Addiction to Love Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships

by Peabody, Susan

• ISBN13: 9781587612398
• ISBN10: 1587612399
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-03-01
• Publisher: Celestial Arts

Summary

Love addiction manifests in many forms, fromFatal Attraction-type obsessive lust to less extreme but nonetheless psychologically and emotionally harmful forms. The most common of these is staying in a bad relationship because of a fear of being alone-the "I hate you but don'?t leave me" relationship. In ADDICTION TO LOVE, recovering love addict Susan Peabody explains the variety of ways this disorder plays out, from the obsessively doting love addict to the addict who can'?t disentangle from an unfulfilling, dead-end relationship. Peabody provides an in-depth and easy-to-follow recovery program for those suffering from this unhealthy and often dangerous addiction and explains how to create a loving, safe, and fulfilling relationship.A seminal work on unhealthy and obsessive behaviors in love, and how to change behavior to have a positive relationship. This third edition includes a new introduction and revisions to the text throughout.Some symptoms of love addiction include love at first sight, excessive fantasizing, abnormal jealousy, nagging, and accepting dishonesty.Even relationships with parents, children, siblings, or friends may be addictive-dependency is not always related to romantic love.Previous editions have sold more than 40,000 copies."Love addiction is a three-headed serpent that Susan Peabody adeptly slays. This is the quintessential book for any love addict or counselor needing to fully understand this highly prevalent and complex disorder. Susan detects and dissects aspects of this condition not comprehended in other books of its kind. Recovery is possible. This book makes it possible to take the succinct steps necessary toward a loving and reciprocal long-term intimate relationship."-Sudi Scull, M.F.T., C.N., psychotherapist and nutritionist

Author Biography

SUSAN PEABODY is an experienced speaker, workshop leader, and author. She has helped thousands of people overcome love addiction. She lives in Berkeley, California.

Table of Contents

PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION	viii
PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION	xii
INTRODUCTION	xv
I. LOOKING FOR LOVE
The Hungry Heart	3	(8)
II. THE MANY FORMS OF ADDICTION TO LOVE
Fatal Attraction, Casanova, and Stand By Your Man	11	(2)
Addictions to Parents, Children, Siblings, or Friends	13	(1)
Two-way Addictions	14	(1)
Obsessing About an Unavailable Person	15	(2)
Becoming Dependent on an Abusive Partner	17	(4)
Dual and Subsidiary Addictions	21	(2)
Obsessions That Go Underground	23	(1)
Hurting Others	24	(1)
Crimes of the Heart	25	(6)
III. CONTRIBUTING FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE POTENTIAL LOVE ADDICTS
Contributing Factors	31	(1)
Love Songs and Myths About Romantic Love	31	(2)
Role Structuring	33	(1)
Inadequate Role Models	34	(3)
IV. SYMPTOMS OF ADDICTION TO LOVE AND SUGGESTIONS FOR CHANGE
Love at First Sight	37	(1)
Excessive Fantasizing	38	(2)
The Need to Create Drama and Excitement	40	(3)
Exaggerated Fears in Relationships	43	(2)
Abnormal Jealousy	45	(1)
Dysfunctional Emotions	46	(3)
Weak Personality Boundaries	49	(1)
High Level of Tolerance for Suffering in Relationships	50	(1)
Accepting Dishonesty	51	(3)
Being Ruled By Your Libido	54	(1)
Confusing Need with Want	55	(1)
The Compelling Need to Control	55	(1)
Image Management	56	(2)
Nagging	58	(1)
Being Helpless	59	(1)
Projecting Guilt	60	(1)
Stimulating Jealousy	60	(1)
Flattery	61	(1)
The Silent Treatment	62	(1)
Sex	62	(1)
Negative Caretaking	63	(3)
An Attack of Hysteria or Rage	66	(5)
V. THE PROGRESSION OF ADDICTION TO LOVE
Contributing Factors	71	(1)
Beginning Stage	71	(1)
Chronic State	72	(1)
Dying for Love	72	(1)
Typical Progression	72	(11)
VI. RECOVERY
Courageously Facing Your Own Shortcomings	83	(2)
Making Changes	85	(2)
Progress Not Perfection	87	(3)
Therapy and Support Groups Really Do Help	90	(3)
Healing the Wounds of Childhood Trauma	93	(6)
The Eternal Child Within	99	(3)
Building Self-Esteem	102	(4)
Spirituality and Recovery	106	(8)
Christian Ideals	114	(4)
Can an Addictive Relationship be Saved?	118	(1)
Ending a Relationship When It Is Necessary	119	(4)
Being Single	123	(4)
VII. STARTING OVER AGAIN
Personality Types That Trigger Addictive Behavior	127	(1)
The Love Addict	128	(1)
The Narcissist	129	(1)
The Fear of Intimacy Underlying the Yearning to be Loved	129	(3)
Hidden Signals	132	(8)
Picking Up the Signals	140	(3)
VIII. CREATING LOVING AND FULFILLING RELATIONSHIPS
The Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship	143	(3)
The Progression of a Healthy Relationship	146	(9)
APPENDICES
Worksheet #1-Am I a Love Addict?	155	(3)
Worksheet #2-An Inventory of My Unhealthy Relationships	158	(4)
Worksheet #3-Am I Ready for a Healthy Relationship?	162	(3)
Worksheet #4-Do I Have a Healthy Relationship?	165	(2)
A Summary of the Addiction Process	167	(4)
Inner-Child Meditation	171	(4)
The 12 Steps to Recovery	175	(6)
Support Group Meeting Format	181	(4)
Suggested Reading	185