9780060734077

How to Talk So People Listen: Connecting in Today's Workplace, New for Business Now

by
  • ISBN13:

    9780060734077

  • ISBN10:

    0060734078

  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 3/17/2010
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

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Summary

At a time when it's harder than ever to get and keep people's attention, we could all use some help. Enter Sonya Hamlin, author of the now classic How to Talk So People Listen (1988), and one of the country's leading communication experts. In this revised and updated edition, Sonya Hamlin, arguably America's leading communication expert, shows us how to successfully capture people's attention so that they listen, understand, and are persuaded by your message especially in the pluggedin, fastpaced, visuallydriven atmosphere that is today's workplace.Whether making a presentation to a large audience or dealing oneonone with a client or colleague, or communicating by Email, Hamlin teaches us that one of the keys to making people listen is to think about and respond to what motivates them namely, selfinterest. She then provides tools to assess others' selfinterest and use it to get them to listen to your message. Hamlin also explains how to capitalize on the latest visual aids we have at our disposal today. We learn to determine what information needs or lends itself to visual presentation, and how to make visuals active, so that they serve as an extension of the speaker. In HOW TO TALK SO PEOPLE LISTEN, you'll also find practical information on how to understand your audience, how to encourage your listeners to trust you, and how to be yourself when you're on the podium.

