Before Saying "I Do"

by Batshaw, Michael

• ISBN13: 9781596528154
• ISBN10: 159652815X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2011-04-22
• Publisher: Turner Pub Co

Summary

Have you found ¿the One¿? The decision to get engaged is one of the most exciting and important decisions you will ever make. Before Saying "I Do": The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage offers the insights and techniques necessary for a successful engagement and marriage. Psychotherapist Michael Batshaw gives you the tools to decide whether your partner is the right one for you, and if so, how to keep it that way. Some of his advice: ¿ Beware the person of your dreams. ¿ Couples who do everything together do not have a relationship that can survive. ¿ Couples who do not argue are in trouble. ¿ Hollywood gets it wrong. ¿ The truth of the moment is not the whole truth.

Author Biography

Michael Batshaw is a psychotherapist with a private practice in New York City He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with honors in philosophy, completed his masters of science in social work at Columbia University, and did his postgraduate training at the Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy. Mr. Batshaw is on the faculty of the New Triad Foundation for Collaborative Arts and the New York Open Center and writes an engagement blog for psychologytoday.com. He lives with his wife and two children in Manhattan

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. 1
One hardly ever hears, ôI wish I had gotten engaged earlierö	p. 9
Hollywood gets it wrong	p. 13
Beware of the person of your dreams	p. 17
If you put your partner on a pedestal, take him off	p. 21
If you find yourself on a pedestal, get off	p. 25
Great sex will not save a mediocre relationship	p. 29
Mediocre sex can become great sex with patience and determination	p. 33
You have to know your own flaws, imperfections, and weaknesses. Admit them to yourself and your partner	p. 37
What is your partner's true character? These qualities are not likely to change much in the future	p. 41
Get to know your partner's relationship history and patterns	p. 45
Look carefully at how your partner takes care of himself	p. 49
Daily living habits may be more important than you realize	p. 53
You must respect what your partner does for a living	p. 57
If you think that she will change her mind in time, be careful	p. 63
Don't wait forever for progress in the relationship on issues that are important to you	p. 67
If you have sexual issues that are not going away, a little help can make all the difference	p. 71
Patience is a virtue. No, really, it is	p. 75
How do you feel about family and children?	p. 79
Be open to discussing your family's problems-you've probably inherited some of them anyway	p. 83
You're going to have to deal with your future in-laws whether you love them or not	p. 87
Religion is not unimportant	p. 91
Marriage is also a business. Money is a real issue	p. 95
We are not created equal. Be aware of your differences	p. 99
Get off your high horse	p. 103
If you really knew me, you would never hurt me	p. 107
Talk about the little issues or they will grow into big issues	p. 111
Don't express every random thought that you have in your head about your partner	p. 115
Couples who don't argue are in trouble	p. 119
The more you yell, the less you will be heard	p. 125
Don't compare your partner to someone you both dislike	p. 131
The best couples argue forcefully but with empathy and respect	p. 135
Never say ôyou neverö or ôyou alwaysö	p. 139
Real people will fall short of your expectations over and over again	p. 143
Apologies are golden, but make them real	p. 147
Apologies are incomplete without a change in behavior	p. 151
Everyone doubts at one time or another whether his partner is ôthe oneö	p. 155
Everyone goes through dark times in a relationship	p. 159
It's normal to feel attracted to someone who's not your partner	p. 163
Attracted to another person? Don't put yourself in harm's way	p. 167
The truth of the moment is not the whole truth	p. 171
Marriage doesn't have magical powers to make problems go away	p. 177
Don't think that having children is going to make it better	p. 183
Your relationship should not be your only passion in life	p. 187
Cultivate your friendships	p. 191
Couples who share activities are closer	p. 197
Couples who do everything together cannot survive	p. 201
Be careful not to control or to be controlled in your Relationship	p. 205
Practice, practice, practice	p. 209
Connect to your partner in a physical (but nonsexual) way every day	p. 213
Express frequent gratitude about what you like and love about your partner	p. 217
The Golden Rule	p. 221
Relationship 101 Quiz	p. 225
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