Summary

The international bestselling authors of "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" deliver a practical, humorous guide about sex and love. This is a must-have book for anyone who wants to get the most from his or her relationship.

Author Biography

ALLAN and BARBARA PEASE are the most successful relationship
authors in the business. They have written a total of 15 bestsellers –
including 9 number ones – and give seminars in up to 30
countries each year. Their books are available in over 100
countries, are translated into 51 languages and have sold over
25 million copies. They appear regularly in the media worldwide
and their work has been the subject of 9 television series, a stage
play and a No.1 box office movie which attracted a combined
audience of over 100 million.

Acknowledgments	p. v
Introduction	p. 1
Looking for "the One"	p. 3
How the Western World Got So Screwed Up About Sex	p. 5
The Statistics	p. 7
Sex on the Brain	p. 9
Same Goals, Different Agendas	p. 10
The Power of Love	p. 12
The Biology of Love	p. 13
Love At First Sight	p. 14
Darwin Made Me Do It	p. 14
Let's Stick Together	p. 15
Why Lovers Are So Crazy About Each Other	p. 17
I Get a Shiver Down My Backbone	p. 18
I Can't Sleep, I Can't Eat	p. 19
What Brain Scans Reveal	p. 20
Might as Well Face It, You're Addicted co Love	p. 21
The Geography of Sex and Love in the Brain	p. 22
Why Men and Women See Love Differently	p. 24
How Men's Brains Rate Attractiveness in Women	p. 25
How Women's Brains Rate Attractiveness in Men	p. 26
Why Lust Doesn't Last	p. 28
What Happens When You Get Dumped	p. 30
Summary	p. 31
Straight Talk on Sex and Love	p. 33
How Times Have Changed	p. 34
How Humans Are Now Studied	p. 36
Why Being Loved and Being in Love Are So Important	p. 37
The Seven Types of Love	p. 40
Our Love Maps	p. 41
How Hollywood and the Media Color Our View	p. 42
Why the Twenty-First Century Is Harder for Men	p. 44
Summary	p. 46
What Women Really Want	p. 47
The Changing Needs of Women	p. 48
Mamma Told Me, "Shop Around"	p. 49
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun	p. 51
The Truth About What Women Want	p. 53
Wealthy Men Give Women More Orgasms	p. 56
The Top Five Things Women Want from Men	p. 57
Commitment-Why a Man Should Give a Woman an Impressive Ring	p. 65
The Last Ten Things a Woman Would Ever Say	p. 67
Seven Simple Things Women Find Attractive In Men	p. 67
Why No Woman Wants a Loser	p. 71
Women Will Always Want Resources	p. 72
Summary	p. 72
What Men Really Want	p. 74
How the Media Shape Men's Views	p. 76
What Men Really Want	p. 79
What a Man Will Do for Sex	p. 80
Men Don't Think About Relationships	p. 81
Decoding Manspeak	p. 83
Men Seek Reproductive Value	p. 85
Getting to the Point	p. 87
What the Personal Columns Reveal	p. 89
Why Attractiveness Has Become So Important	p. 90
What "Attractive" Means	p. 92
Take a Leaf from the Amazons	p. 93
What Men Look for in Beauty	p. 93
Our Universal Beauty Contest	p. 95
Our Reaction to Attractive Faces Is Inborn	p. 95
What Turns Men On-the 70% Hips-to-Waist Ratio	p. 96
What Turns Men Off About Women	p. 97
Physical Choices for Gay Men and Women	p. 98
How Governments Have Become the New Husband	p. 99
Summary	p. 99
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship-Casual Sex	p. 102
What Is Casual Sex?	p. 104
A Definition of "Sexual Relationship"	p. 106
Why We Have Casual Sex	p. 108
How We Feel After Casual Sex	p. 111
How Dads Influence Their Kids' Attitudes	p. 112
How Many Partners Do You Want?	p. 112
Sexual Fantasies and Casual Sex	p. 113
How Gay Men and Women Look at Things	p. 115
Summary	p. 116
Your Place or Mine? Affairs and Cheating	p. 117
What Is an Affair?	p. 119
Your Cheating Heart	p. 120
Why Affairs Happen	p. 123
It Can Happen at Any Level	p. 125
Why Women Play Around Less Than Men	p. 126
Six Common Myths About Cheating	p. 127
The Nine Different Types of Affairs	p. 129
Why the "Perfect Affair" Is a Fantasy	p. 133
I Heard It Through the Grapevine	p. 134
Eight Classic Signs of a Cheater	p. 134
How to Handle a Cheater	p. 137
Getting Things Right	p. 140
A Guide to Recovery After an Affair	p. 140
Four Vital Strategies to Avoid Becoming a Cheater Yourself	p. 142
Summary	p. 142
How to Find the Right Partner(s)-the Mating Rating Quiz	p. 144
How Most Relationships Start	p. 144
Matching with the Right Partner	p. 146
Core Values and Beliefs	p. 147
The Five Most Common "New-Relationship" Mistakes	p. 148
The Mating Rating	p. 150
The Mating Rating Quiz-How Do You Measure Up In the Marketplace?	p. 153
How to Find a Great Partner	p. 165
How to Change Your Love Life Forever	p. 166
How to Play the Numbers Game with Your List	p. 170
Who You Should Avoid	p. 173
Clues About Mr./Ms. Wrong	p. 174
When the Chemistry Is Wrong	p. 175
The 9% Rule	p. 176
Summary	p. 177
Fifteen Mysteries About Men That Women Don't Understand	p. 179
Why Men Wake Up in the Morning with an Erection	p. 180
Why Sex Can Be Just Sex for Men	p. 181
The Nothing Room	p. 182
Why Men Are Obsessed with Women's Breasts	p. 183
Why Men Won't Tell the Truth to Women About Sex	p. 184
Why Men Love Curvy Women	p. 188
Why the G-Spot Is Like a UFO	p. 189
Why It's So Important to Men for Women to Initiate Sex	p. 189
Why Men Get It So Wrong in Nightclubs	p. 190
When Is a Man Ready for Commitment or Marriage?	p. 191
Why Mature Men Wear Speedos in Public or Proudly Display a Potbelly	p. 193
Men and Their Fetishes	p. 194
What Men Worry About	p. 195
Why Men Have Difficulty Saying 'I Love You'	p. 196
The Top Five Questions That Frighten Most Men	p. 197
Twelve Truths About Women Most Men Don't Know	p. 200
What Women Want from Sex	p. 201
Why Women So Rarely Initiate Sex	p. 204
How to Make Women Want Sex More Often	p. 206
Why Women Have Orgasms	p. 209
Why Smart Women Are Often Fools in Love	p. 210
Why Women Prefer Older Men	p. 210
Why Women Want to Be Touched	p. 211
Why Women Seem Distracted During Sex	p. 213
How Women Perceive Sexual Aggression	p. 214
How Women View Sexual Harassment	p. 214
Why Women Fantasize About Bad, Bad Men	p. 216
Why So Many Women Prefer Chocolate to Sex	p. 216
Summary	p. 217
Thirteen Tactics That Can Improve Your Mating Rating	p. 219
Eight Things Men Can Do to Improve Their Rating with Women	p. 219
How Men Criticize the Competition	p. 226
Five Things Women Can Do to Increase Their Mating Rating	p. 226
How Women Criticize the Competition	p. 232
A Happier Future Together?	p. 234
Married People Are Now the Minority	p. 236
Are Today's Youth More Informed?	p. 237
Why New Love Always Seems So Promising	p. 238
We Are Definitely Differenr	p. 239
Do Opposites Really Attract?	p. 241
The World's Worst Lovers	p. 242
How Women In Other Countries View Sex	p. 243
Who Is Missing Out?	p. 244
Put Your Finger on Your Sex Drive and Success	p. 245
The Science of Future Love	p. 248
Sniffing Out a Good Partner	p. 249
Ten Reasons Why Sex Is Good Medicine	p. 250
How So Many Were Fooled	p. 251
Who Gets Who?	p. 252
Why Evolution Is Probably Over	p. 253
When to Discuss Problems	p. 254
Summary	p. 255
References	p. 259
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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Excerpts

