Becoming Soul Mates : Cultivating Spiritual Intimacy in the Early Years of Marriage

by Les and Leslie Parrott

• ISBN13: 9780310219262
• ISBN10: 0310219264
• Format: Nonspecific Binding
• Copyright: 1997-10-01
• Publisher: Harpercollins Christian Pub

Summary

This book helps new couples cultivate a strong spiritual union with 52 devotions from two authorities on marriage enrichment.

Table of Contents

Contents

Why Daily Devotions for Couples Often Fail

Session 1: Living Happily Ever After

Session 2: Double Your Serve

Session 3: All for a Bar of Soap

Session 4: Lighten Up

Session 5: Your Money Matters

Session 6: In the Beginning ... God Created Sex!

Session 7: Caring Enough to Commit

Session 8: Turning “Me” to “We”

Session 9: What a Difference a Temperament Makes!

Session 10: If You Bugged Yourself, What Would You Hear?

Session 11: Sloppy Agape

Session 12: It’s My Marriage and I’ll Cry If I Want To

Session 13: Rapunzel’s Love Lesson

Session 14: Listening with the Third Ear

Session 15: Is Prayer Your Steering Wheel or Your Spare Tire?

Session 16: The Deadly Emotion of Anger

Session 17: The Extra Mile in Marriage

Session 18: Help for the Romantically Impaired

Session 19: Our Longing for Belonging

Session 20: The Church: A Greenhouse for Growing Soul Mates

Session 21: Names Can Never Hurt Me—Or Can They?

Session 22: Love Means Having to Eat Humble Pie

Session 23: When Stress Strikes Your Marriage

Session 24: Desperately Seeking Scripture

Session 25: Help! We Need Somebody!

Session 26: Fighting the Good Fight

Session 27: A Kiss on the Lips

Session 28: How Iron Sharpens Iron

Session 29: The Importance of Saying “I Love You”

Session 30: In Sickness and in Health

Session 31: The Power of Love in Action

Session 32: Avoiding the Blame Game

Session 33: You’re Not the Boss of Me!

Session 34: Sex, Sex, Sex ... Enough Already!

Session 35: Pay Now, Play Later

Session 36: How to Be a Wise Guy (and Gal)

Session 37: The Role of Optimism in Marriage

Session 38: The Value of Tender Touch

Session 39: No One Needs to Be a Fool

Session 40: Having the Tithe of Your Life

Session 41: Avoiding the Number-One Marriage Problem

Session 42: The Attitude of Gratitude

Session 43: Who’s in Charge Here?

Session 44: God’s Perfect Love

Session 45: The Guilt-Free Drop

Session 46: Stop Stewing and Start Doing

Session 47: Sinking Your Roots Down Deep

Session 48: Do You Dream What I Dream?

Session 49: A Little Heaven on Earth

Session 50: A Mile in Marriage Moccasins

Session 51: The Question That Could Change Your Marriage

Session 52: Soul to Soul Forever and Ever

Excerpts

Introduction
Why Daily Devotions for Couples Often Fail
“It’s my turn to read first!” Leslie hollered from the shower.
“No way! You read first last night,” I shouted back.
“Pleeeease. Let me read the Old Testament passage first,” said Leslie.
For about a week and a half—or up to the eighth chapter of Genesis, whichever came first—this exchange became routine for us. Each night we sparred with each other over who would read the Bible first during our devotional time. We had set our sights on reading the Bible clear through as a -couple, and each night before we went to sleep we would take turns reading a passage from the Old Testament and then one from the New.
But after a few evenings, the focus of our lofty spiritual quest was more about sleep than Scripture. We fought over who got to read first, not because of our spiritual passion, but because that person could doze or even fall asleep while the other was reading his or her passage!
Spending a systematic, meaningful quiet time with each other, reading God’s Word and praying, has never come easy for us. We have tried setting aside time in the morning. And we have tried it in the evening. Time seems to make little difference. We could never stick to it and our times were never what we hoped for. Worst of all, the problem made us feel guilty. If we were good Christians, with God at the center of our marriage, wouldn’t setting aside time to cultivate spiritual intimacy be something that would come easy?
Not hardly.
We know and admire couples who open their Bibles together after breakfast, read a passage, share their secrets, and kneel to pray. But that never seemed to be our style. We wake up at different times on different days. We don’t have the same routine every day. And, to be honest, we need an activity that doesn’t seem like a duty that hangs over our heads.
Still, we have a restless aching, each of us, not just to know God individually, but to experience God as a couple. But how? How do we really allow God to fill the soul of our marriage?
Our Spiritual Quest
When researchers examined the characteristics of couples who had been married for more than two decades and were fulfilled, one of the most important qualities they found was “faith in God and spiritual commitment.” We never needed scientists to tell us that spiritual meaning was important to our marriage. We knew it from the start. Marriage is not a superficial bonding, a mere machine that needs routine maintenance to keep it functioning. Marriage for us is founded upon a mutual exchange of holy pledges. It is ultimately a deep, mysterious, and unfathomable spiritual endeavor.
Several years ago we started a program for engaged and newly married couples that eventually became a book and video package called Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Thousands of couples have gone through this program and for a number of years now we have formally and informally surveyed and interviewed many of them. In addition, we have interviewed many churchgoing couples who have been married for years. We wanted to learn how successful couples tend the soul of marriage.
So we asked Christian couples to measure just how important spiritual intimacy in marriage is to them, often on a ten-point scale. And the answer was almost always the same: very important. Nearly every couple said they place a high value on spiritual intimacy.
But when we asked these same couples how satisfied they were with the current level of spiritual intimacy in their marriage, their answers again became predictable: not very satisfied. “We agree on tithing and stuff,” one woman confided, “but we don’t have any deep or meaningful conversations about spiritual matters.” A husband told us, “I feel so uncomfortable praying with my wife. I mean she sees me seven days a week, she knows how I live!”
So, for some time now, we have been on a quest to find a means to spiritual intimacy in marriage that works—for us and the couples in our program. This book is the result. We believe it provides the tools for you and your partner to have a consistent and meaningful time together that is both enjoyable and spiritually enriching.
Using This Book for All Its Worth
The key to making Becoming Soul Mates work for you is its flexibility. There is no one right way of using it. Think of this book as a resource you mold and fit to your personal style.
Since we found that a weekly approach works best for most couples, the book provides fifty-two sessions. You may have your own personal quiet time each day, but meeting once a week as a couple is critical to becoming soul mates. Once you establish a pattern (each Sunday evening, for example), you will find that these sessions become a spiritual refueling station for the soul of your marriage.
Here’s how each session is organized:
Opening Thought
Each session begins with a brief devotional thought on a marriage-relevant topic. These openings contain references to Scripture that can be studied more in depth if you desire. You may also want to use these references for your individual study throughout the week. You may wish to read the opening devotional thought separately on your own, but we believe most couples will benefit from reading the passage aloud together.
From God’s Word
The opening thought is followed by a passage of Scripture from the New International Version of the Bible that relates to the same topic. It is printed in the book to allow easy accessibility, but you may also want to read it in your own Bible to compare translations or to provide a fuller context. Either way, one of you can read the passage out loud.
Your Turn
Material for a brief time of discussion follows the Scripture reading. Several questions and suggestions encourage you to share relevant examples from your own lives. These questions and discussion starters are not meant to be completed in a hurry. The point is not to have your quiet time “checked off” your to-do list. If you are short on time, just select one or two of the questions. Don’t feel that you need to answer every one every time.

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Excerpted from Becoming Soul Mates: Cultivating Spiritual Intimacy in the Early Years of Marriage by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.