9780865715158

Joy of Conflict Resolution : Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home

by
  • ISBN13:

    9780865715158

  • ISBN10:

    0865715157

  • Format: Paperback
  • Copyright: 2004-07-15
  • Publisher: Consortium Book Sales & Dist

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Summary

The rapid rate of change in the workplace and among families often leads to conflict and confrontation which can undermine productivity and poison relationships. This book helps readers to understand conflict and why it arises through the lens of the 'drama triangle' of victims, villains and heroes. In an accessible, engaging and light-hearted style that uses stories and humour to explore potentially emotionally charged situations, it provides proven and practical skills to move beyond confrontation to resolve conflicts collaboratively.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix
Introduction xi
CHAPTER 1: VICTIMS, VILLAINS, AND HEROES 1(12)
Fairy tales of conflict
1(2)
Roles we play
3(4)
Beyond the drama triangle
7(6)
CHAPTER 2: LESSONS FROM THE SANDBOX 13(8)
Grow up, already
13(1)
My PhD advisor can beat up your PhD advisor
14(1)
Themes from the playground
14(3)
It's hard to see the picture when you're in the frame
17(1)
Conflict as its own reward
18(1)
The roots of defensiveness
19(2)
CHAPTER 3: JUST LIKE THE MOVIES 21(12)
Elements of conflict stories
21(4)
What drives us?
25(3)
Our conflict dramas
28(2)
When did the knife go in?
30(1)
The journey from confrontation to collaboration
31(2)
CHAPTER 4: WELCOME TO TURM-0IL, INC 33(11)
Co-workers in conflict
33(5)
Black Friday
38(6)
CHAPTER 5: THE ASSUMPTION ICEBERG 44(9)
Book 'em, Dinah
44(3)
Motive and impact
47(3)
Book 'em, Dinah (revisited)
50(3)
CHAPTER 6: THE WOBBLY STOOL OF CONFLICT 53(15)
The three legs of conflict
54(1)
Big Bob goes bananas
55(3)
Diagnosing resistance
58(1)
Identifying the problem
58(1)
Respecting process needs
59(3)
Stabilizing the emotion
62(1)
Big Bob goes bananas (revisited)
63(5)
CHAPTER 7: THE PERILS OF ANGER MOUNTAIN 68(14)
Responses to anger
69(4)
Significance of the anger arousal cycle
73(1)
Strategies to defuse others' anger
74(6)
The time and place for apologies
80(2)
CHAPTER 8: BEWARE THE CONFLICT GREMLINS 82(11)
Strategies to manage our own anger
82(2)
Get to know your gremlins
84(5)
What to do about our gremlins
89(1)
Listen to your inner coach
90(3)
CHAPTER 9: THE POWER OF LISTENING 93(14)
The North Wind and the Sun
94(1)
Why listen?
94(4)
Silence is golden
98(1)
Proving you understand
99(1)
How to get the full story
100(3)
A metaphor is worth a thousand words
103(1)
The importance of being genuine
104(3)
CHAPTER 10: SPINNING THE STRAW OF DEFENSIVENESS 107(10)
The chain reaction of defensiveness
107(1)
Defining defensiveness
108(1)
Spinning the gold of understanding
109(1)
Forms of defensiveness: more lessons from the sandbox
109(3)
Warming the climate
112(1)
Doug separates the person from the problem
113(2)
When you hit bedrock
115(2)
CHAPTER 11: ESCAPING THE TRAP OF POSITIONS 117(11)
No room at the inn for Vic
117(1)
Trapped by positions
118(1)
Naming the topic
119(2)
The key to collaboration - interests and needs
121(1)
Shifting from positions to interests
121(7)
CHAPTER 12: PROBING THE DEPTHS OF CONFLICT 128(9)
Shifting judgment to curiosity
128(1)
All questions are not created equal
129(2)
Peeling the onion for the real story
131(3)
I'll show you mine if
134(1)
Ask only if you really want to know
135(2)
CHAPTER 13: STANDING UP FOR OURSELVES WITHOUT KNOCKING THE OTHER PERSON DOWN 137(16)
An alternative to fight or flight
137(1)
Passive behavior
138(1)
Aggressive behavior
139(1)
"I" statements
139(2)
The difficult person story
141(4)
"I'm okay. They need professional help"
145(1)
Describing the difficult behavior
146(2)
First within, then without
148(1)
The D-E-S statement
148(2)
When the other person doesn't respond
150(1)
A few tips
151(2)
CHAPTER 14: THE ROAD TO RESOLUTION 153(12)
Preparing to meet
154(1)
Doug's preparation to meet with Marko
155(2)
Steps to collaboration
157(5)
The conflict resolution two-step
162(3)
CHAPTER 15: TIPS FOR THE TRAVELER 165(22)
Being a warrior of the heart
165(1)
The inner work
166(6)
Active curiosity
172(1)
Focusing on specific skills
173(2)
Changing the dance
175(6)
Don't go it alone
181(2)
Other tips
183(4)
Resources 187(1)
Bibliography 188(1)
Index 189(6)
About the Author 195

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