The Secret Lives of Men

by Blazina, Christopher

• ISBN13: 9780757306600
• ISBN10: 0757306608
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2008-09-01
• Publisher: Hci

Summary

Say Goodbye to Guessing Games, Communication Conflicts, One-sided Conversations, 'Dry Spells,' and Silent Treatments For centuries women have been trying to put into words what perplexes them most about men. However, the inner world of the male's psyche continues to succeed in outwitting women, and The Secret Lives of Men is the long-awaited antidote that unravels the mysteries that keep women from enjoying true connection and authentic relationships with the men in their lives, whether they be husbands, partners, sons, fathers, or friends.In this provocative and pivotal book, male psychology expert, researcher, and professor, Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., contends that contrary to popular belief, men really do want to be understood, not cast aside as unemotional, backward thinking, desensitized, or 'clueless' and they desire to connect with others. With unbiased compassion and true understanding of the needs of both men and women, Dr. Blazina offers techniques and prescriptions for navigating the emotional, physical, and intellectual realms of the male psyche at all stages of his life. Through The Secret Lives of Men you will: Discover the 'Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male' Learn about the secret shoebox and how to get him to unlock this 'holy of holies' Have a better sex life and get on the same page about what feels hot and what does not Identify the 'proper,' effective ways to give feedback to a man Avoid the major relationship landmines and let healthy conflict deepen relationships Men have secret lives, and they are complex and multidimensional. The Secret Lives of Men serves as a bridge between you and the men you want to know and understand.

Author Biography

Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist who has published more than twenty-five scholarly articles about the psychology of men and masculinity and is the author of the text The Cultural Myth of Masculinity

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. xi
The Secret, Inner World of Men
The Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male	p. 3
The Secret Shoe Box: The Basis for Love and Sex	p. 21
Man Emotions: More than Sex and Aggression	p. 45
Beyond the Body Armor: When Feelings Are Exposed	p. 83
The Growing-Up Years
Peter Pan Doesn't Live Here Anymore	p. 117
Lost Boys to Renaissance Men	p. 149
Making Peace with the Past
The Father and Mother Wounds	p. 183
Making Peace with the Shadow Parents	p. 215
What Every Man Needs from a Woman, but Is Afraid to Ask
The V Spot: Castrating the Man You Love	p. 255
How to Offer Constructive Feedback to a Man	p. 287
Why Every Man Needs a Guardian and How to Become One for the One You Love	p. 311
References	p. 349
Index	p. 354
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

The Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male We are a rule-driven society. Read some of the great Western philosophers like Rousseau, Locke, or Hobbes, all of whom were very concerned with social contracts that ensured that the powerful did not devour the powerless. Or, on a less cerebral level, rent a copy of the black-and-white version of The Lord of the Flies, the film showcasing what happens when a planeload of British schoolboys are stranded on a deserted island with no adult supervision. I will give you a hint: it looks less like Gilligan's Island and more like Survivor on steroids with an entirely new meaning for being voted off the island. As a society we shy away from anarchy as a general rule. As a result, there are school rules, religious rules, traffic rules, etiquette rules, work rules, and so on. It is no surprise there are very specific ones that have been created for men well-established societal messages that males receive about how to be a man that I have identified as 'The Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male.' This might conjure up the image of a bearded Moses-like figure descending from the mountain with stone tablets in his hands; a hush falls over the crowd as he declares in a powerful, authoritative voice that these are the commandments for men, laws that all men must follow or punishments will ensue. For many men, these commandments carry a level of authority that should never be questioned. They are ingrained into our culture as irrefutable truths. Sometimes men who have broken these commandments have received somewhat unsympathetic punishments from a society that can be uninformed about the struggles that men face. Subsequently, there is a trickle-down effect from cultural to familial law, when unwitting parents enforce the commandments through harsh reprimands. While parents think they are helping prepare their sons for the real world through conforming to the commandments, too often a boy's spirit or sense of individualism is broken as a result. These commandments cannot only have powerful effects upon men's emotional and physical well-being, but they also touch the people dear to them. If a boy or man feels weighted down as a result of following the commandments, those in his inner circle can also suffer. Given the vast number of societal rules that have been created over the years, rest assured that not all of them are good ones; some are outdated, and others need to be rewritten. The same is true for the commandments for men. These societal rules and standards have taken a particular shape over hundreds of years. Greek mythology, the shift from pagan to Christian religion in the Holy Roman Empire, medieval mind-sets and philosophy, misinterpreted scientific research applied to gender roles, folklore, and social tradition are but a few of the cultural dynamics that play a part in shaping how we think men (and women too) should be. Without considering how culture has evolved, and with it expectations for both

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Excerpted from The Secret Lives of Men: What Men Want You to Know about Love, Sex, and Relationships by Chris Blazina
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.