Sacred Parenting : How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls

An exploration of the spiritual dynamics of parenting.Many books have been written about how to parent a child effectively, how to become a better parent, and how effective parenting produces better kids. But Sacred Parenting---the new book by Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage---delves into an entirely different reality: how parenting affects the parent. It explores the spiritual dynamics of parenting, and why caring for children is such an effective discipline in shaping our souls and forming the character of Christ within us. Thomas doesn't tell parents how to handle a chronically sick or rebellious child, but he does help parents find spiritual meaning behind the almost heroic care such children require.Because Sacred Parenting is not a 'how to' book, it openly admits the difficulties, struggles, and failures that often accompany parenting. And it goes on to show how God uses those trying and discouraging times to build up the parents who experience them. Parents of all children will be encouraged by the examples of how other men and women have successfully handled the challenges and occasional defeats of parenting, and will be inspired by stories that reaffirm the spiritual value of being a parent.

Sacred Parenting Copyright © 2004 by Gary L. ThomasRequests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Thomas, Gary (Gary Lee) Sacred parenting : how raising children shapes our souls / Gary L. Thomas— 1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-310-24734-9 1. Parenting—Religious aspects—Christianity 2. Parents—Religious life. I. Title. BV4526.3.T46 2004 248.8'45—dc22 2003020213This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.Interior design by Michelle EspinozaPrinted in the United States of America04 05 06 07 08 09 /. DC/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1“If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor”. Anonymous“It is in families we are broken and it is in families that we are healed”. Carl Whittaker“Dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God”. 2 Corinthians 7:1Papa GodOne day, when our daughter Kelsey was two years old, she started pointing at every family member’s chair around the table. I was gone at the time. “Mommy,” she began, “Allison, Graham, Kelsey . . .” She then pointed to my empty seat and said, “God.”“That’s not God, Kelsey,” Lisa, my wife, said. “That’s Papa.”“Jesus,” Kelsey replied with a smile.Three days later, all of us were together in a hotel room when Kelsey did it again. She started pointing to everybody and announcing his or her name. When she got to me, she said, “Jesus.”“I’m not Jesus, Kelsey,” I said. “I’m Papa.”“You’re Papa God,” Kelsey replied.I was flabbergasted and earnestly tried to talk it out with her, but you parents know what a two-year-old is like. By the time I had made my point, Kelsey had found something vastly more interesting than theology—her little toe, and how it could be made to wiggle in all directions.To me, this is one of the greatest ironies of parenting. I think about how big I seemed to my kids when I was just in my twenties, and how little I knew. Now, a bit more experienced in my forties, it’s almost laughable how much smaller I seem to my children! Graham knows he could take me in a math test (though as I write this, thankfully, he still hasn’t beaten me in a round of golf), and there’s no chance either one of my daughters would mistake me for deity.But these early episodes of mistaken identity truly opened my eyes as a young parent. The more time I spent with my kids as they became toddlers, and then preteens, and then teens, the more open they seemed to God’s presence in their lives. The less time I spent with them, the less they seemed to pray. The observation both sobered and humbled me; somehow, in their minds, I helped shape their passion and hunger for God.I soon discovered that my own passion and hunger for God seemed just as directly related to my duties as a parent. I’ve been at this business of parenting for less than two decades, but I think it’s fair to say I have been stretched more in these past sixteen years— spiritually, emotionally, and relationally—than perhaps in all the previous years combined.Why does parenting offer such a potent pathway to personal growth and reflection? The process of raising children requires skills that God alone possesses, and we are decidedly not God. As much as our kids may even call us “Papa God,” parenting regularly reminds us of our absolute humanity. We do not love perfectly, as God loves. Our ability to relate, to understand, and to build intimacy comes up short in a way that God’s does not.While I count raising children as one of the most profoundly meaningful and rewarding things I’ve ever done, it also has humbled me, frustrated me, and at times completely confounded me. I could never write a book about how to raise a toddler or a teen, because in many ways I still don’t have a clue! If you thought this book would give you five steps to help your daughter succeed in school or ten steps to prepare your son for adolescence, you’re in for a big disappointment. Instead, it approaches a much different territory—how God uses these children to shape us, spiritually speaking.I knew the rules had changed just a few weeks after the birth of our oldest daughter. We were driving south to Oregon when we stopped at a restaurant to get a bite to eat. At one time in my life, my favorite food on earth was a Dairy Queen Blizzard. I just knew that the creator of this fine confection had to be a Christian, because I thought it would take nothing less than the Holy Spirit’s inspiration to come up with anything that tasted as good as an M & M Blizzard.We ordered our burgers and fries, and I had my Blizzard. We took it outside on a sunny day, and at exactly that moment our daughter had her once-every-three-day diaper blowout. Our firstborn, as a baby, liked to “save it up.” She preferred to wait until we were on our way to church, had just sat down for dinner, had just given her a bath, or some other convenient moment before she expunged the previous seventy-two hours’ worth of digestive effort.I remember the helpless feeling. Cold fries don’t taste very good, and melted Blizzards lose a lot—yet I knew I had a good ten to fifteen minutes’ worth of work ahead of me. Because this baby did it all at once, changing her meant not just a new diaper but a veritable bath and a full change of clothing. And we were on the road.“Don’t just stand there,” Lisa said. “Help me!”“But—” I looked at my fries, already wilting with a shelf life of about ten minutes. I stared forlornly at my Blizzard, teasing my tongue with its promise, yet already looking as though it were about to start boiling in the hot sun. I put the food bag on top of the car and went to work.Life had changed, indeed. It may sound like a small sacrifice to you—and even now, as I look back a decade and a half later, it seems insubstantial—but it marked a major turning point for this thentwenty- five-year-old. I was learning to put someone else’s needs ahead of my own. Little did I know that I had just begun the spiritually transformative journey called parenting.My wife and I have benefited greatly from books and seminars that teach us how to shape our children, but along the way we’ve realized that our children also have molded us. Parenting is a twoway street! Our kids have taught us how to sacrifice (chapter 12) and how to handle guilt (chapter 3); they’ve schooled us in the art of listening and forced us to our knees in prayer (chapter 4); they’ve shown us how to laugh (chapter 5), how to grieve (chapter 9), and how to live courageously (chapter 6); they’ve helped us face our inadequacy, need, and reliance on One who is greater than we are (chapter 13). The experience of parenting comprises one of the most influential aspects of spiritual formation I’ve ever known.Tiny TeachersThis idea that God can use children to teach us, that we have an opportunity to gain spiritual insight from those we are called to raise and teach, comes from our Lord himself, who in this regard was something of a revolutionary.In the first century, children enjoyed little esteem and virtually no respect. While families appreciated their own children, society merely tolerated them.

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Excerpted from Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls by Gary L. Thomas
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