Mother-Daughter Duet Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter

by Fuller, Cheri; Plum, Ali

• ISBN13: 9781601421623
• ISBN10: 1601421621
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2010-02-16
• Publisher: Multnomah

Summary

A harmonious relationship is possible When your daughter was born, you had a thousand hopes and dreams for her: She will be smart and pretty. She will find her calling and be successful. She will marry a man who loves her forever. She will be happy. When shers"s all grown up, wers"ll be best friendshellip; As life unfolds, even the best intentions go awry. There are so many challenges on the journey to adult friendship that the reality is fraught with friction and frustration. Thankfully, a harmonious relationship with your daughterispossible. Written by a mother and daughter who have successfully navigated the minefield from distance and tension to acceptance and friendship,Mother-Daughter Duethelps moms open wide the door of communication so that daughters want to walk through it. Filled with personal anecdotes and based on proven principles (letting go; listening; respect; setting boundaries; and more), each chapter offers timeless wisdom as well as a daughterrs"s perspective. Often these principles apply to daughters-in-law as well. The relationship between mothers and daughters is intense, personal, complex, and unique. But you can achieve mutual respect and celebrate your differences. You can have the loving, authentic bond you always dreamed of-when you learn the mother-daughter duet.

Author Biography

CHERI FULLER is a best-selling, award-winning author whose books have sold more than one million copies. She speaks to a wide range of women at women's conferences and is a frequent guest on national radio and television programs.

ALI PLUM is Cheri's daughter, a writer and songwriter, a wife, and a mother to Noah and Luke. She and her mom have weathered the ups and downs of their relationship to find one of the most treasured, honest relationships of their lives. Ali has recorded background vocals for popular musicians, and Mother-Daughter Duet is her debut into book publishing.

Excerpts

Introduction
 
An Intricate Duet
 
We all hope to feel our mother’s arm around our
shoulders when we’re worried, to feel it gently let
go when life calms down. It’s an intricate duet that
moms and daughters dance—one backing off when
the other needs space, moving up close when the
unfamiliar threatens.
—CATHIE KRYCZKA, WWW.TODAYSPARENT.COM
 
 
One late afternoon seven years ago, I took care of my daughter’s baby and toddler boys while she went to the doctor. I walked around the house, holding four-month-old Luke in my arms, patting his little back and singing to him to help his colic. Today he’s a healthy seven year-old, but those were stressful months—and long nights of Ali being up with night-owl baby Luke. My daughter’s young family lived with us at the time, so I helped whenever I could.
 
“Hungry, Nandy! Nuggets! Cheerios!” twenty-month-old Noah implored. Holding Luke, I raced around the kitchen, popping chicken nuggets on a cookie sheet and into the oven, then handing him a cup of Cheerios to stave off his hunger. I turned on a Barney video to entertain Noah while the chicken nuggets baked and kept patting and rocking Luke. Needless to say, after two hours this grandma was pooped!
 
When Ali walked in, she took Luke from me and gave him a kiss. I offered her a glass of iced tea and a muffin, and we sat down in the family room. I was hoping we could talk since Luke had simmered down a bit.
 
“How’d your doctor’s appointment go?”
 
After her brief answer I said, “You know, honey, I read this week that when a nursing mom consumes citrus fruits, dairy, and even caffeine, it can cause gas in the baby. Cutting those out might help Luke cry less. What do you think?”
 
In seconds I knew I’d said the wrong thing.
 
“With Luke awake all night, how do you think I could get through the day without several cups of coffee? I can’t cut out caffeine!”
 
Then I started trying to explain that the article had suggested she could drink black or green tea instead. Mistake number two. That just made her madder.
 
“You just don’t understand, and you’re so annoying,” she said, grabbing her diaper bag. She took Noah’s hand and headed for the door. “I’m going for a ride.”
 
I was sorry to have irritated her, and I believed I was only trying to help by offering a little suggestion. No chat, no thank-yous for caring for the boys; just biting my head off and leaving.
 
I often had no idea what kind of mood my daughter would be in—angry or euphoric, depressed or pleasant. Occasionally we had some great moments together, but those were becoming few and far between. Many times when we were around each other, I felt I couldn’t do anything right. Whenever I opened my mouth, whatever I did, no matter how loving my intention—it would irritate her. She’d be exasperated and say, “Oh Mom!” or say nothing at all.
 
Her resentment hurt. I felt her disdain and judgment and didn’t know where it was coming from or what I’d done to deserve it. I could see she was trying to separate and be her own person, and I was trying to give her the space she needed. I was also aware of our differences, but they didn’t explain her attitude toward me or the distance between us.
 
Time after time I was driven to God and prayer—not as a last resort but because he told us to cast our cares, concerns, and worries on him (1 Peter 5:7)—and I definitely had some concerns for my relationship with my daughter. I asked for strength and wisdom to know how to be a support to her in this transition time. I knew prayer was the greatest influence in

---

Excerpted from Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter by Cheri Fuller, Ali D. Plum
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.