Understanding Men's Passages

by SHEEHY, GAIL

• ISBN13: 9780345406903
• ISBN10: 0345406907
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Trade Paper
• Copyright: 1999-05-04
• Publisher: Ballantine Books

Summary

Her stunning bestsellers Passages and New Passages brilliantly mapped the changes we live through from youth to maturity. Now Gail Sheehy guides contemporary men through the turbulent challenges and surprising pleasures that begin at forty. As a man crosses that threshold, he is bound to ask midlife's most troubling question: Now what? Work anxieties, concerns over sexual potency, marital and family stress, issues of power, all take on new urgency as men contemplate the decades ahead. But as Gail Sheehy reveals in this major new book, midlife is precisely the period when men are most likely to reinvent themselves and become masters of their fate. In Understanding Men's Passages, Sheehy offers all men--and the women in their lives--an essential guide to self-discovery. Hundreds of bold, imaginative men--celebrities as well as everyday heroes--share here their most intimate desires, deepest fears, and most fervent cravings for renewal. Decade by decade, Sheehy uncovers the real issues facing men today: finding new passion and purpose to invigorate the second half of their lives, dealing with "manopause," surviving job change, enjoying post-nesting zest, defeating depression, and learning what keeps a man young. Informative and inspiring, grounded in fact and full of fascinating life stories, Understanding Men's Passages is a landmark that will take its place beside Gail Sheehy's epoch-making Passages and New Passages.

Author Biography

Millions of readers defined their lives through Gail Sheehy's landmark work, Passages, and through its bestselling sequel, New Passages. Among her twelve books is the huge international bestseller that broke the taboo around menopause, The Silent Passage. Ms. Sheehy is also a political journalist and contributing editor to Vanity Fair. The mother of two daughters, she divides her time between New York City and Berkeley, California, where she lives with her husband, editor and lecturer Clay Felker.<br><br><br><i>From the Hardcover edition.</i>

Table of Contents

Author's Note	p. 17
Acknowledgments	p. 31
What Do Men Want?
It's a Guy Thing	p. 35
Are You Prepared for Another Life?	p. 46
But I'm Not Ready!	p. 51
The Need to Know and the Fear of Knowing	p. 54
The Eight-Hundred-Pound Gorilla	p. 57
The New Map of Adult Life	p. 62
The Wife's Nightmare	p. 67
What to Do with All This Leftover Life?	p. 71
Flourishing Forties
Why Do I Still Feel Like a Kid?	p. 79
The Vanity Crisis	p. 83
A Flagrant Freedom	p. 90
The Father-Son Midlife Power Struggle	p. 97
When You Comin' Home, Son?	p. 99
The Dead Father	p. 101
The Midlife Delinquent	p. 105
Manhood on Trial	p. 112
Yuppie Playing Catch-up	p. 113
Banker "Excessed" at Home	p. 115
The Sole Breadwinner's Insecurities	p. 115
The Idealist's Angst	p. 116
A Hard Time to Be a Man in His Forties	p. 121
Confronting the "False Self"	p. 124
Are You What You Smoke?	p. 127
"The Big Impossible"	p. 130
The Reluctant Father	p. 136
First Fatality Jitters	p. 140
Moving Up the Mortality Markers	p. 146
Honor Among Men	p. 149
Manly Sports: More Than Just a Game	p. 152
Current Manhood Models	p. 157
Married and Mortal	p. 175
The Aha! Moment	p. 175
The Heart of the Matter	p. 180
The Stonewaller's Defense	p. 189
The Trouble with Wives	p. 195
Fearless Fifties
Passage to Your Second Adulthood	p. 203
The Samson Complex	p. 206
Mature Masculinity	p. 212
Former Pro Football Star	p. 217
Geezer in Graduate School	p. 218
Globe-trotting Journalist Turns Gardener	p. 219
The Fearless Professor	p. 223
Beyond Power	p. 228
Barry Diller's Search for Self	p. 235
Prospero's Passage	p. 244
Welcome to the Age of Influence	p. 248
Redirect Your Life Before the Hammer Falls	p. 254
The Dark Night of Joe O'Dell	p. 257
Destructive Defenses	p. 262
The Comeback of Joe O'Dell	p. 265
They'll Never Fire Me	p. 268
The Rebirth	p. 273
The Window of Opportunity	p. 278
Midlife Money Realities	p. 280
What Could Spook John Wayne?	p. 283
Give Up "I'm the Big Shot"	p. 285
Building a Team	p. 289
Opening the Spiritual Dimension	p. 292
Find Your Passion and Pursue It	p. 298
Love and War with Wives, Fathers, Children	p. 303
From Competing to Connecting	p. 305
Gender Crossover: Comfort or Crisis?	p. 309
Coaching the Coach	p. 313
Withholding Sex	p. 320
The Safety Net Wife	p. 324
Making the Crossover Work	p. 331
Brain-Sex Changes	p. 333
Mellowing Out	p. 336
Empty Heart	p. 337
Mr. Mom	p. 340
Father Hunger	p. 343
Letting Go of a Growing Son	p. 344
How Many Men Friends Can You Count?	p. 349
The Nest Is Empty -- Are You Ready for Love in the Morning?	p. 355
Who's Afraid of Male Menopause?
The Male Sexual Life Cycle	p. 361
Magical Expectations	p. 362
The Male Sexual Life Cycle	p. 369
The Unspeakable Passage	p. 376
Men Behaving Intelligently	p. 383
Mind over Manliness	p. 389
Secrets of Perpetual Virility	p. 391
Would You Rather Have Steak and a Smoke Than Be a Sexual Athlete?	p. 392
Magic Bullets	p. 397
When Sunday-Afternoon Football Is Better Than Sex	p. 401
Free Testosterone!	p. 404
DHEA: A Man's Master Hormone	p. 408
Chemical Machismo	p. 409
Couples Work	p. 414
The Testimonial Woman	p. 422
Teaming Up to Find the Right Treatment	p. 424
Influential Sixties
Passage to the Age of Integrity	p. 429
Secrets of Well-being in the Sixties	p. 431
Imagining the Paul McCartney Retirement Home	p. 436
Don't Retire! Redirect!	p. 438
Looking for Your Postcareer Career	p. 442
His and Her Retirement Fantasies	p. 446
Progress Versus Despair	p. 452
The Black Tempest	p. 455
Don't Back Up, Severe Tire Damage!	p. 460
Help Is Not Hard to Get	p. 464
I Am Not Having a Heart Attack!	p. 469
Absorbing the Blows of Fate	p. 474
What Keeps a Man Young?
Unconventional Wisdom	p. 481
Do Men Have to Die Earlier Than Women?	p. 485
Unretired Champions	p. 490
Growing and Regenerating Brain	p. 497
Spiritual Hunger	p. 501
Love in the Twilight of Life	p. 503
A Lusty Winter	p. 505
Appendices
Appendix A	p. 511
Passage to Your Second Adulthood
Coping with Job Loss	p. 511
Strategies for Surviving Job Loss in Middle Life	p. 513
Resources: Career Counselors	p. 516
Appendix B	p. 518
Love and War with Wives, Fathers, Children
Resources: Couples Therapy	p. 518
Appendix C	p. 520
Secrets of Perpetual Virility
Shopping for a Doctor/Male Health Clinic	p. 520
Resources: Physicians and Therapists for Sexual Health Issues	p. 521
Appendix D	p. 525
Passage to the Age of Integrity
Preretirement Couples Exercises	p. 525
Appendix E	p. 527
Progress Versus Despair
Warning Signs of Depression	p. 527
Bibliography	p. 529
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