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| Manhattan Cocktail | p. 17 |
| Frumkes for President | p. 21 |
| How to Make a Fortune through Osmosis | p. 25 |
| The Joys of Balding | p. 30 |
| Future Best-Sellers | p. 36 |
| Suing Santa Claus | p. 39 |
| Fact Sheet on Meter Maids | p. 43 |
| This Semester at Frumkes U. | p. 46 |
| Twenty-Thousand Leagues under the Sink | p. 51 |
| Now Is a Good Time to Plant Bulbs | p. 56 |
| Palming a Boeing 747 | p. 60 |
| Feelings of Rejection | p. 62 |
| Truthtellers and Liars | p. 67 |
| How I Made My Millions | p. 71 |
| No More "Doing It" with Frogs | p. 73 |
| Fact Sheet on Adolescence | p. 76 |
| Growing a Literary Garden | p. 81 |
| Rehearsing for the April-in-Paris Ball | p. 83 |
| Tarzan the Ape's Diary Found | p. 86 |
| What Will You Be in Your Next Life? | p. 90 |
| Excerpts from The Frumkes Book of Records | p. 94 |
| Another New Tax Plan | p. 106 |
| Boring Novels Found to Contain Tryptophane | p. 110 |
| Halloween Horoscope | p. 114 |
| Holiday Success and the Art of Executive Giftmanship | p. 116 |
| The Frumkes Circle | p. 122 |
| The All-American Diet | p. 126 |
| Frumkes's Xmas Guide to Toys | p. 132 |
| Does Jogging Cause Warts? | p. 139 |
| I Wonder What Ever Happened to? | p. 143 |
| Some Suggestions for the "Education" President | p. 147 |
| Some of My Pseudonyms | p. 151 |
| Sconce Control and the Toaster Harvest | p. 153 |
| How Will You Die? | p. 158 |
| In Search of the Best Overlooked Private Schools | p. 161 |
| Father's Turn | p. 166 |
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