Table of Contents

Hello. I'm Sonya Hamlin. xvii
1 Enter Technology, Exit Talking
1(20)
What's New in Communicating?
1(1)
What You Need to Know First
2(1)
What's New in the Twenty-first Century
2(4)
Even Hello Has Changed
3(1)
The Biggest Issue
4(2)
Where Do People Skills Now Fit
5(1)
What We Need to Know Now
6(1)
How Communicating Has Changed
6(4)
The Communication Revolutions
6(3)
How It Used to Be
9(1)
The New Techniques of Telling
10(8)
Television
10(2)
How Television Has Changed Us
11(1)
What Television News Has Taught Us
12(6)
In Defense of Television
17(1)
Computers and the Internet
18(1)
Major Effects on Communicating
18(1)
Wrap-up: How Communicating Has Changed
19(2)
Implications for Business Communication
20(1)
What Else Can Affect Your Audience
20(1)
2 Generation Gaps and Diversity in Today's Workplace
21(26)
How Are Boomers, Gen Xers, and Gen Yers Different?
22(15)
The Issues
22(1)
Differences in Family and Life Experiences
22(1)
Different Views of the Establishment
23(1)
Cultural Icons Tell It
24(2)
Basic Differences in Priorities and Attitude
26(2)
Careers and Work
28(5)
The Generations at Work (chart)
33(1)
Generational Differences in Getting Information
34(2)
Perception of Time
36(1)
Thoughts About Information Technologies
37(3)
What All This Means to You
40(1)
Our Multicultural Workforce and Communicating Now
40(7)
The Mixed-Population Phenomenon
40(1)
Becoming Americanized
41(1)
What Immigrants Bring: Issues and Obstacles
42(2)
Handling All This at Work
44(1)
Transcending Language Barriers
45(2)
3 How to Get Anyone to Listen to Anything
47(27)
Getting Attention Is Hard
47(1)
The Me-First Factor
47(1)
What Makes People Listen
48(17)
What's in It for Me?
48(2)
How to Find Anyone Else's Self-Interest
49(1)
Knowing Your Audience at Work
50(1)
Who's Telling?
50(8)
What Appeals to Listeners and Why
54(1)
What Doesn't Appeal and Why
55(3)
How Do Audiences Decide About You?
58(1)
How Do You Tell It
58(7)
The Techniques of Telling
58(1)
Make It Visual
59(1)
How Making Ideas Visual Works
60(5)
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
65(5)
How They Work; What They Do
65(2)
Words vs. Body Language
67(1)
Choosing Your Words
68(2)
How People Feel About Learning
70(2)
Handling Resistance and Fear of Learning
72(1)
Summing Up
72(2)
4 The Pre-Think Chart: Strategizing One-on-One Encounters
74(36)
Pre-Thinking
74(4)
A Typical Work Encounter: What Can Go Wrong and Why
75(3)
To Strategize Any Encounter and Get What You Want
77(1)
The Pre-Think Chart
78(19)
The Basic Idea
78(1)
Why a Chart?
79(1)
The Process
79(1)
Section One: Goals
80(4)
Where We Get Stuck
82(1)
How the Chart Changes Things
83(1)
Section Two: Emotions
84(8)
Emotions: The Other Powerful, Hidden Drivers
85(1)
Emotions at Work
85(1)
Hiding Our Feelings on the Job
86(1)
Winning Strategies Can't Bypass Emotions
87(4)
Generational Differences
91(1)
Section Three: Expectations
92(3)
Analyzing Expectations Prepares and Demystifies
92(1)
Surprise: The Secret Weapon
93(2)
Expectations: The Other Side
95(2)
The Other Side: A Guide for the Summoned
97(4)
Don't Be a Victim
97(1)
Other Things You Can Do
98(2)
Be Honest!
99(1)
Use a Touch of Humor
99(1)
Summary for the Summoned
100(1)
The Completed Chart
101(2)
Pre-Thinking Results
102(1)
Seeing the Other Side Is Very Humanizing
102(1)
Make Your Own Chart
103(4)
Analyze a Past or Future Encounter of Your Own
103(1)
User Tips for Your Pre-Think Chart
103(4)
Completing Your Chart's Emotions Section
104(3)
The Pre-Think Checklist
107(3)
Make a Chart
107(1)
Strategize from Your Chart
108(2)
5 Close Encounters: One-on-One
110(49)
Openers
111(11)
Before the Meeting
111(4)
Opening Techniques: First Moves
115(7)
How You Greet
115(1)
Small Talk
116(3)
Where to Sit
119(2)
Body Language
121(1)
Presenting the Substance
122(8)
How to Begin
122(1)
Motivate Your Listener!
123(1)
Ask Before You Tell
124(4)
Telling and Explaining
125(1)
Be Clear and Organized
125(1)
Make Your Ideas Visual
126(2)
Bring Take-Aways
128(1)
Dialogue, Not Monologue = Success
128(2)
Create a Dialogue
128(1)
Listen!
129(1)
Know When to Finish
130(1)
Handling Problems, Issues, and Negative Reactions
130(19)
How to Criticize
131(5)
What We Do Wrong Most Often
131(1)
Creative Criticism
132(3)
If You're the One Being Criticized
135(1)
Handling Anger and Hostility
136(6)
What We Do Wrong Most Often
137(3)
Techniques for Handling Hostility
140(2)
Getting at the Truth
142(5)
If You're the One in Charge
143(2)
If You're the Outsider
145(2)
Handling Boredom and Inattention
147(2)
Closure
149(7)
Recap and Clarify
149(1)
If It's Your Meeting
150(1)
If It's Another's Meeting
150(1)
Troubleshoot Areas Still Not Resolved
150(2)
If It's Your Meeting
150(1)
If It's Another's Meeting
151(1)
Agree on Next Steps
152(1)
Follow Up: Confirm in Writing
153(1)
End on a High Note!
153(3)
If You Weren't the Host
154(2)
If You Called the Meeting
156(1)
Checklist for One-on-One Encounters
156(3)
Before the Meeting
156(1)
Openers
157(1)
Presenting the Substance
157(1)
Handling Problems, Issues, and Negative Reactions