Chapter 1

Sex on the Brain

   Passion, infatuation, romance, "the hots," obsessive love, beer goggles . . . these are the words we use to describe those feelings of ecstasy, elation, bliss, and rapture that almost all people will experience in some way at some time in their lives.With them come the feelings of anguish, distress, pain, agony, torment, and grief. For thousands of years, experts have tried, with little success, to define romantic love, usually concluding that it must be controlled somehow by forces outside ourselves, suchas the mystical, supernatural, or spiritual. Yet we have no difficulty in pigeonholing other human emotions, like depression, anxiety, obsession, and fear.
   Since the 1970s, humans have experienced a deep spiritual yearning for love. This yearning is caused by the breakdown of the social structures that gave us intimate connections with friends, family, and lovers and was the norm for thousands of years. Weevolved as a species that cared for our young; protected, loved, and depended on each other; and stuck together as social and family units. The older generations cared for the children, while the middle generation worked or collected food. In the evenings,the older generations told children stories and taught them about their heritage and about life. This kind of family structure now exists only in primitive cultures, parts of the Middle East, Asia, the Mediterranean, and Third World cultures. And as more andmore people are staying single or living alone, this cultural chasm continues to widen. For a million years or more, societies have been structured to bring men and women together; today's societies, however, are driving them apart. The erosion of the basicfamily structure has led to loss of values, kids growing up without fathers, and emotional chaos.

Same Goals, Different Agendas

   Men and women have very different agendas when it comes to sex and love, and these are deeply embedded in our ancient past. In basic terms, today's men are turned on by visual images and by the signs of a woman's health, fertility, and youth, where aswomen are turned on by the markers of a man's power, status, commitment, and material resources--just as their ancestors were. In fact, nothing much has really changed for hundreds of thousands of years in terms of our sexual urges and drives. This can be anunpopular idea in a politically correct world in which it has become fashionable to say that men and women want the same things in life and have the same motivations, preferences, and urges, but as you read on, you will see that this is simply not true. Infact, deep down you know it's not. This myth is perpetuated by powerseekers such as bureaucrats, church leaders, feminist groups, and other politically motivated individuals. It may be politically correct to say that men and women think the same way and wantthe same things, but if you have had any experience living with them, working with them, or managing them, you'll know that it isn't true.

The Power of Love

   David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, is internationally recognized for his evolutionary research on human sex differences in mate selection. He and his team searched for evidence of romantic love in 147 cultures. Theydiscovered empirical proof of romantic love in cave drawings, manuscripts, poems, songs, and books. Most people see only the positive sides of love when they think about it--they imagine staring into a lover's eyes, holding hands, singing love songs, makinglove, and warm, fuzzy feelings, all the "happily-ever-after" stuff--but love also has a dark side. Buss and other researchers found e

Excerpted from Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction by Barbara Pease, Allan Pease
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