Nice Job! : The Guide to Cool, Odd, Risky, and Gruesome Ways to Make a Living

by LOOKOUT MEDIA

• ISBN13: 9781580080330
• ISBN10: 1580080332
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 1999-06-01
• Publisher: Random House Inc

Summary

The career shelf at your local bookstore is packed with guides to finding jobs in perfectly dull professions, but what if you're looking for a real change of pace? NICE JOB! will equip you with all the information you need to swap your career for a lifestyle. This innovative book is packed with detailed profiles on over 80 truly unusual jobs -- from the practical (rare furniture craftsman) to the daring (National Geographic photographer) to the truly bizarre (cadaver makeup technician). Complete with all the facts on each job's benefits, risks, paycheck, and how to get your foot in the door.

Author Biography

Jamie Rosen has hatched some of his share of harebrained schemes. He bankrolled a friend to compete?ɬ?and win?ɬ? on television's Jeopardy. He wrote a semi-bogus restaurant guide to get free meals. He flew back and forth between New York and Boston on the Pan Am Shuttle nine times in one day in order to get frequent flier miles, which he used to visit Mongolia, where he unsuccessfully attempted to write the country's first travel guide. He dropped out of business school to start Comet Systems, where he proudly makes the world's best cursor customizing software. Amidst this cacophony of labor, Jamie somehow managed to graduate from Harvard. The LOOKOUT MEDIA team includes JAKE BROOKS, NICHOLAS CORMAN, CHUCK KAPELKE, SARA SMITH, and MICHELLE SULLIVAN. These wacky job experts all wrote for LET'S GO travel guides while at Harvard.
The LOOKOUT MEDIA team includes JAKE BROOKS, NICHOLAS CORMAN, CHUCK KAPELKE, JAMIE ROSEN, SARA SMITH, and MICHELLE SULLIVAN. These wacky job experts all wrote for LET'S GO travel guides while at Harvard.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. vi
Preface	p. viii
Call of the Wild	p. 1
Pet Groomer	p. 2
Beekeeper	p. 4
Holistic Veterinarian	p. 6
Fish Processor and Deckhand	p. 10
Aquaculturist	p. 12
Risky Business	p. 16
Wildlands Firefighter (Smokejumper)	p. 17
Rodeo Clown (Barrel Man)	p. 21
Hollywood Stuntperson	p. 23
Mercenary	p. 26
Bounty Hunter (Bail Enforcement Agent)	p. 29
Human Guinea Pig	p. 32
Up on High	p. 37
Forest Fire Lookout	p. 38
Blimp Pilot	p. 40
Helicopter Traffic Reporter	p. 43
Bush Pilot	p. 46
Flight Attendant	p. 49
Airshow Pilot	p. 52
Voyeurs and Poseurs	p. 55
Mystery Shopper	p. 56
Pilgrim	p. 59
Mall Santa	p. 62
Cartoon Character Impersonator	p. 65
Drag Queen	p. 68
Private Investigator	p. 71
Paparazzo	p. 75
Audience Member	p. 78
Celebrity Autobiography Collaborator (Ghostwriter)	p. 80
Sex Sells	p. 83
Stripper	p. 84
Porn Star	p. 87
Geisha	p. 90
Erotic Screenwriter	p. 93
Dominatrix	p. 96
Romance Novelist	p. 99
Civil Servant	p. 102
Executioner	p. 103
Out on a Limb	p. 106
Prosthetist	p. 107
Body Part Model	p. 110
In the Flesh	p. 113
Plastic Surgeon	p. 114
Body Piercer	p. 117
Taxidermist	p. 121
Funeral Home Cosmetologist	p. 124
Tattoo Artist	p. 126
Cool Jobs	p. 129
Zamboni Driver	p. 130
Polar Meteorologist	p. 133
Dog Musher	p. 136
Ice Sculptor	p. 139
Good Humor Man	p. 141
Christmas Tree Farmer	p. 145
God Is in the Details	p. 148
Crossword Puzzle Writer/Editor	p. 149
Product Name Developer	p. 152
Pooper Scooper	p. 155
Accessories Designer	p. 159
Baby Proofer	p. 161
Mohel	p. 164
Weird Science	p. 167
Bigfoot Research Director	p. 168
SETi Researcher	p. 171
Cryonicist	p. 174
Atomic Clock Timekeeper	p. 177
Hypnotist (Hypnotherapist)	p. 180
Cryptographer	p. 184
Demolition Contractor	p. 187
Telephone Psychic	p. 191
Your Name in Lights	p. 196
Sports Mascot	p. 196
The Real World and Road Rules Story Editor	p. 199
Performance Artist	p. 202
Paranormal TV News Show Researcher	p. 205
TV Weathercaster	p. 208
Radio Contest Winner	p. 211
Voice-over Actor	p. 214
Food for Thought	p. 217
Ice Cream Flavor Developer	p. 218
Wedding Cake Chef	p. 220
Army Food Technologist	p. 224
Brewmaster	p. 227
Restaurant Critic	p. 230
Sommelier	p. 234
Professor at Hamburger University	p. 237
Let's Get Physical	p. 239
Harlem Globetrotter Opponent	p. 240
(American) Football Player in Europe	p. 242
Armwrestler	p. 244
Yoga Instructor	p. 247
On the Move	p. 250
National Geographic Photographer	p. 251
Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol Member	p. 254
Circus Roustabout	p. 257
Bicycle Messenger	p. 259
Club Med Go	p. 262
White House Advance Person	p. 265
Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

