How to Work a Room : The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing In-Person and On-Line

by RoAne, Susan

• ISBN13: 9780060957858
• ISBN10: 0060957859
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-11-16
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

Have you ever walked into a room full of strangers -- be it a business function, a meeting, or a cocktail party -- and felt uncomfortable? In the NEW How to Work a Room, " The Mingling Maven" Susan RoAne provides the tools and techniques for savy socializing in all situations so that you are comfortable in any room. She identifies the roadblocks that prevent us from meeting new people, developing new contacts, and establishing connections that build personal and professional relationships. Susan offers a practical remedy to overcome each roadblock. You will learn how to mix chutzpah with charm to start and end conversations smoothly, know when and how to use humor , and follow the simple rules of etiquette in an emerging manner. Incorporating a decade of feedback from hundreds of presentations, as well as the new chapters " How to Work A Virtual Room" and "How to Work the Techno Toy Room," How to Work a Room is a book that will change your life.

Table of Contents

Preface	xvii
Acknowledgments	xxi
Introduction	xxv
Get Ready!	1	(68)
The Five Roadblocks: Mother's Dire Warnings	3	(14)
``Don't Talk to Strangers''
``Wait to Be Properly Introduced'' (The Scarlett O'Hara Syndrome)
``Don't Be Pushy. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait.'' (The Prom King/Queen Complex)
``Better Safe Than Sorry'' (Risking Rejection)
``Mangled and Mixed Messages''
Risking the Roadblocks
An Elevating Experience
Change/Risk/Reward
Old Lines: New Friends
Corralling Your Courage
RoAne's Reminders
The Remedies: Removing the Roadblocks	17	(12)
Redefine the Term ``Stranger''
Practice a Self-Introduction
Move from ``Guest'' Behavior to ``Host'' Behavior
Eject the ``Rejector'' and Move On
Unmix the Mixed Message
RoAne's Reminders
Benefits: The Bonuses of Being There	29	(8)
Turning Chores into Choices
Planning Payoffs
The Fun Factor
Believing in the Benefits
Accumulating Contacts: The Millionaire's Rolodex
It Works Both Ways
RoAne's Reminders
The Dynamic Duo: Charm and Chutzpah	37	(6)
Chutzpah---The Courage to Converse
Chutzpah Is the Cornerstone of Confidence
The Charmers
One and One Is Three
RoAne's Reminders
How to Work The ``Virtual'' Room	43	(18)
The Mystique
Mingling By Modem
Instant Message Madness
Brevity? The Soul of Wit or Witless!
The Level Playing Field
A Chat Room Challenge
E-Mailstrom
Family Inter(net)vention
A Light-Hearted Look at Screen Gems
What to Say to a ``FWD'' Person
How Not to Be ``Mo-Dumb''
The Unbearable ``Lite''ness of Being---Self-Absorbed
Mixed and Mangled Messages
Can We Not Talk?
You're Such an E-Card---a Cyber ``Hallmark'' of Distinction
The E-Note of Thanks
The Gift of Time, Leads, Information, Support
The Online ``Pen'' Pal
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do...In Person
A Condolence E-Card?
RoAne's Reminders
Mr. (OR MS.) Sleaze Works a Room: Or how not to Do it	61	(8)
Being ``Slimed''
Mr. or Ms. Sleaze's Disguises
Learning from Sleaze
No Joking Matter---Humor That Hurts
Fatal Flaws
How to Handle a Sleaze
RoAne's Reminders
Get Set!	69	(80)
Seven Steps for Planning Your Presence: Preparation	71	(18)
Adopt a Positive Attitude
Focus on the Benefits of the Event
Plan Your Self-Introduction
Check Your Business Cards
Prepare Your Small Talk
Remember to Make Eye Contact and Smile
Practice Your Handshake
The Business Kiss
Another ``Touchy'' Subject
RoAne's Reminders
