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Julie A. Ross is the executive director of Parenting Horizons. She holds an MA from NYU, and has taught workshops with the Parent’s League, Parents in Action, and NYC Public Schools.
| Acknowledgments | p. ix |
| Introduction | p. xi |
| Middle-Schoolers: Hormonal, Disorganized, and Defiant: "You Never Listen to me Anymore. I Hate My Life!" | p. 1 |
| Hairy and Horrible Hormones | p. 2 |
| Metamorphosis | p. 5 |
| The Long View of Parenting | p. 6 |
| The Relationship Approach | p. 7 |
| Listening with Heart | p. 14 |
| Love Tickets | p. 19 |
| Can You Really Love a Porcupine? | p. 21 |
| The Overwhelmed "Slacker": "You Have no Idea How Much Stress I'm Under!" | p. 23 |
| A Vicious Cycle | p. 24 |
| Handling Your Own Feelings | p. 25 |
| Helping the Overwhelmed Slacker | p. 31 |
| How to Break the Nagging Cycle and Turn Responsibility Over to Your Middle Schooler: "Ok, I Get it! I'm Not A Baby Anymore." | p. 41 |
| Feelings Run Deep | p. 42 |
| Natural Consequences | p. 43 |
| The Sandwich Technique | p. 44 |
| Exhibiting Trust | p. 50 |
| The Trust Contract | p. 51 |
| How'd They Do? | p. 56 |
| Peer Pressure and Changing Values: "But Everyone In My Grade Is Doing It!" | p. 61 |
| Aren't These Choices Confined to High School? | p. 62 |
| The Skill of "Tell Me More" | p. 63 |
| "Sandwiching" to Get Your Values Across | p. 66 |
| Respecting Your Preteen's Changing Biology | p. 68 |
| What Are Family Meetings? | p. 69 |
| Dealing with Defiance: "I'm Going Into My Room, and I'm Never Coming Out!" | p. 77 |
| Forgive Yourself | p. 78 |
| Understanding Your Middle Schooler's Behavior | p. 79 |
| Communication Blocks | p. 84 |
| The Dance of Defiance | p. 86 |
| A Proactive Approach: Don't Dance to Begin With | p. 90 |
| So, Now What? Applying What We've Learned | p. 90 |
| The Computer "Addiction": "Just Let Me Finish This 'Level,' OK?" | p. 97 |
| Computer Addiction: Reality or Myth? | p. 98 |
| Staying Informed | p. 99 |
| Keeping Our Kids Safe | p. 102 |
| Computer Use and Personal Safety | p. 107 |
| Trust Your Instincts | p. 109 |
| The Communication Component | p. 110 |
| Information We Need to Present | p. 113 |
| The Two Most Powerful Tools | p. 114 |
| Encouraging Self-Esteem and Independence: "I Can't Do It. I Want You To Help Me!" | p. 115 |
| What Is Courage? | p. 117 |
| The Components of Self-Esteem | p. 117 |
| Developmental Readiness | p. 122 |
| Calling Forth Independence | p. 124 |
| What Happens When the Fear Is Reasonable? | p. 130 |
| The Push for Independence: "I'm Going Out. See Ya Later!" | p. 139 |
| Self-Esteem Versus Hubris | p. 140 |
| Protection Versus Overprotection | p. 140 |
| Communicating Without Discouraging | p. 143 |
| The Value of Planting Seeds | p. 146 |
| Setting Limits Without Robbing Our Children of Courage | p. 148 |
| Talking About Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol: "Why Are We Talking About This? I Mean, Really, I Just Ate!" | p. 153 |
| Our Children Already Know a Lot | p. 154 |
| Can't I Get My Spouse to Tell the Kids? | p. 155 |
| Irony, Thy Name Is Sex | p. 156 |
| Handling Your Embarrassment | p. 157 |
| How to Begin | p. 158 |
| What Information Do We Need to Impart? | p. 161 |
| Using Family Meetings to Talk About Sex | p. 165 |
| How Isabelle Talked to Mitchell About the Condom | p. 167 |
| Educating or Condoning? | p. 170 |
| And What About Drugs and Alcohol? | p. 171 |
| Sibling Rivalry: A New Level of Competition: "I Hate Her. She's The Worst Sister In The Whole World!" | p. 173 |
| The Changing Relationship | p. 175 |
| The Love Scoreboard: Your Role in the Chaos | p. 176 |
| Using Different Techniques for Different Arguments | p. 183 |
| Proactive Parenting | p. 185 |
| One Final Technique: Love Tickets | p. 191 |
| How a Relationship Approach Affects Life After Middle School: "I'm So Lucky That You're My Mom." | p. 193 |
| The Enjoyable Aspects of Middle Schoolers | p. 195 |
| Focusing on the Positive | p. 196 |
| Is It Worth It? | p. 196 |
| Relationship Equals Influence | p. 199 |
| My Hope for You | p. 200 |
| References | p. 203 |
| Index | p. 207 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |
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