Chapter One

Call of the Wild

Pet Groomer

Job description: Basic grooming includes bathing the animal (usually twice), and performing a massage and lump check for unusual growths, a nail trim, and an ear cleaning. Dematting (thinning out dense clumps of fur) and clipping are also common services. Show dog groomers do the artful canine topiary that has made poodles notorious.

Compensation: Usually a 30 percent to 60 percent commission. Groomings cost about $20 to $50, depending on the provider, the animal, and the sophistication of the grooming. Show dog groomers make a bit more than domestic pet groomers do.

Prerequisites: No special schooling is required. Grooming schools do exist; it's just that they're relatively small and have the unfortunate habit of going out of business. If you're thinking of opening your own pet grooming establishment, it makes sense to have some business training.

Qualities employer is seeking: A love of animals and lots of patience are the most vital credentials. Aspiring pet groomers often apprentice themselves to established ones and volunteer their time until they've gained the necessary skills to go out on their own. And, of course, allergies are a significant, even prohibitive, handicap.

Perks: Free samples of flea shampoo, pet toys, and the like. If you're on the show circuit, there's the extra glamour that comes with competition and exposure to some of the best groomers in the nation. Pet owners who care enough (and have enough money) to bring in Pooch or Kitty for a grooming are generally a bighearted and laid-back bunch. The biggest perk, notes groomer Steven Longo, is "a clean animal and a happy owner."

Risks/drawbacks: Cats are, in fact, more dangerous than dogs, because their teeth are smaller and sharper and they have claws (and, boy, can they be temperamental). In fact, while one person can usually handle the most unruly dogs, it often takes two to handle a recalcitrant cat. In terms of disease, no groomer has ever died of heartworm (it's not transmittable to humans), but tapeworm and ringworm are both transmittable through the skin. Groomers generally don't wear gloves, because they need to feel the animal to check for lumps, so the risk of disease is ever-present. In the northeast, deer ticks carry Lyme disease, a potentially life-threatening illness. Due to the stressful nature of the job, there's a high rate of burnout. Most groomers only stay in the field for five or ten years before moving on, often to kennel work.

Overview

The pet industry is a growing one. Supply stores, retail pet shops, dog obedience schools, and kennels are all on the upswing, and pet grooming is riding the wave. Perhaps it's the recent media attention on the positive effects of pets on human health. Studies have shown that pets are good for you. In fact, some life insurance companies now adjust their premiums depending on whether you have a pet.

