Parent Grief: Narratives of Loss and Relationship

by Rosenblatt,Paul C.

• ISBN13: 9781583910337
• ISBN10: 1583910336
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2000-02-01
• Publisher: Routledge

Summary

Explores what couple and individual stories say and do not say about the child's dying and death and about parent grief. The author uses narratives as his tool for the introduction and exploration of the many facets of parental grief.

Author Biography

Paul C. Rosenblatt, Ph.D., is Morse-Alumni Teaching Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota.

Table of Contents

Preface	xi
Acknowledgments	xv
The Narratives of Bereaved Parents	1	(14)
Domains of Bereaved Parent Narrative	2	(4)
Common Domains	2	(1)
Areas that Never or Hardly Ever Become a Domain	2	(2)
Relations among Common Domains	4	(1)
What Is Gained from Organizing Narratives in Domains	5	(1)
What Can Be Gained by Studying Bereaved Parent Narrative	6	(1)
What Parents Say Is Rooted in Culture and Community	7	(3)
Parent Grief Is Relational	10	(1)
The Language of Grief Theories	10	(2)
Studying Language Using Language	12	(1)
Summary	13	(2)
Coming to a Couple Language about the Death	15	(12)
Immediate Pressure to Construct New Realities	15	(2)
Numbness and Having No Reality to Draw On	17	(1)
Shared Couple Narratives	18	(7)
Searching for What Is True and Right	19	(1)
Marital Conversation about the Death	20	(2)
Narratives of Couples Who Had Talked a Lot	22	(3)
Summary	25	(2)
The Story of Dying and Death	27	(36)
Every Parent Had a Story of the Death	27	(1)
Common Contextual Elements	28	(9)
Premonitions and Omens	29	(1)
The Stories Locate Events in Time	29	(1)
The Stories Locate Events in Place and Space	30	(1)
Characterizing the Child	31	(1)
Parents as Players	31	(4)
The Social Setting	35	(2)
The Story of the Dying Process	37	(11)
Dying as a Matter of Learning and Awareness	39	(1)
Metaphors in Talk about the Dying Process	40	(4)
Making Sense of the Actions and Words of Physicians	44	(2)
Morality and Agency in Dying	46	(2)
The End of Life	48	(7)
Last Contact	48	(1)
Last Minutes of the Dying Child	49	(1)
Last Words	50	(1)
The Moment of Death	51	(3)
Reconstructing the Dying and Death	54	(1)
Naming the Cause of Death	55	(2)
What Ifs	57	(1)
Metaphors for Death	58	(3)
Summary	61	(2)
Death Rituals	63	(12)
Baptism	63	(1)
Autopsy	64	(1)
Police Inquiry	64	(1)
Organ Donation	65	(1)
Wakes, Visitations, Funerals, Memorial Services, Burials	66	(6)
Dealing with Funeral Directors	66	(1)
Letting Others Know about the Death	67	(1)
Meaning-Making in Funeral Decisions	68	(1)
Funeral Attendance	69	(2)
Words Said During the Funeral	71	(1)
Burying the Child in a Meaningful Place	71	(1)
Rituals Beyond the Funeral	72	(2)
Summary	74	(1)
Metaphors of Grief Feelings	75	(18)
Grief is an Entity	75	(2)
Grief is Emotionally Draining	77	(1)
Emptiness and Holes	77	(2)
Part of Me Died	79	(1)
This Child Was Special	80	(3)
Loss of the Parent in the Child	82	(1)
A Death So Bad It Kills	83	(1)
A Loss So Bad My Grief Was Out of Control	83	(1)
The Language of Pain	84	(1)
The Language of the Body	85	(2)
Deep Depression and Suicidal Thoughts Measure Grief	87	(1)
The Anger of Grief as Metaphor	88	(1)
Guilt and Blame as Measures of Loss and Grief	88	(1)
The Language of Money	89	(2)
Summary	91	(2)
The Chasm Between Grieving Parents and the World	93	(10)
The Chasm and Where It Comes From	93	(2)
First Encounters with Others Across the Chasm	95	(1)
The Part of Bereaved Parents in Making the Chasm	96	(1)
