All You Need Is Love And Other Lies About Marriage

by Jacobs, John W.

• ISBN13: 9780060509316
• ISBN10: 0060509317
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-02-09
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

Why is it so difficult to remain married in the twenty-first century, and what can you do about it? We all know that half of today's marriages end in divorce, but we tend to believe that our own marriages are safe. As psychiatrist John Jacobs explains in this fresh and impassioned book, marriages today are incredibly fragile, and unless a couple understands what is making contemporary marriage so vulnerable to dissolution, the marriage is at risk. Part of the problem is that people refuse to see how social and historical forces have changed the very meaning of marriage, causing serious interpersonal unhappiness. Because of increased longevity, married people live together longer than at any time in history. There's been an erosion of the social and cultural forces that traditionally kept marriages together. Confusion over gender-role responsibilities, increased expectations of sexual satisfaction, and intense time pressures on couples to work and be successful all create marital stress. And yet, most people don't acknowledge the problems in their marriage until it is too late. We tend to believe in the "lies of marriage" -- such concepts as soul mates, unconditional love, that children improve a relationship, that the sexual revolution has made marital sex more pleasurable, or that egalitarian marriage offers couples easy solutions -- and forget to engage in the constant hardwork required to keep our marriages alive. Dr. Jacobs believes that most marriages have significant problems at some time, but until we recognize the new realities of marriage and develop the skills required to sustain a loving, intimate relationship, marriages are at risk. Of course marriage is about love. But that's just the beginning.

Table of Contents

Preface	ix
Acknowledgments	xxi
INTRODUCTION The Truth About Marriage Today: Exploring the Seven Lies	1	(22)
CHAPTER 1	23	(22)
Lie: All You Need Is Love
Truth: Marital Love Is Conditional-Love Is Not Enough for Successful Marriage
CHAPTER 2	45	(28)
Lie: I Talk All the Time; My Spouse Just Doesn't Listen
Truth: Good Communication Is Much More Than Honest Speech
CHAPTER 3	73	(36)
Lie: People Don't Really Change
Truth: Change Is Always Possible, and Little Changes Produce Big Results
CHAPTER 4	109	(22)
Lie: When You Marry, You Create Your Own Family Legacy
Truth: You Bring Your Family into Your Marriage No Matter How Hard You Fight to Keep It Out
CHAPTER 5	131	(35)
Lie: Egalitarian Marriage Is Easier Than Traditional Marriage
Truth: Negotiation in Egalitarian Marriage Is Often More Difficult
CHAPTER 6	166	(35)
Lie: Children Solidify a Marriage
Truth: Your Children Are a Serious Threat to Your Marriage
CHAPTER 7	201	(30)
Lie: The Sexual Revolution Has Made Great Sex Easier Than Ever
Truth: A Media Circus Is in Bed with You, and It's Sabotaging Your Marriage
Afterword Real Marriage for Real People	231	(8)
Endnotes	239	(5)
Index	244