    Pet groomers, however, hold that a good grooming shouldn't be a luxury; it's a necessity, just like it is for people. "There's nothing sadder than seeing a dog in really awful shape," says Longo. "The owner feels terrible, the dog feels terrible." While some owners bring in their pet religiously, once a month, others only arrive on special occasions--a birthday or a visit to the vet.

    The overwhelming majority of pet groomers are women. "It's like hairdressing," admits Longo, who weathers the same jibes that men with a human clientele do. Reasons for this remain as mysterious as reasons for the dearth of male hairdressers. Longo points out that, while a man's brute strength would seem to be an advantage in wrestling a St. Bernard into a tub, it seems that most animals respond better to a woman's gentle touch. (Your clients won't care if you're a man or a woman, or even if you screw up and cut too much off the top, when you're a cosmetologist for the dead; for more, see "Funeral Home Cosmetologist," p. 124.)

Practical Information

Look for job openings in the help wanted ads, or just stop by a local groomer or kennel and inquire. The National Dog Groomer's Association has a job helpline. You can also try contacting the National Kennel Operator's Organization.

    For those who want formal training, there are pet grooming schools scattered throughout the country. For example, the Arizona Pet Grooming School, in Fredonia, Arizona, encourages you to "change your career while on vacation!" (Several national parks are in the vicinity.) The standard two-month course includes a full overview on washing, trimming, decorating, and teeth and nail cleaning; according to promotional literature from the company, students are given use of "their own `hands on' pet to groom in a relaxed modern atmosphere." For more information visit their Web site, www.xpressweb.com/dog-grooming-school, or call 520-643-7377.

    There is a virtual cottage industry of pet grooming books. Would-be groomers can check out Guide to Home Pet Grooming (Barrons Educational Series) for a general primer on the subject. For those who are interested in starting their own grooming company, pick up From Problems to Profits: The Madson Management System for Pet Grooming Businesses . The author, Madeline Bright Ogle, of Santa Clara, California, has for twenty-five years owned one of the world's largest pet salons in the world.

Beekeeper

Job description: Though the word conjures images of graying hobbyists or obsessive entomologists, beekeepers are actually an extremely vital part of agriculture--and not just for the honey. The main service that most professional beekeepers provide is pollination. Orchards and other farms require the help of a few hives of bees to get their yield up each year. A beekeeper's job is to develop and look after the hives, cart hives to and from different farms, and harvest the honey that is the byproduct of pollination. Some beekeepers are also moving into apitherapy, which puts bee venom to use in the treatment of arthritis and multiple sclerosis.

Compensation: While there are large bee farms, most beekeepers would actually call themselves hobbyists or small farmers at best. Many of the hobbyists strive to break even (beekeeping equipment, such as new hives or extracting drums for honey production, can get expensive), and the small farmers just aim to support themselves and their families while still doing what they love. Few people get rich keeping bees.

Prerequisites: A beekeeper must desire independence and solitude, must truly love bees and beekeeping (believe it or not, it can be rough work), and of course, must not mind getting stung. "Bees can sense anger," says one beekeeper. "You have to have a mellow soul."

Qualities employer is seeking: Most beekeepers are self-employed. However, they must be independent, driven, business-minded, and totally dedicated to their craft (especially since the rewards are rarely financial). A strong connection to bees, bordering on instinct, is also essential.

Perks: People become beekeepers almost entirely because they love and are fascinated by bees. So, for most beekeepers, the biggest perk is simply being able to do what they love. Other perks include freedom, self-employment, and honey.

Risks/drawbacks: Getting stung. This can, in fact, be life-threatening. A particularly angry or "Africanized" ("killer") hive can swarm around a person, stinging enough times to actually be fatal, even if that person is not allergic. This is, however, extremely rare. Most beekeepers are stung as many as a dozen times a day, with no lasting adverse affects. Beekeeping can also be backbreaking labor (hives full of honey are quite heavy--especially when you're lifting them in something akin to a spacesuit), sometimes with little financial reward.