The Challenge of What to Doabout the Chasm with Others	97	(2)
The Chasm Between Partners	99	(1)
The Chasm Between Life Before the Death and Life After It	100	(1)
Summary	101	(2)
How Parents Explain the Grief Process	103	(20)
Upbringing, Tradition, and Personal Characteristics	103	(6)
Family and Ethnic Foundations	103	(2)
Breaking with the Past	105	(1)
Character and Personality	106	(3)
Parent Metaphors for the Grief Process	109	(12)
The Grief Process as a Measurable Quantity	109	(1)
Coming to Terms	109	(1)
A Journey	110	(5)
Putting Life Back in Order	115	(1)
Surviving	116	(1)
Getting Over It	116	(3)
Healing	119	(1)
Acceptance	120	(1)
Parent Metaphors for a Failed Grief Process	121	(1)
Summary	122	(1)
The Continuing Connection with the Child	123	(16)
The Child Continues in the Parent's Life	123	(1)
Remembering the Child	124	(3)
Keeping Reminders of the Child	127	(2)
Creating Reminders, Memories, Memorials	129	(2)
Interaction with the Child	131	(2)
Continuing to Be the Child's Parent	133	(1)
Continuing the Child's Timeline	134	(1)
Future Reunion with the Child	135	(2)
Summary	137	(2)
Narratives about the Couple Relationship	139	(18)
Talk about Divorce and Emotional Distance from Spouse	139	(5)
Talk about Couple Differences	144	(4)
Talk about Conflict	148	(3)
Becoming a Stronger Couple	151	(1)
Speaking about Sexuality	152	(2)
Summary	154	(3)
Narratives about Parenting Other Children	157	(6)
Grieving and Distance from Surviving Children	157	(1)
``Replacement'' Children	158	(1)
Parenting a Child Who is Grieving	159	(1)
Making the Child Who Died Real for the Child's Siblings	160	(1)
Protective Parenting	160	(1)
Summary	161	(2)
Finding Support	163	(10)
Who Was There	163	(3)
The Support of People Who Have Had Similar Losses	166	(2)
Sorting	168	(2)
Talking to Others about the Death	170	(1)
Summary	171	(2)
Learning What There Is to Say	173	(14)
Learning the Language of Medicine	174	(3)
Learning Through Comparing	177	(4)
Learning from Reading and Song	181	(2)
Limiting Learning-Not Wanting to Learn More	183	(1)
Limits to Learning-When There Is No Language	184	(1)
Summary	185	(2)
Meaning and Meaning-Making	187	(20)
Grieving as a Process of Finding Meaning	187	(1)
Parent Meaning-Making	188	(16)
What Is Real and Natural and What Is Not	188	(1)
Finding Meaning by Knowing What Has Been Lost	189	(1)
Searching for Positive Meanings	190	(7)
Making Meanings with Things	197	(5)
Making Meanings with Places	202	(2)
Summary	204	(3)
God and Religion	207	(16)
Why Did God Do It? Why Didn't God Help?	208	(8)
The Death as a Challenge to Religious Belief	208	(3)
Parent Responsibility and the Power of Prayer	211	(1)
Resolving the Challenge to Religious Belief	212	(3)
When the Challenge Remains Unresolved	215	(1)
Interacting with God about the Death	216	(2)
The Child Is with God in Heaven	218	(2)
Realities for the Child in Heaven	220	(2)
Summary	222	(1)
Perspectives on Parent Narratives and Society	223	(8)
Parent Narratives	223	(2)
What Parent Narratives Say about U.S. Society	225	(6)
Money-Earning Work Comes First	225	(1)
The Primacy of Social Order	226	(1)
The Privatization of Tragedy	226	(1)
The Failure of Communal Empathy	227	(1)
The Array of Frames for Dealing with Tragedy	228	(3)
References	231	(6)
Appendix. Methodological Details	237	(12)
Finding Parents to Interview	237	(1)
The Interviews	237	(2)
The Parents in This Book	239	(1)
Narrative Analysis	240	(2)
Validity	242	(2)
An Interview Guide	244	(5)
Index	249