Arousal The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

by Bader, Michael J.

• ISBN13: 9780312302429
• ISBN10: 0312302428
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-01-18
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

Summary

In this fascinating and provocative book, Dr. Michael Bader offers a groundbreaking new theory of sexual desire that will liberate men and women and enable them to better understand their sexual preferences. Drawing on his twenty-five years as a psychotherapist and psycho-analyst, Dr. Bader demonstrates that rather than being influenced by biology or society, sexual fantasies and preferences are really psychological antidotes to unconscious dangers. Armed with this novel theory, men and women will no longer need to feel ashamed about what arouses them nor will they beconfused about what arouses others. Arousal is for anyone curious about the roots of sexuality.

Author Biography

Dr. Michael J. Bader has more than two decades of experience as a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, educator, and social critic. He is a frequent contributor to mainstream psychoanalytic criticism, and his series of highly acclaimed articles for Tikkun magazine has been instrumental in bridging the gap between psychology and popular culture. He lives in San Francisco.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	ix
Introduction	1	(16)
How Sex Works	17	(33)
Safety: The Rosetta Stone of Psychological Life
Guilt, Worry, and Inhibition
Guilt, Ruthlessness, and Sexual Excitement
Shame, Helplessness, and Sexual Excitement
Identification, Transference, and Sexual Excitement
Solving the Problems of Identification and Transference with Sexual Fantasies
Overlapping Fantasies
Sexual Fantasies as Antidotes to Guilt and Worry	50	(30)
A Rape Fantasy: The Case of Jan
Tops and Bottoms: The Case of Manny
Tied Up in Knots: The Case of Robert
The ``Mommy Thing'': The Case of Matt
Fetishism and Sexual Arousal
Voyeurism: The Case of Bob
Born to Lose: Sexual Fantasies as Antidotes to Shame and Rejection	80	(35)
Letting It All Hang Out: The Story of Esther
Identification and the Problems of Sexual Arousal
The Man on the Bottom: The Case of Glenn
Otto and His Fixation on Youth
Seducing the Powerful: The Case of Amanda
Safety and the Sexualization of Abuse
From the Conventional to the Bizarre: Interpreting Sexual Fantasies	115	(27)
Sadomasochistic Fantasies
Masochism and Sexual Arousal
Golden or Brown Showers
Men Wearing Women's Panties
Diapered and Treated like a Baby
Asphyxiation Fantasies
Dominance and Sexual Arousal
Rape Fantasies
Master/Slave Relationships
Incest Fantasies
Multiple Partners
Gang Rape
Voyeurism: The Peeping Tom
Exhibitionism: Photographing and Videotaping Sex
Body Types and Sexual Arousal
Gay Men and Sexual Arousal in Heterosexual Women
Sexual Pleasure and Boredom in Relationships	142	(38)
The Natural Decline of Sexual Interest
Intimacy and Sexual Ruthlessness
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Pathogenic Beliefs and Sexual Compatibility
``The Good'': The Case of Mark and Betsy
``The Bad'': The Case of Jim and Laura
``The Ugly'': The Case of Rob and Nicole
The Problem of the ``Good Wife''
The Role of Sexual Fantasies in Psychotherapy	180	(38)
Shame, Self-Acceptance, and Sexual Fantasies in Psychotherapy
The Role of Pathogenic Beliefs in Psychotherapy
Safety, Testing, and Change in Psychotherapy
Mechanisms of Change in Psychotherapy
Sexual Fantasies Are Difficult to Change
The Social Meaning of Sexual Fantasies	218	(40)
Blaming the Parents and the Abuse Excuse
Gender Differences in Sexual Fantasy
``Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am''---the Psychology of Objectification
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?---Pathogenic Beliefs and the Idealization of Romantic Love in Women
The Personal Finally Meets the Political
Conclusion: The Future of Sex: Final Reflections, Unanswered Questions	258	(29)
Private Fantasies and Sexual Behavior
Cybersex: An Adaptive Illusion or Dangerous Addiction?
Will There Be Sexual Fantasies After the Revolution?
The Value of Understanding Sexual Fantasies
The Emperor's New Clothes and the Meaning of Sexual Fantasy
References	287	(2)
Index	289