Overview

Beekeeping may be the oldest form of agriculture, and looking back to the days before refined sugar, one can guess why. Honey is, literally, like nectar, and to a sugar-deprived population, every taste of honey must have been the Mesolithic equivalent of a bowl of Froot Loops--certainly worth battling swarms of angry, stinging bees to reach. (If you feel ready to take on more than a swarm of fuzzy little fliers, consider a career as a mercenary, p. 26.)

    Though most of us have grown numb to the now-tame sweetness of honey, beekeeping is still extremely important, and the taste of honey still intrigues refined palates. Connoisseurs of honey can tell the original flower that fed the honey and its quality, as well as the quality of the hive itself; younger hives produce lower-quality honey than do older, more established hives. The boutique honey business is bustling, though still waiting for micobrewery levels of success. Most American beekeepers produce honey for small brands; big-name honey tends to be imported today.

    Even more important than honey production is the pollination that bees provide to farmers' crops. Remember the birds and the bees? In their search for nectar, bees pick up the pollen of one flower and drop it off at the next, helping to fertilize the second blossom. Emery Hall tells of a blueberry farmer who didn't use the services of his hives. When a new owner came in and hired Hall's bees, the harvest rose from five or six tons of berries to twenty-two tons. According to one article, one-third of all food consumed requires bees for pollination.

    Bees tend to take the winter off, so a beekeeper's busiest season is the summer, when fifteen-hour workdays are not uncommon. The beekeeper checks on the bees regularly (which often means traveling between several different farms) looking for signs of damage (North American beehives have been hit badly in recent years by parasites) or filled honeycomb frames to cart off and turn into honey, The beekeeper also transports the hives from farm to farm and back home for the winter.

    Beekeepers love the mystery and the efficiency of bees. Bees have very developed social structures, can communicate complex directions with a dance, and are almost totally devoted to their work and hive. Perhaps it is that last point that appeals to a certain strain of Yankee who takes immense joy out of working with these cranky creatures.

Practical Information

Anyone with a hive is a beekeeper, but to turn it into a business, you'll need at least 100 hives, and probably close to 1,000. Since each hive has 30,000 or more bees during the summer, you can see that you'd have some work on your hands. You need all of the bees, though; to make one pound of honey, 550 bees need to visit more than 2.5 million flowers. Each healthy hive makes between 50 and 400 pounds of honey a season, and hives are rented to orchards and farms for $30 to $40 each.

    Most people new to beekeeping start as hobbyists, which is easy enough to do. Farm supply stores often carry beekeeping supplies, and many communities have beekeeping associations; contact your state or local agricultural office. Of course, you could just find some bees; an unwritten rule in beekeeping is that whoever finds a swarm, keeps it--just be sure you have a hive ready.

    On the Internet, you can find information at weber.u.washington.edu/~ jlks/bee.html. A good recent article, called "The Hum of Bees," appeared in the September 1998 issue of Harper's Magazine .

Holistic Veterinarian

Job description: Use holistic methods--chiropractic, acupuncture, and homeopathy--to treat pets and other animals.

Compensation: All-holistic clinics are still rare. Most practitioners have "mixed practices," supplementing traditional veterinary medicine with holistic services for patients that request them. Sessions of animal chiropractic run from $30 to $100 depending on the location and the size of the animal. An initial exam for animal acupuncture costs $40 to $75, and a standard treatment on a large animal generally runs about $200. Homeopathy costs around $115 per session. By contrast, a twenty-minute session with a conventional vet costs around $60 to $70.

Prerequisites: In general, one must be a licensed veterinarian to practice holistic medicine on animals. In addition, training in various techniques is required. For example, the American Veterinary Chiropractic Association in Illinois requires a $2,500, 150-hour course for certification in animal chiropractic. Also, the candidate must pass a written and practical exam administered by the association with a grade of at least 80 percent. Finally, the aspiring animal chiropractor must submit three case studies to a board for review prior to certification. The International Veterinary Acupuncture Society has similar certification requirements for budding acupuncturists.