Seven Strategies: From Jump Start to Smooth Stop	89	(20)
The Entrance: Grand or Otherwise
The Buddy System
The White-Knuckled Drinker---And Other Accessible Folk
Name Tags That Pull
Great Opening Lines
Moving In: Breaking and Entering
Moving On: Extricating Yourself
RoAne's Reminders
Working the Words: Seven Keys to Lively Conversation	109	(1)
So, What Do You Say Next?
Read One Newspaper a Day
Clip and Collect
Read Newsletters, Professional Journals and Minutes
Take Note and Take Notes
Use Humor (Surely You Jest)
Listen Actively, Not Passively
Just Say Yes to New Opportunities
Five Fundamental Laws of Casual Conversation
Five Fatal Flaws of Casual Conversation
Echoing the Sounds of Silence
RoAne's Reminders
How to Work an Audience	109	(26)
Remedies for the Roadblocks
Greeting and Meeting
Speaking of (Public) Speaking
Tips for Terrific Talks
Opening Lines
Some Additional Thoughts
RoAne's Reminders
Working the Rules of Etiquette: Good Manners Equal Good Business	135	(14)
Etiquette and Manners
Manners Mavens
The R.S.V.P.
R.S.V.P. for Business
[e-mail]
Introductions
Naming Names
Thank-Yous
Miscellaneous Manners (Three Tips)
RoAne's Reminders
Go!	149	(84)
Working the Cocktail Party with Pleasure, Purpose and Panache	151	(16)
The Social Cocktail Party
The Business Cocktail Party
The No-Host Cocktail Reception
The Bonnie Raitt/Susan RoAne Method of Mingling
The Meal: Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat!
The Office Party
The Business Social
The Fund-Raiser: Your Money or...
RoAne's Reminders
Working the Reunion: Reeling in Reality	167	(14)
Just GO!
Reunion Referrals
Preparing for the Reunion: A Week to Lose Twenty Pounds
Reunion Tips
Paying Our Respects
RoAne's Reminders
Working the Trade Show or Convention: The Tradeoffs	181	(18)
Preparing for the Onslaught
Don't Leave Home Without...
There's Gold in Them Thar Booths
Working the Booth
The Three E's
Booth Design
The Three S's
``Convention''al Charm
Trade-Show Tempations: Trysting and Tippling
Spouses: Tired of Getting Schlepped Along?
A Trade-Show Triumph
RoAne's Reminders
How to Work the ``Techno Toy'' Room	199	(14)
Calls of the Wild
Attention-Getting Devices
Paging...All (Self-Important) People
``Lock'Em in a Cell'' Phone!
Self-Importance Syndrome
House Calls
Mass Ignorance
The Techno Terrible: ``Dis'' connect Conference Calling
School Daze: How Not to Work a Schoolroom
Self-Important Cell Phone Quiz
Commonsense Cell Phone Use
Low-Tech Not Toys
Permission versus Presumption Marketing
RoAne's Reminders
How to Work the Diverse Room	213	(8)
Bill Gates's Senior Team: Gray Matters
``Hire Authority''
Building Bridges, Bonds and Business Relationships
Listen Up!
Age Gauge
RoAne's Reminders
Working the World: Trains and Boats and Planes	221	(8)
The Cornucopia of Contacts
Public Speaking
The Plane Truth
Common Ground
Counter Intelligence
This Is Your Life
RoAne's Reminders
The Gospel According to Roane: The Ten Commandments of Connecting	229	(4)
For Those Desperately Seeking Susan	233	(2)
Some of Susan's Clients	235	(4)
Yiddish Glossary	239	(6)
Appendix: Frequently Asked Questions (FAQS)	245	(4)
References	249	(2)
Roane's Recommended Reading List	251

Excerpts

How to Work a Room, Fully Revised and Updated
The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing In-Person and On-Line

Chapter One

If working a room is so much fun and so profitable, why do our hearts thump, our palms sweat and our eyes glaze over when we think about it? One reason is that 88 percent of us think of ourselves as shy. When we get invited to a meeting, conference or party, we shy away from the opportunity in order to avoid the discomfort.

