Messages: The Communication Skills Book

by McKay, Matthew

• ISBN13: 9781572245921
• ISBN10: 1572245921
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-03-03
• Publisher: New Harbinger Pubns Inc

Summary

The classic, best-selling communication skills book,Messages, helps readers build their communication skills in all areas of life. This guide helps readers become adept in active listening, reading body language, identifying communication styles, conflict resolution, public speaking, and more.

Author Biography

Matthew McKay, Ph.D., is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. Martha Davis, Ph.D., was a psychologist in the department of psychiatry at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Santa Clara, CA, for more than thirty years prior to her retirement. Patrick Fanning is a professional writer in the mental health field and coauthor of many psychology and communications titles.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. 1
Basic Skills
Listening	p. 5
Real Vs. Pseudo Listening
Blocks to Listening
Assessing Your Listening Blocks
Four Steps to Effective Listening
Total Listening
Listening for Couples
Self-Disclosure	p. 24
Rewards of Self-Disclosure
Blocks to Self-Disclosure
Optimal Levels of Self-Disclosure
Assessing Your Self-Disclosure
Practice in Self-Disclosure
Expressing	p. 35
The Four Kinds of Expression
Whole Messages
Contaminated Messages
Preparing Your Messages
Practicing Whole Messages
Rules for Effective Expression
Advanced Skills
Body Language	p. 59
Body Movements
Spatial Relationships
Paralanguage and Metamessages	p. 70
The Elements of Paralanguage
Changing Your Paralanguage
Metamessages
Coping with Metamessages
Hidden Agendas	p. 80
The Eight Agendas
Purpose of the Agendas
Transactional Analysis	p. 89
Parent, Child, and Adult Messages
Analyzing Your Communications
Kinds of Transactions
Keeping Your Communications Clean
Clarifying Language	p. 104
Understanding a Model
Challenging the Limits of a Model
Challenging Distortions in a Model
Some Final
Clarifications
Assertiveness Training	p. 125
Your Legitimate Rights
Three Communication Styles
Identifying Communication Styles
Your Assertiveness Goals
Assertive Expression
Assertive Listening
Combining Assertive Expression and Listening
Responding to Criticism
Special Assertive Strategies
Assertiveness Skills Practice
Fair Fighting	p. 150
Unfair Fighting
Identifying Unfair Fighting Styles
Fair Fighting
Fair Fight Rules
Your Script for Change
Validation Strategies	p. 161
What Is Validation?
Why Does Validation Work?
What Validation Is Not
Components of Validation
Successful Validating Strategies
The Power of Validation
Negotiation	p. 173
Four Stages of Negotiation
Dealing with Conflict
Rules of Principled Negotiation
When the Going Gets Tough
Social Skills
Prejudgment	p. 191
Prejudgment Traps
Stereotypes
Approval and Disapproval in Prejudgment
Parataxic Distortions
Perpetuating Illusions
Clarifying First Impressions
Making Contact	p. 205
Fear of Strangers
Guidelines for Making Contact
The Art of Conversation
Putting It All Together
Family Skills
Couples Skills	p. 223
What Makes a Good Relationship?
Schemas
Couples Systems
Keeping Your Relationship Strong
Communicating with Children	p. 246
Listening
Expressing
Joint Problem Solving
When to Let Go
When You Have to Say No
The Point Is...
Family Communications	p. 265
Family Communication Disorders
Family Pathology
Family Systems
How to Keep Family Communications Healthy
Public Skills
Influencing Others	p. 285
Ineffective Strategies for Influencing Change
Effective Strategies for Influencing Others
Your Plan for Influencing Change
Lisa's Plan for Influencing Change
Public Speaking	p. 295
Defining Your Purpose
Outlining the Subject
Presentation
Organization
Audience
Analysis
Style
Supporting Materials
The Outline
Delivery
Dealing with Stage Fright
Interviewing	p. 312
Clarifying What You Want
If You Are the Interviewer
If You Are the Interviewee
Conclusion
Recommended Reading	p. 343
References	p. 347
Index	p. 349
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