Punk'd And Skunked

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Chapter One

"Dudes, here's a spelling lesson," I told my friends. "How do you spell excitement?"

Belzer scratched his head. "Does it start with an X?"

I patted him on the back. "Nice try."

Belzer grinned his lopsided grin. "It was a lucky guess," he said.

"Yo, Belzer," Feenman said. "Do big noses run in your family?"

"I've heard that joke," Belzer said.

Feenman grinned. "Who's joking?"

"Give it a rest," I said. I pulled Feenman, Crench, Belzer, Nosebleed, and Billy the Brain into the Common Room. "This is how you spell excitement," I said.

"B-E-R-N-I-E."

That's me, see. I'm Bernie Bridges. Some people call me Grandmaster Dude, King of All the Fourth Graders. But I'd never say anything like that. I'm waaay too modest.

But when I have news, I have NEWS. That's why I dragged all my guys into the Common Room. It's a big room with couches and chairs, a TV, and a game table. It's like our living room.

You probably go home every day after school. But Rotten School is a boarding school. That means we live here, in a dorm. It's actually a falling down, old house called Rotten House. It's the best dorm on campus—mainly because Bernie B. lives here.

Oops. There I go, being modest again!

My friend Beast was chewing a couch cushion. It took three guys to pull him away.

Beast is a good guy. But we're not sure if he's really human. He's too hairy to be a human. And last week he got caught chewing his initials into a tree trunk.

I like him. But I keep my fingers away from his mouth.

I stood at the head of the game table. "Dudes, I know you're wondering why I invited you here," I said.

Crench rolled his eyes. "Bernie, we know why," he said. "You want to have a poker game tonight. But we can't."

"We're broke," Feenman said. "You already took all our money. I swear!"

I made a spitting sound. "Forget poker games," I said. "That's small potatoes. I've got something BIG. Something exciting with a capital X!"

Now I had their attention. I pulled open my school blazer so they could see my T-shirt.

They all stared at it. Belzer sounded out the letters.

"Bernie, what's your problem?" Nosebleed asked. "Why does that say PPP on it?"

Beast tossed his head back and hee-hawed. "P-P-P. Get it? Get it?"

Crench tugged the front of my shirt. "If you have to go pee-pee, why wear a shirt about it?"

I pushed his hands away. "Crench, what did I tell you about trying to make a joke?

Do you want to strain your brain for life?"

"Well, what does PPP stand for?" Billy the Brain asked.

Yes! I even stumped the class brainiac!

"I'll tell you," I said.

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Excerpted from Punk'D and Skunked by R. L. Stine
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