Out of My Mind

by Rooney, Andy

• ISBN13: 9781586484163
• ISBN10: 1586484168
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2006-10-02
• Publisher: Public Affairs

Summary

Every Sunday evening, millions of viewers tune in to60 Minutesto hear Andy Rooney riff on everything from coffee percolators to the state of the union. Millions more read his weekly newspaper column. Why? Because Rooney tells it like it is. But Rooney fans have never seen him quite like this. Andy Rooney is plain frustrated by what's going on in America and the world. Why can't Americanslet alone our presidentspeak English anymore? How do we expect to fight a terrorist enemy that we can't even locate? And when did capitalism go so terribly wrong? This book isn't all heady stuff, though. Readers will also get the familiarand hystericalRooney gripes about everyday foibles, such as the impossibility of physically locating your driver's registration, of purchasing a genuinely healthy breakfast cereal, or of enjoying a college reunionunless everyone ends up in their nighties, that is. PublicAffairs is pleased to present its fifth collaboration with Andy Rooney. Loyal Rooney fans and anyone who enjoys a good laugh at life's absurdities will be thrilled to add it to the bookshelf during the holidays.

Author Biography

Known to millions for his regular commentary on the television newsmagazine 60 Minutes, and his weekly syndicated newspaper column, Andy Rooney is also the author of numerous bestselling books. He has published four previous books with PublicAffairs: My War, Sincerely, Andy Rooney, Common Nonsense, and Years of Minutes.

Table of Contents

Preface	xiii
PART 1. DAILY LIFE
We're Wasting Away
Just Another Day
States by the Numbers
Weathering the Storm
Forget the Birthday Greetings
The Junk Building Boom
Life Becomes Less Neighborly
The Retractable Wedding
Better by Far
Wedding Dumbbells
A Job Easily Done
Some Thoughts on Vacations
The Smell of a New Car
Expensive Bed, Bad Breakfast
The Rain in Spain and Here
Ring a Ding Ding
Easy Pass for Airlines
The Agony of Flight
Going Nowhere Fast
Take a Stay Home Vacation
The Perfect Pat Down Person
Technologically Illiterate
No-Show Repair People
A Name Is a Brand We're Given
Snowy Thoughts in Summer
Sizing Things Up
Merry Christmas for All
Sorting Well-Aged from Old
The Sound of Silence
Don't Mess with My Grass
Notes on the News
PART 2. FEELING PHILOSOPHICAL	57	(48)
The Evil that Men Do
The Terror Goblin
Pro- and Anti-Semitism
Anti-Israel, Not Anti-Semitic
Who? Me Worry?
Not a Lovers' Quarrel
The History of History
Faith in Science
Vouchers for Atheists, Too
War Is Heaven
Human and Inhuman Nature
No Women Allowed
Architecture as Art
Is It Music or Noise?
Too True to Be Good
For It and Against It
What Goeth Before Falling
Leave No War Behind
To Catch a Thief
Using the Flag
Brokaw: Anchor Away
Not about the Pope
Too Many Churches
The Koran Is Their Bible
Murder Most Vile
Food for Thought
PART 3. ON FOOD AND DRINK	105	(18)
War on a Full Stomach
Vive La French Food
Food for Thoughtless
Betrayed by an Appetite
Cooking's the Thing When Vacation Comes Around
The Kitchen Sink in Cookies
Some Thoughts about Drinking
We Aren't What We Eat
The More You Eat
PART 4. AT WORK AND IN THE NEWSROOM	123	(22)
It's Time to Rearrange Time
Reading Time
My Name's Been Stolen
On Liking Your Work
Free Speech
No News Is Bad News
A Report on Reporting
Don't Stop the Presses!
Life Is Good...Or at Least Fairly Good
Not the Retiring Kind
PART 5. THE NATION AT WAR	145	(42)
Thoughts on a Peacetime War
Diplomacy: Lying Politely
Uninformed and Misinformed
The Ashcroft Issue
A War of Words
A Geography Lesson
A Preemptive Strike
To War or Not To War
Our Un-United Nation
The President and History
Muslims and Democracy
The Looter Mentality
A Vote against Democracy
Words Don't Do It
Electing a Dictator
Talk to Us, George
Apologizing for Apologizing
Heroes Don't Come Wholesale
Good Days, Bad Days
We Should Leave While We're Behind
Never Mind Who Won
Torture, American Style
No Easy Answers
PART 6. ON POLITICS	187	(50)
Liberal Is a Dirty Word
Election Day
Judging the Judges
No Unconventional Conventions
Beating around Bush
We Need Smarter Leaders
Clinton and Bush
You Do, I Think
The Power of a President
Schwarzenegger for President
The Person You Elected
Which Side Are You On?
The Good Losers
Einstein for President
Hooray for Politicians
Crab Grassroots Campaigning
A Phone Call to Remember
In Bed with Business
Time—Both Off and On
A Nothing-Nothing Tie in D.C.
Good President, Bad President
Divided We Stand
No More Gas Guzzling
Not an Interview with Bush
Ex-Presidential Perks
Talking Heads
Working for Bush
The Kyoto Decision
PART 7. MY LIFE	237	(42)
Hopelessly Copeless
On Being a College President
Cars I Have Known
Another Lost Weekend
Reunion: To Go or Not To Go?
The Kashmir Expert
Man Is Dogs' Best Friend
You've Probably Had It
A Less Than Merry Christmas
Talking the Talk
Missing Five Hours
Things I Love To Hate
Pursuit of Truth, Not Fiction
A Ship at Sea
A Star-Spangled Trip
Things to Do Today
How to Sleep
A Full House
The V-E Day I Know
Fugeddaboutit
Food for Holiday Thoughts
PART 8. ON MONEY	279	(34)
Our Poor Are Rich
It Calls for a Revolution
Free Enterprise Anarchy
All Hail the Rich!
The Billion-Dollar Pooh
Name Lottery Losers
The Horse Race Economy
It's the Economy, Stupid
Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man
The Saving Grace
All Play and No Work
Free Enterprise Is Expensive
Write Tax Laws in English
Raising My Blood Pressure
What Goes Up Never Comes Down
The Gas Bill
Don't Be Greedy
The Business of War
PART 9. THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE	313	(22)
English Foreign to Too Many
English as She Is Spoke
Down with the Semicolon
The Sopranos, A Base Voice
Law among the Sorry Lott
English Isn't Easy
Humor Isn't Funny
The Complexities of Language
A Few Words on Words
The Handwritten Word
PART 10. THE SPORTS FAN	335
The Good-Bad World of Sports
The Trouble with Baseball
Eat Your Heart Out
Why I Love the Giants
Pitch Away from Ballgame
Not Watching Television
Before Joining the Huddle...
Too Many Games
It Should Have Been Super