Why Boys Don’t Talk--and Why It Matters A Parent's Survival Guide to Connecting with Your Teen

by Shaffer, Susan Morris; Gordon, Linda Perlman

• ISBN13: 9780071417877
• ISBN10: 0071417877
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-12-30
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education

Summary

Helps parents reopen the lines of communication with "silent" teenage sons and stay emotionally connected with themAdolescent boys are notoriously uncommunicative. Unfortunately, too many parents equate not talking with not feeling, and, as authors Susan Morris Shaffer and Linda Perlman Gordon explain in this groundbreaking guide, parents who make that assumption end up validating only the most superficial aspects of their sons. Recent bestsellers such asReal BoysandThe Wonder of Boyshave done a good job of sensitizing parents to the inner lives of boys and opening their eyes to how society shortchanges boys emotionally.Now,Why Boys Don't Talk--and Why It Mattersgoes a step further. Coauthored by a nationally acclaimed expert on gender equity and a social worker--both of whom successfully raised teenagers of both sexes--it: Arms parents with proven techniques for communicating with their adolescent sons and reestablishing strong emotional bonds with them Draws upon focus groups as well as the authors' considerable experience in gender equity research and counseling, to analyze the subtle ways boys communicate connection

Author Biography

Susan Morris Shaffer an educator for more than 30 years, provides assistance to state education agencies and public schools in the areas of gender and multicultural education.

Linda Perlman Gordon, L.C.S.W., M.Ed. (Chevy Chase, MD) is a clinical social worker, trained mediator, and graduate of the prestigious Family Therapy Practice Center.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xi
Introduction	xiii
Life in the Balance
Why Boys Don't Talk---and Why It Matters	1	(12)
A New Vision: Individuation and Connection	13	(12)
Do We Push Our Sons Away?
New Challenges for Building Connections	25	(10)
What Can We Do to Foster Closeness?
The Veil of Masculinity	35	(14)
What Is the Impact of ``Boys Will Be Boys''?
What Statistics Tell Us	49	(20)
What Is It Really Like to Be a Boy Today? (With the assistance of Elizabeth Shaffer)
Focus on Adolescent Males of Color	69	(24)
What Cultural Factors Affect the Development of African American, Asian, and Latino Teenage Boys to Form and Sustain Connections with Parents, Schools, and Friends? (With the assistance of Lynson Moore Beaulieu)
A Work in Progress	93	(8)
How Do We Create More than Just a ``Few Good Men''?
Somewhere Between Superhero and Geek	101	(10)
How Do We Make It Okay for Boys to Break Out of the Box?
The Debate About Nature Versus Nurture	111	(10)
How Powerful Is Biology's Impact on Behavior and Learning?
Historical Perspective: The Myth of the ``Good Old Days''	121	(12)
Do We Want Things the Way They Were?
Strategies for Parents: A Baker's Dozen	133	(16)
Where Do We Go from Here?
The Power of Connection	149	(6)
How Can We Redefine Masculinity?
APPENDIX A Positive Parenting	155	(2)
The Law of Return
APPENDIX B Overview of Focus Groups	157	(6)
APPENDIX C Focus Group Interview Guide	163	(2)
Adolescents
APPENDIX D Focus Group Interview Guide	165	(2)
Parents
APPENDIX E How Vulnerable Is My Teen to Depression?	167	(2)
APPENDIX F Violence Fact Sheet 2004	169	(4)
APPENDIX G Guns, Gangs, Harmful Threats, and Injury Are Part of Teen Lives	173	(2)
The 2001-02 PRIDE Summary Report---Violence Survey of Grades 6-12
APPENDIX H What Can You Do if You Suspect Your Child Is Involved in a Gang?	175	(2)
References	177	(14)
Bibliography	191	(16)
Index	207