of Peak Performance Strategies have contributed to this practical and wise new edition. He lives in New York City Christine Lyons is a journalist in New York City

Table of Contents

Preface	p. xi
Foreword	p. xiii
Introduction: The Solitary Mourner	p. 1
What Children Think About Death	p. 11
Two to Six Years	p. 16
Six to Nine Years	p. 20
Nine to Twelve Years	p. 21
Teenagers	p. 24
Explaining Death to Children	p. 26
Death of a Grandparent	p. 27
Death of an Immediate Family Member (Mother, Father, Sibling)	p. 41
Infant Death	p. 47
Death of a Friend or Classmate	p. 55
Accidental Death	p. 58
Murder	p. 59
Suicide	p. 62
Aids	p. 70
How to Talk to Children about Someone Who is Dying	p. 79
How to Talk to a Mentally Retarded Child	p. 91
Death of a Pet	p. 93
Grief and Healing	p. 95
Common Reactions to Grief	p. 98
The Special Needs of Children	p. 103
The Grieving Process	p. 106
Problems to be Prepared for at Various Ages	p. 112
Dealing With Anger, Guilt, and Responsibility	p. 119
Helping Your Child to Heal	p. 124
Expectations for the Grieving Child and the Best Ways to Respond	p. 131
Traumatic Stress	p. 139
One Personal Experience of Trauma by Dr. Lisa Hudson	p. 144
Schools and Trauma	p. 155
The Funeral--Finding a Way to Say Good-bye	p. 158
Telling Children What to Expect	p. 161
A Good-Bye Gift	p. 165
Questions Your Child Might Ask	p. 167
"Life Goes On"	p. 169
Crisis Checklist	p. 171
Bibliography and Support Groups	p. 187
Index	p. 197
About the Authors	p. 203
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