158(1)
Closure
158(1)
6 Seeing Is Believing: Making Your Message Visual
159(23)
Why Visual?
159(3)
Take a New Approach
160(2)
How Visuals Affect Your Audience
162(3)
Making Messages Visual
165(4)
What to Show, What to Tell
165(2)
Which Subjects Need Visual Support
165(1)
Which Subjects Need Only Telling
166(1)
Which Subjects Need Both
166(1)
Always Personalize Your Message
167(1)
Visual Take-Aways
168(1)
How to Design Visual Messages
169(10)
Getting Started
169(1)
Exhibits Can Be Simple
170(1)
Choosing the Medium
170(1)
A Few Basic Design Principles
171(2)
Making Audiences Look: Effective Presentation of Graphics
173(3)
Effective Use of Color
176(3)
Making Your Message Visual, Verbally
179(3)
Using Words to Make Images
179(3)
7 How to Create Great Presentations
182(33)
The Challenge
182(1)
Planning Your Presentation
183(2)
Getting Started
183(1)
Know Your Audience!
184(1)
The Know-Your-Audience Questions: Don't Speechify Without Them!
185(7)
Know-Your-Audience Speedy Checklist
192(1)
Who's Telling?
192(4)
How to Tell It: The Techniques of Telling
196(9)
Organizing Your Message
196(1)
How to Create Order in Your Message
197(3)
Create Your Own Outline
198(1)
LS/Long Shot
198(1)
Med/Medium Shot
199(1)
CU/Close-Up
199(1)
What Speakers Do Most Often That Confuses Us
200(5)
Building a Speech Outline That Makes Sense
201(1)
Three Approaches to Organizing Material
202(2)
Don't Just Tell Me—Show Me
204(1)
Best Ways to Lay Out Your Presentation on a Page
205(4)
Why Notes Matter
205(1)
Written Speeches vs. Oral Presentations
205(4)
The Written vs. the Spoken Word
206(1)
The Effects of Written Speeches on the Audience
207(1)
The Effects of Written Speeches on the Speaker
207(2)
For Addicted Need-My-Whole Speech Writers
209(1)
Writing Usable Speech Notes and Outlines
209(6)
The Basic Process
210(5)
8 How to Deliver Great Presentations
215(33)
The Techniques
216(1)
Openings
216(15)
Who Are You?
216(3)
Stage Fright
219(5)
Good Getting-to-Know-You Openings
224(4)
Why Should They Listen?
228(1)
What Will They Hear About and How
229(2)
Content: How to Explain and Persuade
231(15)
Presenting in an Orderly, Organized Fashion
231(3)
Techniques for Explaining New Information
234(2)
Speaking and Language Skills
236(6)
Activate Your Audience!
242(4)
Closings
246(2)
9 The Art of Q & A
248(15)
Why Do It?
248(1)
Preparing for Q & A
248(4)
Understanding Your Audience
248(4)
What to Look for and Expect
249(1)
Understand Who Asks Questions
249(1)
Understand Your Adversaries
250(1)
Understand Your Feelings
250(2)
Answering Techniques
252(11)
What Usually Happens
252(1)
Why People Don't Ask
253(1)
Helping People Get Started
254(1)
Some Other Launches for Q & A
254(1)
Sonya's 13 Responses for Success in Q & A
255(1)
1. Relax and Be Informal
256(1)
2. Listen Hard to the Question!
256(1)
3. Clarify the Question
256(1)
4. Compliment the Asker
257(1)
5. Treat Everyone Respectfully
257(1)
6. Avoid Debates
257(1)
7. If You Don't Know, Say It Out Loud!
258(1)
8. How to Avoid a Question
258(1)
9. Taking Some Lumps Is Inevitable
259(1)
10. Buying Time
259(1)
11. Turn Uncomfortable Questions Around
260(1)
12. Cutting People Off
261(1)
13. Getting the Audience on Your Side
262(1)
10 Meetings: How to Lead and How to Be Heard 263(34)
Why Meetings Don't Work
263(2)
Skills you Need to Learn and Sharpen
264(1)
What Meetings Can and Should Accomplish
265(1)
Team Building and Group Connection
255(10)
Comparing Notes, Sharing Information
265(1)
Hearing Opinions Openly Discussed
265(1)
Looking for Solutions Together
266(1)
Developing Consensus
266(1)
Group Self-Criticism
266(1)
Planning a Meeting
266(1)
Define Your Objectives, Large or Small
266(1)
Question Your Meeting
267(1)
Who Should Come?
267(1)
Consider the Timing
267(1)
Scheduling a Meeting
267(2)
Best and Worst Times to Have Meetings
268(1)
Length of Meetings
268(1)
Location
268(1)
Which Day to Choose
269(1)
Creating the Agenda
269(3)
Input from the Group
270(1)
Number of Agenda Items
270(1)
Prioritizing and Positioning
270(1)
Time Allotment
271(1)
Set Agenda Times Together at the Meeting
272(1)
Leadership Skills for Handling People
272(3)
Basic Personalities at Meetings
272(3)
Movers
273(1)
Opposers
273(1)
Followers
274(1)
Bystanders
275(1)
Three Vital Meeting Skills
275(10)
Listening
276(4)
Techniques for Improving Listening
277(3)
Supporting
280(2)
Techniques for Supporting
281(1)
Disagreeing
282(3)
Techniques for Disagreeing Constructively
283(2)
Communication Skills for Meeting Leaders
285(5)
Getting the Group's Attention
286(1)
Staying Focused
286(1)
Engaging the Nonparticipant
287(1)
How to Cut People Off
287(1)
Handling Controversial or Ticklish Subjects
288(1)
Getting Agreement
289(1)
When Meetings Get Out of Hand
289(1)
Handling Egos and Conflict
290(1)
Communication Skills for Meeting Participants
290(7)
Come Prepared
291(1)
Sit in a Powerful Place
291(1)
Look Confident and Interested
292(1)
How to Speak Up
293(1)
Ask Questions
294(1)
If You're Criticized or Attacked
294(3)
The Last Word 297(2)
Acknowledgments 299(2)
Index 301