Qualities employer is seeking: Besides a commitment to the health of animals, most holistic vets share a pioneering spirit and an open mind, only natural for the first generation of a field practicing hotly debated techniques.

Perks: Holistic vets are largely able to set their own schedules. Vets who use acupuncture and chiropractic can also create a bustling practice with racing animals, who need treatment to stay in top form. Jan Golash, of the Crossroads Equestrian Center clinic reminds skeptics, "These animals are athletes, and like any other amateur or professional athletes, they become stiff or suffer muscle strain."

Risks/drawbacks: Holistic veterinary medicine isn't sanctioned everywhere; animal chiropractic is still not legal in about half of the states in the U.S. The "practice act" of a state usually means that it is only legal for a licensed veterinarian to treat animals. However, this is changing state by state, as professions like animal chiropractor take hold.

Overview

With Americans increasingly exploring alternatives to traditional health care, it is perhaps inevitable that they would take their pets along for the ride. As pioneering holistic vet Dr. Allen Schoen reports, "Many of my clients are on natural health programs. Then they'd go to a veterinarian who was feeding their animals drugs and they began to think, `Why not explore alternative medicine for my dog or cat or bird or ferret?'" Holistic medicine encompasses a wide variety of nontraditional medical techniques, all sharing an avoidance of drugs and surgical procedures.

    The three major areas of holistic veterinary medicine--chiropractic, acupuncture, and homeopathy--use treatments similar to their human analogues. In chiropractic, animals are adjusted in about thirty minutes; acupuncture substitutes needles and Fido's central nervous system for calipers and braces; and homeopathy involves injecting a variety of distilled toxins (e.g., arsenic, poison ivy, rattlesnake venom) in minute doses to stimulate the body's natural defenses. In practice, these techniques range from placing small needles in the temples, neck, and shoulders of an English setter to cure a brain abscess to simply feeding a cow gallons and gallons of cheap beer to cure a displaced stomach. Carvel Tiekert, a member of the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association, takes a more teleological view of the situation, defining holistic medicine as "anything that works." Follow-ups vary according to the nature of the problem. In minor cases, vets simply advise the owners to keep an eye out for signs of recurrence or administer herbal or vitamin supplements.

    Proficiency in holistic techniques gives veterinarians a chance to diversify and increase their traditional practice. Advocates of holistic animal medicine also see the field as a way to legitimize holistic medicine for humans. Unlike humans undergoing New Age techniques, animals have no idea what they're getting into, and there is accordingly no "placebo effect." And holistic vets seem to be winning over some human converts. Dr. Schoen reports: "Clients come here and see how well holistic medicine works on the animals and then they say, `What about me?'"

    Animal practice also helps innovate and advance tried and true methods of holistic medicine, most notably acupuncture. In an odd collision between science fiction and centuries-old Asian mysticism, the use of lasers instead of needles is becoming increasingly prevalent in animal acupuncture. The portable laser units create the same physical sensation as the needles and are easier to use, as animals instinctively dislike being poked with needles. At least, this is the explanation tendered by manufacturers of expensive laser acupuncture equipment.

Practical Information

The alternative vet medicine field is small but growing. In 1997, there were 230 certified animal chiropractors in the country. And only 350 of the 60,000 licensed vets in the United States are trained in acupuncture techniques. But the growth has been astonishing. Though the field barely existed fifteen years ago, today there are around 700 members in the ranks of the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association. As holistic medicine becomes the treatment of choice for growing numbers of Americans, you can bet they'll be dragging even more of their feline, canine, and other friends along.

    Unless you're already a licensed veterinarian, you'll need a couple years of vet school before you can start getting paid to put needles in dogs. For additional information, try www. altvetmed.com, a clearinghouse for information related to holistic animal medicine. The American Veterinary Chiropractic Association is headquartered at 623 Main St., Hillsdale, IL 61257, and the International Veterinary Acupuncture Society can be reached at P.O. Box 2074, Nederland, CO 80466.

Copyright © 1999 Jamie Rosen. All rights reserved.