The Joy of Gay Sex

by Silverstein, Charles; Picano, Felice

• ISBN13: 9780060012731
• ISBN10: 0060012730
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2003-04-24
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

<p>First published in 1977, <i>The Joy of Gay Sex</i> became an immediate bestseller and a touchstone of the emerging gay consciousness, offering a delectable first glimpse of gay life and love for countless gay men. Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, it has remained an essential reference for gay men worldwide.</p><p>The changes to gay life over the past decade, for better and for worse, are reflected in this fully revised and expanded new third edition. Noted psychologist Dr. Charles Silverstein has teamed up once again with critically acclaimed novelist Felice Picano, updating every single entry and adding nearly thirty new entries. The authors have succeeded in bringing the book up to date for a new century and a new generation of readers while maintaining its signature brand of positive, permissive, and responsible advice.</p><p>Invaluable as a sex guide, a resource on building self-esteem, and a coming-out guide for young gay men, <i>The Joy of Gay Sex</i> covers the ins and outs of gay life alphabetically from "anus" to "wrestling." The authors continue to provide advice about safe sex in all of its varieties, from techniques and positions to fostering intimacy and creativity in relationships. They also address the many emotional and relationship-oriented issues in gay life, such as loneliness, depression, and letting go. Expanded entries provide cutting-edge health information on the newest treatments for HIV, strategies for avoiding STDs, and tips for getting the best care from your doctor.</p><p><i>The Joy of Gay Sex</i> serves as a general reference on a number of diverse topics important to gay life and culture, ranging from the history of the gay rights movement to the history of condoms, from body decoration to spirituality. Scores of new entries address topics such as on-line dating, cosmetic surgery, coming out at work, sexual harassment, and much more. Acclaimed artist Joseph Phillips spices up the proceedings with fifty new illustrations.</p>

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. xv
List of Entries
Anus	p. 1
Barebacking	p. 1
Bars	p. 3
Baths	p. 4
Bears	p. 5
Bisexuality	p. 8
Blow Job	p. 10
Body Decoration	p. 12
Body Fluids and Disease	p. 14
Body Image	p. 15
Bondage and Discipline	p. 17
Booze and Highs	p. 19
Bottom	p. 22
Bottoms Up	p. 24
Buns	p. 26
Camping	p. 27
Celibacy	p. 29
Chat Rooms	p. 30
Civil Rights	p. 31
Clubs	p. 34
Cock Size	p. 36
Coming Out	p. 38
Compulsive Sex	p. 42
Condoms	p. 45
Cosmetic (Plastic) Surgery	p. 48
Couples	p. 50
Cruising	p. 55
Daddy/Son Fantasies	p. 58
Dangerous Sex	p. 60
Depression	p. 62
Dirty Talk	p. 65
Domestic Partnerships	p. 67
Domestic Violence	p. 68
Drug Abuse	p. 69
Drugs and Sex	p. 75
Early Abuse	p. 77
Effeminacy	p. 78
Etiquette	p. 79
Exhibitionism and Voyeurism	p. 81
Face-to-Face	p. 82
Feet	p. 85
Fetish	p. 86
Fidelity and Monogamy	p. 88
Finding a Physician	p. 90
First Time	p. 91
Fisting	p. 95
Foreskin	p. 98
Friendship	p. 100
Frottage	p. 101
Fuck Buddies	p. 103
Gay Families	p. 105
Gay Liberation	p. 107
Gay Politics	p. 111
Growing Older	p. 113
Guilt	p. 117
Gyms	p. 118
Hair	p. 120
Hands	p. 121
HIV Disease	p. 122
Homophobia	p. 130
Hustlers	p. 132
Impotence	p. 134
Insurance	p. 137
Jealousy, Envy, and Possessiveness	p. 140
J.O. Buddies	p. 142
J.O. Clubs	p. 142
J.O. Machines	p. 144
Kinky Sex	p. 145
Kissing	p. 147
Letting Go	p. 149
Licking	p. 151
Living Wills	p. 152
Loneliness	p. 153
Lubricants	p. 154
Male Sexual Response	p. 155
Married Men	p. 160
Massage	p. 163
Masturbation and Fantasy	p. 166
Mirrors	p. 170
Mixed HIV Couples	p. 171
Mutual Masturbation	p. 174
Mythic Beginnings	p. 176
Nibbling and Biting	p. 178
Nipples	p. 180
Noisemaking	p. 181
On-line Cruising	p. 182
Open Relationships	p. 185
Out on the Job	p. 186
Parents	p. 190
Phone Sex	p. 193
Pleasure Trap	p. 197
Pornography	p. 198
Problems of Ejaculation	p. 199
Profiles	p. 202
Promiscuity	p. 204
Racism	p. 205
Rape	p. 206
Rear Entry	p. 208
Rejection	p. 210
Relaxation	p. 211
Rimming and Felching	p. 212
Role Playing	p. 214
Sadomasochism	p. 215
Safe Sex	p. 218
Saying No	p. 223
Scat	p. 223
Seduction	p. 224
Sex Ads	p. 225
Sex Clubs	p. 227
Sex Parties	p. 228
Sex Phobia (or Puritanism)	p. 233
Sex Toys	p. 235
Sexual Harassment	p. 238
Sexually Transmitted Diseases	p. 242
Sex with Animals	p. 250
Sex with Straight Men	p. 252
Shaving	p. 253
Side by Side	p. 256
Sit on My Face	p. 256
Sitting on It	p. 260
Sixty-Nining	p. 264
Sleazy Sex	p. 265
Spanking	p. 266
Spirituality	p. 268
Suicide	p. 269
Tearooms and Back Rooms	p. 271
Teenagers	p. 273
Tenderness	p. 278
Three-Ways	p. 279
Top	p. 282
Touching and Holding	p. 284
Trade	p. 287
Transgender	p. 288
Travel	p. 292
Tricking	p. 294
Types	p. 296
Uniforms	p. 297
Vanilla Sex	p. 300
Versatility	p. 301
Water Sports	p. 302
Webcams	p. 304
Web Site	p. 306
Wills	p. 307
Wrestling	p. 310
Appendix	p. 311
Index	p. 323
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition

Anus

Culturally induced ears have given many people phobias about their assholes. This bias against the anus is unreasonable. True, it is used for elimination, but so is the penis -- yet that objection has not made the latter organ any less attractive. The anus is not only an avenue for elimination but also a sexual organ. It is highly sensitive, as it is lined with particularly responsive nerve endings. Moreover, the anus is close to the prostate gland, and its stimulation is highly pleasurable.

All trace of shit can be banished if one takes an enema before intercourse. Every drugstore sells disposable enemas or convenient bulb-shaped plastic ones. Most men who use them regularly keep them in their shower. Daily use of enemas, however, should be avoided, as it could create psychological dependence and/or physical damage to the small intestines. People who are just beginning to experiment with anal sex sometimes fear that sticking a large cock up the anus will tear the skin; proper lubrication and relaxation, however, will prevent pain or damage (see First Time).

More experienced men often worry that by repeatedly getting fucked they will lose muscle tone in their asshole. There is no research on this problem, but it seems thatmany of these worries are probably unfounded and may cover up feelings of guilt (see Guilt). One occasionally finds gay men who disparage achieving sexual pleasurethrough their anuses. This might be a result of low self-esteem caused by the archaic notion that only women get fucked. This is both an insult to their own bodies and historically wrong, since men have found pleasure in their assholes since the time of the cavemen, as we've learned from pictographs.

Barebacking

Barebacking -- fucking without a condom -- is the single most dangerous sex practice there is (see Dangerous Sex). As a method of sexual gratification, it's as old as recorded history. Until the arrival of AIDS, gay men never used condoms when fucking. In fact, pulling out before you came was considered rude. Until the mid-1980s, condoms were deemed kinky, a sex toy among gay men (seeCondoms). The AIDS epidemic caused a change in our way of having sex. As of December 2000, 775,000 people in the United States had been diagnosed with AIDS (the figure for HIV disease is much higher). One-half million have died (see HIV Disease). The worldwide statistics are even more alarming. Since we know so much about the transmission of the virus, fucking someone without a condom is equivalentto two men playing Russian roulette with each other.

Younger men seem to be more attracted to barebacking. Perhaps these risk-taking men haven't watched the slow death of lovers and friends. For them,AIDS is history,like their learning about the Vietnam War. It's simply not in their experience, as it is for an older generation of gay men. That's too bad, because it's a statistical certainty that some of them are going to pay a price -- the diagnosis of HIV disease.

It would be a mistake, however, to look at barebacking only from a moral perspective. Recent research informs us that emotional problems influence a gay man's sexual behavior, including his contribution in transmitting the HIV. Depression is the main culprit. Gay men who are depressed, including both acute and chronic depression, are far more likely to participate in unsafe sex (see Depression; Safe Sex). Men with impulsive personalities, especially excitement seekers, are another category of psychologically impaired gay men. They generally describe themselves as "spontaneous," a claim that is untrue. A man who is spontaneous can make voluntary choices about his behavior; an impulsive man cannot. Both depression and impulsiveness can be effectively treated by both medication and psychotherapy.

If you have a friend who is endangering his life by barebacking, ask yourself whether psychological problems might be the cause. If so, taking a moral approachwon't change his behavior (nor will accusing him of stupidity). Help him to make an appointment with a shrink, but only one well versed in gay sex and HIV research.

How does a responsible gay man (like you) fulfill his sexual desires, but not endanger himself and other gay men? If you're going to fuck, carry condoms. Have them in your night table in your bedroom. Insist that your sex partner use one if he's going to fuck you -- "Put the condom on or put your clothes on." Ignore the entreaties of a man who says, "You can fuck me without a condom," especially since you can be sure that he said the same thing to the man who fucked him last night, and the night before, and ...(see Sexually Transmitted Diseases). If, for some reason -- either you are under the influence of alcohol or recreational drugs or a mix of both -- you do bareback, be sure to get tested about a month later (see Booze and Highs; Drug Abuse; Drugs and Sex).If you test negative,get tested again in two more months. If youbelieve that the man who fucked you might be HIV-positive, treatment with AZT is available.

There may be a day when condoms are no longer necessary because AIDS scientists have successfully produced a vaccine. That's still years off. In the meantime, lovers who are both HIV-negative and who never trick out need not worry about the HIV or STDs.

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition. Copyright © by Charles Silverstein. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from The Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein, Felice Picano
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.