Excerpts

How to Talk So People Listen
Connecting in Today's Workplace

Chapter One

Enter Technology, Exit Talking

What's New in Communicating

Everything -- and I'm about to tell you about it. But the absolute core of great communicating hasn't changed at all.

It's not about you and your skills.

It's not about your subject.

It all starts from this basic principle:

Know Your Audience!

Talking so others listen starts with understanding those others, first! Then basing any presentation, one-on-one encounter, meeting, or negotiation on what the audience wants, needs, and cares about.

Now, this audience orientation comes in two flavors.

  • What you should know about any specific audience you're going to talk to so you can adapt your approach each time
  • and

  • What basic facts you should know about any audience you're communicating with today to learn how they listen now.
  • In order to build a great repertoire for you as super-communicator, you need to learn these two approaches. They are the foundation for building any kind of communication, especially at work.

    What You Need to Know First

    The rest of the book will show you how to analyze any specific audience and what techniques to use to reach them. But we must begin, in the first two chapters, with the same basics -- truths that exist now for all the audiences you'll talk to.

    Understanding what's happened to us as a society and how we've changed our communication with each other -- this is a cornerstone for building successful communication on any level today. Another is understanding more about the disparate groups in today's workplace and what they each need. You'll be surprised by lots of this, recognize yourself, and say "never thought about that," about others.

    So let's begin gaining some perspective on where we are now, to give you a base for going forward and learning the new skills I'll show you. Let's now discover:

    • How we currently listen and learn, and where talking still fits in
    • What motivates us to listen; what's important
    • What else is happening in the workplace that affects how you'll communicate with each other successfully
    What's New In The Twenty-First Century

    Let's start with how we communicate with each other. Wow, has that changed in recent years!

    To really nail this, here's an email I got recently that says it all:

    You know you're living in 2005, when . . .

  • You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

  • You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

  • You email the person who works at the desk next to you.

  • Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have email addresses.

  • You make phone calls from home and accidentally dial 9 to get an outside line.

  • You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies!!

  • You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

  • Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

  • Leaving the house without your cell phone is now a cause for panic.

  • You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

  • True?

    See what we have to work with, or against, when we want to talk so people listen?

    Well, let's get started finding out the kind of work we have to do to make this happen.

    Even Hello Has Changed

    Just take how we greet each other -- that "Hello, I'm Sonya Hamlin" thing I did at the beginning of the book. That's how we usually do it when we meet someone, isn't it? Picture a typical first encounter and what goes with it.

    the look
    the name
    the handshake
    the smile
    the noticing
    the visceral response
    the face-to-face human contact

    That opening moment helps us evaluate and decide at what level to relate and, most of all, how we instinctively feel and respond to the other person. Personal contact has always been the number one way we start any relationship.

    But is it, anymore?

    We now live in a world where online meeting and greeting and email and text-messaged "conversations" -- with no sound, touch, feel, sight, or smell -- are substituting for the old in-person ways. We're trading senses for technology. Today's standards are speed and ease, not human contact and personal perception.

    Is that good? Bad? Costly? As effective as the old way? Can we really totally eliminate the old way?

    That look-in-your-eyes-to-see-if-I-really-trust-you way?

    That notice-how-shifty-he-looks, why-can't-she-stand-still way?

    That what-a-warm-smile, how-nice-this-feels way?

    That's today's communication dilemma, and the issues we now need to deal with are:

    • How recent advances have affected how we now communicate and how we get to know each other
    • What else we need to do now to sell and persuade, to develop trust and confidence, and to explain and be understood

    The Biggest Issue

    We're incredibly more efficient now. We can do just about anything business requires -- worldwide -- by just hitting the keyboard, sending email and searching the Web.

    Except . . .

    Except the ultimate: selling ourselves.

    That means the ability to convince

    • Potential customers
    • Fellow workers
    • Upper management
    • The people in power

    about the validity and trustworthiness of your ideas, your plan, your product, your abilities -- yourself.

    Would anyone hire you simply because you send in a great résumé complete with PowerPoint diagrams and pictures of ads and ideas you created? Would you hire someone on that basis?

    In order to close any deal, people want to know "Who am I dealing with?" "Can I trust him?" " Would I like to work with her?" "Do I want this person to represent my company?" "Does she seem quick on the draw?"

    Can any of that ever be decided by email? Doesn't it always need the old face-to-face, every time?

    How to Talk So People Listen
    Connecting in Today's Workplace
    . Copyright © by Sonya Hamlin. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

    Excerpted from How to Talk So People Listen: Connecting in Today's Workplace by Sonya Hamlin
    All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

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