Clabbernappers

Chapter One

The Mumpokers

POP!

A dart flashed in the sunlight and popped a red balloon. The young cowboy raised his fists in the air. His sparkling blue eyes squinted as he laughed and let out a shout. The boys and girls in line behind him hooted and hollered, the passersby at the Cherokee County Fair Grounds looking over with questioning glances.

“Seven balloons in a row!” said the proprietor behind the counter. “That ain't never been done---not while I been here!”

“What's my prize?” asked the cowboy, his red-and-yellow-striped shirtsleeves crossing. “Can I have that there stuffed red lizard?”

“Nope. That's a grand prize,” said the man, shaking his head. He wore a Harley-Davidson vest and black T-shirt, and black gloves with the fingers cut off. “You gotta to pop ten balloons in a row.”

“Gimme some more darts!” said the cowboy, reaching in his pocket and putting down his last quarter.

“I'll bet you can do it!” chuckled the man, handing him three more darts. His gray eyes fastened on the cowboy's large ornate belt buckle, which sparkled in the sunlight. “Champion calf roper, are you?”

“Bull rider!” said the cowboy proudly, pointing out the figure of a man on the back of a bucking, twirling bull. “But I'm still pretty good with a rope.”

“Bet you are!” The man twirled his black beard around his finger. “I'll bet you could do darn near anything you set your mind to. What's your name, cowboy?”

“Danny Ray,” he replied, fixing his stance and raising one of the darts.

But then the proprietor leaned over the counter and lowered his voice. “I got something a lot more exciting than that there red lizard.” He motioned with his head to the side. “Yonder's a door you could walk through if you had a mind to it.”

Danny Ray's blue eyes opened wide. His dart wavered, then lowered to the counter. Sure enough, there stood an open doorway with lightning flashing over its surface. Over the top was written this word: adventure.

“I ain't offered that to no one else before,” said the proprietor.

Danny Ray glanced at the red lizard and then back to the doorway and asked, “What kind of ride is that? Looks mighty dangerous, with that lightning and all.”

“Aw, that's just for show,” the man said, waving his hand. “Of course, who knows what adventure's on the other side? Could be way too dangerous---even for a sharp young feller like you.”

The cowboy licked the corner of his mouth and tasted a trace of cotton candy. He'd never met up with a challenge that he couldn't tackle.

“Just walk through that doorway, huh?” he asked.

“Yup,” said the man. “Look. I'll send along a friend with you, a dazzling feller, to help you out of real hard scrapes, OK?”

Danny Ray looked around. “Where's he at?”

“You'll know ‘im when you see ‘im.”

“Hmmm.” Danny Ray hitched up his pants. They didn't really need hitching up, but it was a clear signal that he was considering undertaking an undertaking.

The proprietor ushered him around the counter and stood him in front of the doorway. Its shiny surface undulated like water. Now and then a bolt of lightning streaked across its surface.

“Hmmm,” said the cowboy again.

He glanced back at the man, framed by the colorful hustle and bustle of the fair: flapping flags atop canopies, whirling whirligig rides against the backdrop of a pale blue sky, and the slow, ponderous turning of an immense white Ferris wheel.

“Guess I won't be needin' that lizard after all,” said the cowboy.

“Here's your money back,” the man said, handing him the quarter.

Danny Ray touched the rim of his hat in a polite gesture and then stepped through the doorway.

“Yeeeeee-hah!” yelled the cowboy as his feet went out from under him. He hung on to his hat as he fell into a lightning storm. Upside down he turned, or else his down side up was turned up side around, flopped over, and spun back down around again. It was like riding the fiercest, wildest bull ever, or else straddling the dark demon of a tornado. His leather chaps flapped wildly in the wind, and his spurs spun and sang! The wind blew his cheeks open as he dropped down into pitch blackness, like the open drain in a big bathtub.

The wind stopped.

The darkness lightened and Danny Ray felt the bottom of his boots come to rest against something solid. He found that he could stand, but he had to shield his eyes against a sudden bright light.

“Where the heck am I?” he muttered.

A high rock wall and an ornate gate materialized, while the magic doorway was nowhere to be seen. Nearby stood a line of statues of huge winged monsters, sparkling pink and red, each fashioned from a single gem. They lined a white-brick walkway leading to a vast palace in the distance, shining with crystal battlements.

“Wow!” he exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips. He felt something on his belt---a shiny, bright blue coil of rope. Mysteriously, his rapidly beating heart was calmed as he stroked the smoothness of it. So---this was his dazzling companion!

Something circled overhead, a tiny dragon no bigger than a sparrow, the same light blue color as the sky. It peered down upon him with red-jeweled eyes, and then shot away toward the palace.

Danny Ray saw a black centipede winding its way from the palace through the garden and along the walkway. As it got closer, the cowboy heard voices and could make out that the centipede was actually a line of small soldiers about two feet tall. Each of them was armored and helmeted in black and carrying a long black lance tipped with sharp claws.

Shoot! Where could he hide? Behind him, towering above the wall and the trees beyond, a mountain range reached up to a terrible height. Danny Ray pushed against the gate's thick black bars, but it wouldn't budge.

“Some help you are!” he muttered, looking down at his rope.

Too late! They hustled quickly to surround him, lowering their sharp lances to almost touch him. The cowboy felt like the hub in the middle of a wagon wheel.

“Who the heck are you guys?” asked Danny Ray.

One of them stepped forward---presumably their captain, since he was wearing a badge. “We are the mumpokers!” he croaked. “The palace guards!” His glittering yellow eyes peered out from a kettle-like helmet pulled too far down on his brow. “We're taking you to stand before His Majesty King Krystal himself! Get going! No tricks!”

As they marched the cowboy toward the palace, now and then prodding him along with the points of their lances, the mumpokers chanted this song:

“Mum's the word!

Mum's the word!

Poke the parrot

And singing bird!

Hush the jabbering

That we overheard!

Shut your mouth

And mum's the word!

Mum's the word!

Mum's the word!

Kick the dog

And cat that purred!

Spank the ape

That yawned and stirred!

Mind your tongue

And mum's the word!”

Off to the side Danny Ray saw an avenue bordered by a row of black skyscrapers on one side and a row of white ones on the other. But wait! They weren't buildings---they were chess pieces!

“Wow!” muttered Danny Ray. “That's the largest chess set I've ever seen---ouch!” Danny Ray felt a jolt of pain as one of the mumpokers jabbed him in the rear end with his lance.

“Quiet!” said the captain, leveling a black-gloved finger at the cowboy. “Get marching!”

They arrived at the palace, and its immense pearl-white doors opened. As Danny Ray was poked for the one hundredth time and he yelled “Ouch!” for the one hundredth time, it came to him that a red lizard didn't seem so bad a prize after all.

Copyright © 2005 by Len Bailey