A Random History of Football

by Murray, Colin

• ISBN13: 9781409103769
• ISBN10: 1409103765
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2011-03-01
• Publisher: Orion Pub Co

Summary

Nowadays a top Premiership football club can spend 50 million on a Portuguese pin-up or a legendary Italian goalkeeper, but you cannot take into account the effects of a dodgy takeaway meal, a dropped bottle of aftershave on a goalkeeper's toe, or the fact that your most creative player has to leave town because of a chance drunken encounter with another player's wife. It is these random moments that have shaped football as much as the headline-grabbing Cantona kung fu kick and that Russian linesman in 1966. In this witty alternative history of football you will learn:* Different sizes of football were used in each half of the inaugural World Cup Final of 1930.* Sheffield United almost signed Diego Maradona.* Saddam Hussein changed the result of an Iraq versus Chelsea match.* Bury FC's Robbie the Bobby tops the league of worst-behaved mascots.From the height of international football to the scandal of the Conference league Christmas party that cost far more than a bar-bill, Colin Murray tries his best to make you believe, once more, in football's unpredictability.

Table of Contents

Forward	p. ix
Fights, Broken Bones and Sudden Death
The Referee's a … Duck! - men in black, with guns	p. 3
Step away from the Ironing Board - bizarre football injuries	p. 9
Til Death Us Do Part … Twice - unfortunate fans and their plight	p. 15
You're through to the Final - Have You Got Life Insurance? - Broken bones and damaged ligaments	p. 19
Seconds out … Here's the Gaffer - managers lose the plot	p. 25
And as We Go to the Judge's Scorecards … - feuding players	p. 31
Putting the 'Brat' into Celebration - the aftermath of scoring	p. 37
Start the Fans … Please!
1 Across - Is This Pen Permanent? (5 letters, anag.) - tattoo disasters	p. 45
Martin, to Ball, to Balloon … Goal! - unlikely 12th 'men'	p. 50
Furry Fights and Monkey Business - mascots with attitude	p. 55
Ball Boys Make Rod for Goalkeeper's Back - ball boys gone bad	p. 60
You're not Cycling any More! - the world's only unlucky Brazilian fan	p. 64
We Could Be Heroes …
It's the Late, Late Show, and Here's Your Host - super subs	p. 71
Would You Like That Giant Killing with Fries? - giant killing and the USA	p. 77
Roy, Lawrie and the Unbelievable Truth - football's most unlikely hero	p. 83
Hello … Quinn Cabs, Can I Help You? - the good guys of football	p. 89
Is That Steve McQueen Playing up Front for Oldham? - the greatest escapes	p. 96
To Alexandra … with Love - when football matters more than money	p. 102
Outfield Players Pay the Penalty - when there's no one else to go in goal …	p. 106
I Can Hardly Bayer to Look … - the last word in comeback kings	p. 111
Footballing Failures
Big Noses and Big Egos - why Cristiano Ronaldo isn't a Liverpool player	p. 119
Shrimps, Sell-outs and Shell Suits - the ultimate player bargain hunt	p. 124
How Much Is That in 'Real' Money? - worst … signings … ever	p. 131
Gone in 600 Seconds - the plight of the luckless manager	p. 137
Stirling Effort Lads … How Many Did We Lose By? - worst … teams … ever	p. 142
Football's Own Worst Enemies - own goal maestros	p. 148
Pass Me the Razor Blades - Sheffield United's brush with Diego	p. 154
The X Files
Would the Real Luther Blissett Please Stand Up? - moniker madness	p. 161
Oh Keeper Where Art Thou? - why keepers are a different breed	p. 166
Oh Brother Where Art Thou? … Where? Macclesfield? - poor relations	p. 170
How to Score Penalties and Influence People - how to win the dreaded shoot-out	p. 174
Does He Know How to Wash Dishes? - the player who didn't want to play	p. 180
40 New Managers a Season and We'd Win the League! - new manager effect	p. 185
The Scillyest League in the World - the two-team affair	p. 191
Did We Win? It's in the Banks! - Gordon's premature celebration	p. 195
Breaking the Law
Home-made Footballs and Overthrown Governments - the 1930 World Cup	p. 201
Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For? - con artists and fraudsters	p. 206
I'll Have a Fiver Witch-Way Please … - dead cows and superstitions	p. 211
When the Reds Go Marching … Off - red card specialists	p. 218
Match of the Uday - when Saddam foiled Chelsea	p. 223
Shoot! No, Don't! Yes, Do! I Need to Lie Down - football at its most ludicrous	p. 230
Bolivia … Where Cheating Comes Naturally - the heights of foul play	p. 235
And When You're Not Playing Football?
A Double for the Animal, and a Lager Tops for the Monkey - just Edmundo	p. 243
Love Is Blind, Football Is Deaf - footballers' crimes against music	p. 248
There's No Smoke without Players - the infamous nicotine addicts	p. 253
Badges? We Don't Need No Stinking Badges! - Blue Peter and Sir Les	p. 258
Balls, Balls and More Balls - old-school playboys	p. 261
Football's Outsized Baggage - the tall, the fat and the ugly	p. 266
What Could Have Been
Regrets, They've Had a Few - missing out on the big day	p. 275
I've Started So I'll Not Finish - abandoned matches	p. 279
They Have Their Knockers, But … - the history of ladies' football	p. 284
Referee! Are You Blind? Westlake Clearly Dived! - when one sport is not enough	p. 281
It's a Chicken and Egg Situation - it's not over until it's over	p. 294
The Greatest Never Player - could have been, but sadly wasn't	p. 299
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.