Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies

by Elliott, Charles H.; Smith, Laura L.

• ISBN13: 9781119714309
• ISBN10: 1119714303
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2020-11-10
• Publisher: For Dummies

Summary

Get to know the ins and outs of BPD—and make the choice to change!

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an extremely serious—and often seriously neglected—condition. Despite around 4 million diagnoses in the USA, BPD has attracted lower funding and levels of clinical concern than more "popular" conditions such as bipolar disorder. But there's no need to lose hope! Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies, 2nd Edition was written to bridge this gap and help sufferers learn how to break the cycle to lead a full and happy life.

BPD impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others and can cause long-term patterns of disruptive relationships and difficulties with self-control. It often results from childhood abuse or neglect, as well as from genetic or brain abnormalities—particularly in areas of the brain that regulate emotion, impulsivity, and aggression. Knowing how it works means we know how to manage it, and Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies—written in a friendly, easy-to-follow style by two leading clinical psychologists—is packed with useful techniques to do just that: from identifying triggers to finding the right care provider.

• Get a compassionate, actionable understanding of the symptoms and history of BPD
• Acquire techniques to identify and halt damaging behaviors
• Evaluate providers and the latest therapies and treatments
• Set goals and habits to overcome problems step-by-step

BPD should never be allowed to dictate anyone's existence. This reference gives you the tools to take your life back and is a must-have for sufferers and their loved ones alike.

Author Biography

Charles H. Elliott, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus, Fielding Graduate University. Laura L. Smith, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and Past-President, New Mexico Psychological Association.

Both authors have extensive experience in the treatment of emotional disorders.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

