Messengers in Denim: The Amazing Things Parents Can Learn from Teens

by Donahue, Dr Parnell

• ISBN13: 9781600651069
• ISBN10: 1600651062
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2010-09-01
• Publisher: Mapletree Pub Co

Summary

Forty years of pediatric experience have taught Dr. Parnell Donahue that the unique perspective of teens is an invaluable resource for parents who want their children to become men and women of character. His often frank discussions with teenagers cover topics familiar to parents ¿ drugs, sex, suicide, medical care, financial responsibility, self-image, religion, even the importance of being nice ¿ but with the added benefit of revealing how teens feel about these and other subjects, and what teens perceive their parents feel about those same issues. Each teen's true story reminds us that, despite appearances, our children carefully watch everything we as parents say and do ¿ and they usually follow our lead. Dr. Donahue further reminds us that children want parents to teach good behavior at all times, "but use words only when necessary." He complements his discussions with medical insight that helps parents fully comprehend the issues facing their teens. The result is a poignant and ofttimes humorous discussion that challenges and usually changes parents' perceptions of modern teenagers.

Table of Contents

Dedication	p. iii
Acknowledgements	p. v
Foreword	p. ix
Introduction	p. 1
Home And Family
Kids Do Listen	p. 7
Trust Your Children	p. 17
The Family Meal	p. 27
In Praise of Mothers	p. 39
Pets Are Family Too	p. 51
Parenting Tips	p. 63
The Importance Of Religion
Religion and Health	p. 67
Religion As a Moral Compass	p. 81
Parenting Tips	p. 95
Substance Abuse
Peer Pressure	p. 99
The Influence of Friends	p. 109
Brother's Keepers	p. 117
Parenting Tips	p. 129
Teen Sexuality
Masturbation	p. 133
Premarital Sex	p. 143
The Condom Hoax	p. 157
Parenting Tips	p. 169
Adolescent Medical Issues
Television and Other Screen Addictions	p. 173
Preventive Immunizations	p. 193
Making Informed Medical Decisions	p. 207
Other Sensitive Issues	p. 223
Suicide	p. 239
Parenting Tips	p. 254
Living Well
The Habit of Happiness	p. 259
Controlling and Using Anger	p. 277
Work for What You Want	p. 293
Money and Finance	p. 307
Just Be Nice	p. 321
Parenting Tips	p. 330
Conclusion What Does It All Mean?	p. 333
Appendicies
Guidelines for Adolescent Preventive Services	p. 343
Review of Health Habits	p. 347
Immunization Schedule	p. 351
Endnotes	p. 353
Sources Cited	p. 379
About the Author	p. 405
Index	p. 407
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

My son Rafe was a bright boy with a GPA of 4.00 to prove it. But more importantly, he was street smart. He played trombone in the marching band, and although he had a lot of fun, he never got in trouble. He knew which kids to avoid and where to draw the line between fun and danger. He was the kind of guy you'd like for a friend, yet he didn't seem to have a lot of friends, just a few close ones who did things the same way he did.

"Tell me, Rafe, how do you deal with peer pressure?" I asked one evening during dinner."

"Peer pressure? What peer pressure?" he answered as if I had conjured the term and the problems associated with it out of thin air. Then he looked at me with his deeply set brown eyes and I noticed for the first time how thin his face was. I'd have to keep a close eye on him to be certain I wasn't just fooling myself, that I wasn't missing some terrible ailment befalling this youngster.

"Well, Rafe," I continued, "I see so many kids who smoke and drink and a lot who use drugs, so there must be some pressure for you to do the same. How do you handle it?"

"How do you deal with peer pressure, Dad?"

"I don't have any peer pressure," I replied, not expecting my well-intentioned query to be turned back on me. I was supposed to be asking the questions, not fumbling for the answers.This skinny kid is sounding smarter than I am,I thought,and I'm supposed to be teaching him and reassuring myself.

"Sure you do," Rafe said. "I work at the Country Club and I see some of the doctors you work with come in every Friday night and drink too much, then get in their cars and drive home. I never see you do that, Dad. Peer pressure is just an excuse to do what you know you shouldn't."

Rafe's revelation was one of those moments that parents dream about but don't really expect to happen. Real life rarely provides clear, moral-building episodes like we used to watch on "Leave It to Beaver" or "The Brady Bunch." It occurred when we were simply having dinner together as a family. Now a sense of urgency surged through me.I need to tell Coach Larsen about this,I thought.

Seven years earlier, when our oldest sons started high school, Coach Larsen and I decided that if we expected our kids not to drink, we shouldn't drink either. We both quit, and at that moment it seemed that the decision was paying off. Still, I wanted to draw my son out further to hear more of what he'd learned from my example and perhaps, just perhaps, what he could teach me, his father.