Another reason is that many years ago we were taught not to talk to strangers. Mom gave us these dire warnings with the best of intentions, "for our own good," and everybody agreed that we should heed them. The trouble is, they worked a lot better when we were six years old than they do now that we are twenty-six, forty-six or sixty-six.

Now that we're no longer walking home alone from first grade, these dire warnings have changed from safety barriers into roadblocks that prevent us from mingling comfortably and effectively with other people. Mom isn't to blame. But we heard these warnings so often-and perhaps repeated them to our own kids so often-that they became a way of life. There are five major roadblocks to working a room successfully. Knowing where they come from is the first step to letting go of them.

Roadblock #1 "Don't Talk to Strangers"

This first roadblock is as American as apple pie. It is often accompanied by a shaking of the index finger. It made sense when our mothers did this to us, and it makes sense when we do it to our children. We still don't want our children to talk to strangers on the way home from school today-more than ever.

But it doesn't make sense when we're selling a product at a trade show, beginning our first day on a new job, attending a formal ball or mingling at a professional-association meeting or convention where contacts and connections are standing six deep around the room. Yet we often find ourselves standing in the door, paralyzed, with that imaginary finger shaking in our faces and the message "Don't talk to strangers" flashing across our subconscious. So, we don't instead, we choose a nice, quiet spot at the hors d'oeuvres table and start nibbling, get very busy with a cup of coffee or a drink, smile nervously around the room at no one in particular-and have an awful time. Or we hang out on the periphery of the room ... against the walls. (Hence the term "wallflower.")

The problem is that we also miss tremendous business, career and social opportunities. Who knows what wonderful person or valuable contact was standing in that room feeling just as uncomfortable as we were

Life is too short, and time too precious, to spend an hour or two squandering opportunities and, in the process, having a bad time.

Roadblock #2 "Wait to be Properly Introduced" (The Scarlett O'Hara Syndrome)

Imagine Scarlett, standing on the steps of Tara in all its antebellum glory, batting her eyelashes as she drawls, "My, but we haven't been properly introduced." Her beauty and charm notwithstanding, Scarlett wouldn't have gotten very far at a professional association meeting. In Scarlett's day and social sphere, everyone was very much aware of proper introductions and there were people, usually older women, who did little else. They would make sure you met that gallant, dark-haired man or that stunning belle or the local banker who might be interested in your crop expansion.

But tomorrow did, indeed, become cc another day' and now you can't count on personal or professional 'matchmakers' to be sure you are introduced around at the political meeting or the reception after the lecture.

Yet many of us were taught that it "wasn't niceto talk to someone unless we had been introduced by a mutual acquaintance. It is certainly easier to begin a conversation when you've been formally introduced. At the very least, you have in common the person who introduced you. "How do you know Leslie?" elicits more information about the person you've just met, and can lead to other subjects of conversation.

But at most events we can't count on being introduced to anyone, let alone the people we most want to meet. We may be on our own when it comes to circulating, and we may have to walk up to people and introduce ourselves. If we don't want to be left standing in the middle of the room, staring at the ceiling or the floor, we have to realize that Scarlett had her world and we have ours ... and send her packing back to Tara.

Roadblock #3 "Don't be Pushy Good Things Come to Those Who Wait" (The Prom King/Queen complex)

Let's face it. The world may beat a path to the door of Prom Kings and Queens, but not everyone is royal. And once the Prom is over, even the ex-Kings and ex-Queens can't always afford to sit back and hope that people will seek them out.

As we watched the Kings and Queens being besieged with dates, Mom told us, "Good things come to those who wait." Au contraire... gray hair comes to those who wait, and sometimes even varicose veins if the waiting is done standing up!

Waiting for people to find you and introduce themselves is an exercise in futility. Chances are, they won't because it's just as difficult for them as it is for you. Because 88 percent of us are shy and won't initiate, the "waiting game" is a colossal waste of time, no fun at all and murder on your self-esteem.

How to Work a Room, Fully Revised and Updated
The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing In-Person and On-Line. Copyright © by Susan RoAne. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing In-Person and On-Line by Susan RoAne
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.