Sexual Arrangements

"Till death do us part," "Forsaking all others": Marriage demands lifelong fidelity - at least in theory. Yet there is evidence that more than 50 percent of all partners have affairs at some time in their marriage. In this profoundly hopeful book about married couples facing transitions, overcoming pain, and sustaining marriage in the wake of infidelity, Janet Reibstein and Martin Richards outline their groundbreaking ideas about affairs and the healthy marriage. They show exactly what is wrong with the concept of marriage - that one's wife or husband will satisfy all of his or her partner's social and sexual needs.
Highlighting the real stories of the many couples they have worked with in therapy, Reibstein and Richards demonstrate how the structure of marriage itself may encourage affairs. The greatest lover, the best father or mother, the perfect companion and best friend - we expect our partner to be everything to us, and inevitably the experience of marriage falls short of our expectations. But by identifying - and demolishing - the myths of marriage, the authors reveal how men and women can reconcile their fantasies with the reality they live every day. Elucidating the particularly vulnerable stress points in marriagesurprisingly, the first year is one - the authors demonstrate why affairs do not necessarily mean that a marriage has failed. The authors discuss the role of secrecy in marriage, and explain how affairs are very different for husbands and wives. (More women than ever are having affairs and, contrary to stereotype, they are having affairs that are primarily about sex, not love.) They also examine the impact of affairs on children. Sexual Arrangements is a revelatory book that will help reshape our understanding of how to make marriage fulfilling and enduring.