The Power of Humility

by Whitfield, Charles L.; Whitfield, Barbara Harris; Park, Russell, Ph.d.; Prevett, Jeneane, Ph.d.

• ISBN13: 9780757303999
• ISBN10: 0757303994
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-07-18
• Publisher: Hci

Summary

The Power of Humility is a remarkable book that presents profound tools for changing your life in simple, practical steps. . . . It will help us see the solutions that were there all the time, hidden from view by our own habits. -Bruce Greyson, M.D., Professor of Psychiatry, University of Virginia School of Medicine Do you shy away from conflict? Do you tend to over- or under-react during disagreements? Is it difficult for you to rise above a painful problem in a relationship? If so, you're not alone. We all experience conflict on a daily basis, whether its with another person like a coworker or boss, or in a triangle with two other people such as in a family relationship. Dealing with strife isn't easy because most of us don't clearly understand one of the most critical yet overlooked skills to successful relationships: humility - and how to best express it. From four of America's top experts on emotional healing, spirituality and recovery, comes a new approach to solving the conflicts that cause us both physical and emotional stress. Bestselling author Charles Whitfield and three leading experts explain that having humility doesnt mean being a doormat or turning the other cheek - it's about being authentic, open and understanding. Using case studies, cutting-edge clinical research and compelling narrative, they show you how to harness the power of humility in your own lifeat home, at work and in your community. By doing so, you will be able to speak your mind, get things accomplished more harmoniously and feel more satisfied with yourself and your relationships. Let The Power of Humility show you how to have peace in your life.

Author Biography

Charles L. Whitfield, M.D., is a physician, psychotherapist, and internationally recognized expert on mental illness, behavioral problems, and recovery. He has been on the faculty of the Rutgers University Summer Institute of Alcohol and Drug Studies since 1978, and in private practice of medicine and psychotherapy since 1976. He has been voted by his peers as one of the Best Doctors in America every year since 1994. He lives in Atlanta, GA

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xi
Introduction	xiii
PART ONE: INTRODUCING HUMILITY
1. Our Global Story	3	(12)
2. Humility	15	(16)
3. Humility: With or Without It	31	(8)
4. Who Am I? A Map of the Mind	39	(10)
PART TWO: THE UNCONSCIOUS DANCE
5. Level 1 Triangles	49	(20)
6. How to Get Out of Unhealthy Triangles	69	(28)
PART THREE: THE POWER OF HUMILITY
7. Level 2 Triangles: From Conflict to Co-commitment	97	(14)
8. Level 3 Triangles: From Co-commitment to Co-creation	111	(12)
9. Level 4 Triangles	123	(18)
Epilogue	141	(6)
Appendix A: Quotes on Humility from A Course in Miracles	147	(4)
Appendix B: Humility and the Twelve Steps: The Sixth and seventh Steps of A.A. and Other Twelve Step Fellowships	151	(5)
Appendix C: Quotes on Humility from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions	156	(3)
Appendix D: The Twelve Steps and A Course in Miracles	159	(2)
Appendix E: Further Characteristics of the Four Levels	161	(8)
Notes	169	(3)
References	172	(2)
About the Authors	174	(3)
Index	177

Excerpts

Introducing Humility Our Global Story The pain of unresolved conflict is common. Many of us live with it every day. For example, on 9/11 our prior world-view of the safety within our shores was shattered by fundamentalist religious terrorists. These people are polarized against anyone not like themselves and locked into a primitive view and way of handling conflict. This conflict is a double-edged sword it both unites us with each other and separates us from them. How can we best handle this painful time? What possibilities and choices do we have? What are the implications, both personally and collectively, of our choices in creating our future? Could the tragedy of 9/11, in a strange way, be the beginning of a new era? Perhaps if we each work to heal ourselves, eventually and collectively we can help to heal our world. We start by listening to the conflicts within ourselves. Then we work with others to heal our personal relationships. In this book, we offer new skills for a new way of peaceful being with ourselves, others and the God of our understanding. We take this new knowledge into our lives and world and watch this fresh way of handling conflict develop, evolve and spread. The following is a history that demonstrates the constructive use of humility in a personal conflict. History 1.1: Sandra's Story Sandra, a fifty-five-year-old 'adult child' of an alcoholic has been in recovery for four years. She has three married children and is in a second marriage of ten years. She told her psychotherapy group after she and her husband returned from a ten-day visit with two of her children and their families in another state: My husband and I were together constantly for several days and spontaneously started to argue as we walked into my son's house. My grandson and son were standing there, and it was quite embarrassing, but we couldn't stop snapping at each other. After several minutes I said I was going shopping with my grandson, and my husband took off with my son, who said as we were all leaving, 'I'm convinced that all couples fight, and it's no big deal.' I could feel my embarrassment fade away, and I started to examine my anger at my husband. I knew we had been together too much or much more than we are used to. I spent the rest of the day with my kids trying to stay away from him but not being obvious. Driving back to our motel, I looked at him and again replayed in my mind what he had said and how he looked when I snapped at him. I remembered our discussions in group about the feelings that are painful boiling up from our unresolved anger from when we were kids. My anger at the moment we snapped at each other was much bigger than what was going on between us, and it felt like we were both out of control. I felt a tinge of compassion for him. I know his family background and suddenly realized how much pain he must have been in to snap at me like that. In a moment of humility, I made a conscious decision not to fo

---

Excerpted from The Power of Humility: Choosing Peace over Conflict in Relationships by Charles Whitfield, Barbara Whitfield, Russell Park, Jeneane Prevett
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.