Open up or Shut Up! : How to Talk Your Way into or Out of Anything!

by Deutsch, Barbara

• ISBN13: 9781463427627
• ISBN10: 146342762X
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2011-06-29
• Publisher: Author Solutions

Excerpts

INTRODUCTION My name is Barbara Deutsch, and I'm a self-help junkie. I am mesmerized by leaders and coaches and teachers. I've re-birthed, sat in seminar rooms for hours without peeing, held tomato juice cans attached to an e-meter so my energy could make a needle shake, and helped build someone else's transformational company just because I like talking to people. I'm exhausted from my enthusiasm. I've found and cradled my inner child, discovered what planet men are really on, and stood on a mountain with Native American Indians at the Harmonic Convergence. Full disclosure: I left early because I didn't want to put my mouth on the peace pipe. I've studied Sun Tzu's the Art of War, found my calling after reading the book Callings, and traveled on multiple planes without even getting on a plane thanks to Shirley MacLaine. I've meditated with Lazarus and listened to Seth speak. I've thrown the I Ching, had a Guru blow on my head for $100 a session, and had countless conversations with God. I've put myself through seven steps of this and 12 steps of that, followed my bliss, and drank quarts upon quarts of chicken soup. And guess what? I still couldn't ask my boss for a raise. I couldn't complain when I waited too long at the doctor's office. I couldn't break up with my boyfriend, sell my treadmill on-line, or raise my hourly fee for years without feeling guilt, stress, and fear of overstepping. I'm writing this as a handbook - a "hand book" to have handy when you need to have a certain conversation and don't want to, or when you are having too many conversations and no difference is being made. What do you want to accomplish? That is the key question in any interaction. Don't be afraid of what you want. Plan on having courage. It's an act of courage when you say what you are afraid to say. When it comes to honest communication, people may not know what is appropriate and what's inappropriate. You need to know if you're crossing someone's boundaries or if you're constantly letting yours be crossed. Find out with this book if you just like to be right and will fight To The finish no matter what, or if you're more the type to roll over without a fight. Conversations are essential. We have them every day, all day long. One crappy conversation can ruin your whole day or longer. I want to show you how to be more thoughtful in your communication so your days are better. That's the point, isn't it? to have better days and produce good work and enjoy our relationships and raise families and be happy. What if the way you speak to others and to yourself dictates the course of your life? Imagine thinking before you react to someone. Imagine reacting and speaking up instead of being silent. You need to have a conversation with someone that makes you uncomfortable. What do you do? You wait. You put it off. Tomorrow is a good idea. Over the weekend is even better. Uh-oh, can't do it Monday morning, it might ruin their day. By the time you decide to have the conversation, it becomes this huge confrontation. The uncomfortable feeling becomes terror and you speak in a language you've never heard come from your mouth. Or you become mute and give up. What if you had tools to help you speak in the moment so that your uncomfortable conversations don't become ugly confrontations? With this book, created a light-hearted walk through real life situations, conversations, and interactions, handling the very serious topic of communication with humor, compassion and straight talk. I have created scenarios with dialogues that show how magnificent people, The people you and I think the world of, can sometimes sell themselves out. Based on a lifetime of observing people and all I have read, I can still get in trouble, burn bridges, and create havoc because of how I react. There's always more to learn. Along the way, I'll share some of my tried and true tools as well as my own personal war stories - some because they illustrate a point and some because they're just good stories. My mission in writing this book is simply to help you achieve whatever it is you want, personally and professionally. There will be no high-fives! There will be no retreats where we get in groups in the woods and share. Nothing naked happens and there's no weird food tasting. No PowerPoint presentations. No bullying. No singing Kumbaya, although with my Broadway background, I do burst into song on occasion. My clients humor me. I want you to get what you want and never sell yourself out. I want to introduce you to yourself and show that you don't have to carry the past around like a ball and chain. I want to peel away the veils of everyone else's opinions and judgments so you can discover your own potential and be thrilled. I want you to be an influence rather than be influenced. Think of me as your own Personal Champion, a trainer for new muscles and someone to help revive the ones that haven't been used in a while. I'll be your number #1 fan, but not in a Kathy Bates Misery kind of way. I want you to remember how amazing you are and stop listening To The distractions around you. Let's undo the mess that you got yourself into and fix it. You can stop reading self-help books (except this one) and start planning your own life adventure. That's what this book is really about. Within these pages are tools and examples of my clients' path to success. My personal stories prove I'm silly, imperfect and very good at making lemonade out of lemons. Enjoy