About This Book 1

Foolish Assumptions 2

Icons Used in This Book 3

Beyond the Book 3

Where to Go from Here 3

Chapter 1: Exploring Borderline Personality Disorder 7

Breaking Down Borderline Personality Disorder 8

Unpredictable relationships 9

Acting without thinking 9

Volatile emotions 10

Confusing thoughts 10

Exploring the Origins of BPD 11

Counting the Costs of BPD 12

Health costs 12

Financial and career-related costs 13

The toll on family and friends 14

Treating BPD 15

Psychotherapy 15

Medication 16

Relating to People Who Have BPD 16

Chapter 2: Defining Personality to Understand BPD 19

Characterizing Personality 20

Differentiating Healthy from Unhealthy 20

Openness: Seeking new experiences 22

Flexibility: Rolling with the punches 22

Emotional regulation: Controlling what you express 23

Ability to delay gratification: Controlling impulses 24

Conscientiousness: Responsible and reliable 24

Interpersonal effectiveness: Having good relationships 25

Emotional resiliency: Bouncing back from tough breaks 25

Self-acceptance: Seeing yourself as you really are 26

Accurate perception of reality: Seeing the world as it is 26

Moderation: Avoiding extremes 27

Chapter 3: Describing BPD 29

The Nine Symptoms of BPD 30

1 Sensation seeking (impulsivity) 30

2 Self-harm 31

3 Roller coaster emotions 31

4 Explosiveness 31

5 Worries about abandonment 32

6 Unclear and unstable self-concept 32

7 Emptiness 32

8 Up-and-down relationships 32

9 Dissociation: Feeling out of touch with reality 33

Diagnosing BPD: Like Ordering from a Chinese Menu 33

High or Low Functioning 38

BPD Over the Life Span 38

Other Personality Disorders 39

The odd and eccentric 40

The dramatic and erratic 43

The anxious and fearful 46

Emotional Disorders That Accompany BPD 50

Anxiety 51

Trauma and stressor-related disorders 52

Obsessive-compulsive and related disorders 53

Depressive disorders 54

Bipolar and related disorders 54

Other emotional disorders 56

Chapter 4: Exploring the Root Causes of BPD 59

Beginning with Biology 60

Genetics 60

Brain chemistry and functioning 61

Psychological Factors 62

Problematic parenting 63

Abuse and trauma 66

Separation and loss 67

Disorganized and disrupted families 67

Social and Cultural Influences 68

The neighborhood 69

Friends and peers 70

The teen years 70

Social media 70

Cultural factors 71

Mixing and Matching Risk Factors 74

Biological and psychological factors 75

Biological and social influences 76

Psychological and social causes 76

A full biopsychosocial mix 77

Part 2: The Major BPD Symptoms 79

Chapter 5: Sensation Seeking and Self-Harm: The Impulsivity of BPD 81

Living Dangerously: Impulsive Behavior 82

Hurting for Help 84

Types of self-harming acts 84

Why hurt yourself? 85

Suicide: Seeking the Ultimate Escape 88

A cry for help or an attempt at revenge? 89

Who’s at risk? 89

Chapter 6: Explosive Feelings and Moods 91

Emotions 101 91

Primitive emotions 93

Thoughtful emotions 95

Emotions — Borderline Style 95

Struggling to recognize and express emotions 97

Having emotions about emotions 98

Chapter 7: Missing Persons: Identity Problems and BPD 99

The Concept of Identity 100

What is identity? 100

How does identity develop? 102

Borderline Identity: Unstable and Fragile 104

Waffling identities 105

Worries about identity 106

Chapter 8: Perceiving, Understanding, and Relating to Others 107

Standing in Other People’s Shoes 108

Understanding other people 108

Seeing yourself through other people’s eyes 110

Causing unintended hurt 111

Busting through Boundaries 113

Disrespecting partners and lovers 114

Slighting friends and co-workers 115

Straining relationships with helpers 115

Riding roughshod over kids 116

Chapter 9: BPD and Extreme Thinking 117

Understanding How You See the World 117

How schemas develop 118

Types of schemas 119

Why schemas are hard to change 120

BPD Schemas: No Middle Ground 121

Self-concept schemas 121

Relationship schemas 124

World schemas 127

Chapter 10: Slipping Away from Reality 131

Discovering Dissociation 132

Feeling Paranoid or Delusional 134

Having Hallucinations 135

When You Have BPD and Feel Crazy 137

Part 3: Making the Choice to Change 139

Chapter 11: Researching and Choosing BPD Treatments 141

Exploring BPD Treatment Settings 142

Working individually with a therapist 142

Giving groups a chance 142

Spending more time in treatment: Partial hospitalization 143

Needing more care: Inpatient psychiatric wards 143

Combining and changing treatments 144

Researching the Treatment Strategies That Work for BPD 144

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) 145

Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) 145

Transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP) 146

Cognitive therapy 146

Schema therapy 147

Transdiagnostic treatment 148

Metacognitive therapy (MCT) 148

Systems training for emotional predictability and problem solving (STEPPS) 148

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) 149

Compassion focused therapy (CFT) 149

Medication 149

Common factors in therapies 149

Choosing a Mental Health Professional 150

Primary healthcare providers 152

Psychologists 153

Psychiatrists 153

Counselors 154

Marriage and family therapists 154

Psychiatric nurses 155

Social workers 155

Starting Treatment 156

Evaluating your therapy 156

Giving therapy some time 157

Chapter 12: Breaking Through Barriers to Change 159

Overcoming the Fear of Change 160

Losing who you are: It’s not going to happen 161

Opening up: No need for cold feet 161

Dreading even more loss: Try not to test the ones who want to help 162

Fearing treatment: Don’t let therapy myths hold you back 162

Looking at fears of change in action 164

Taking Charge and Giving Up the Victim Role 165

Ending the blame game 165

Thinking like a victim: It doesn’t help 166

Finding forgiveness and coping 167

Stop Procrastinating 167

Dismantling excuses 167

Debating the decision 169

Getting Comfortable with the Process of Change 171

Chapter 13: Explaining BPD to Others 173

Deciding Whether and Whom to Tell 174

The benefits and costs of telling 174

Figuring out whom to tell 176

Deciding What to Tell 180

Educating yourself 180

Deciding how much to say 181

Telling Your Story Effectively 184

Chapter 14: Taking Care of Yourself 187

Dealing with Stress 187

Reviewing how stress affects health 188

Managing and reducing stress 189

Taking Better Care of Your Body 190

Revising your diet 191

Energizing with exercise 192

Getting enough sleep 192

Taking healthy actions 195

Finding More Time for Yourself 196

Part 4: Treatments for BPD 197

Chapter 15: Inhibiting Impulsivity 199

Increasing Your Awareness of Impulsive Behavior 200

Write down your impulsive acts 200

A case study of working on impulsiveness 202

Putting the Brakes on Impulsivity 206

Putting time on your side 206

Putting off your impulses 208

Doing something different 209

Fire drilling 209

Seeking Healthier Alternatives 211

Chapter 16: Calming the Storms Within 213

Putting a Name Tag on Feelings 214

Understanding the thought-feeling connection 214

Practicing emotional regulation 215

Forbidding Feelings from Ruling Over Thoughts 216

Doing the opposite of what you feel 217

Calming down with coping self-statements 218

Relaxing and Practicing 219

Making muscles relax 219

Soothing through the senses 223

Visualizing calm 224

Discovering Meditation 225

Benefits of meditation 225

How to meditate 226

Types of meditation 227

Meditation myths 229

Acquiring Acceptance 230

Discovering your observant mind 231

Playing with your judgmental mind 233

Chapter 17: Creating an Identity 235

Clarifying What’s Important in Your Life 236

Finding your personal priorities 236

Creating a personal life mission statement 239

Finding Forgiveness and Self-Compassion 242

Forgiving yourself first 242

Going from self-forgiveness to self-compassion 243

Fumbling to forgive others 244

Chapter 18: Putting Yourself in Other People’s Shoes 247

Understanding Others’ Points of View 248

Projecting: Thinking others feel what you feel 248

Practicing perspective taking 250

Noticing Your Impact on Others 255

Decreasing Defensiveness 255

Taking the “I” out of interactions 256

Putting a friend on your side 257

Musing over defusing 257

Getting Along Better 258

Listening 259

Giving compliments 259

Pillowing rather than pummeling 260

Chapter 19: Finding Shades of Gray: Changing Problematic Core Beliefs 261

Schema Busting Strategies 262

Recognizing the effects of schemas on your feelings 263

Exorcising problematic childhood schemas 266

Tabulating a cost-benefit analysis 268

Adopting Adaptive Schemas 271

Taking the direct approach 272

Staying on track with flash cards 273

Chapter 20: Considering Medication for BPD 277

Putting Medications on Trial 277

Getting Help from Medications 279

Considerations for taking medication 280

Precautions to consider 280

Surveying the Medicine Cabinet 282

Antidepressants 282

Neuroleptics 285

Mood stabilizers 286

Anti-anxiety medications (minor tranquilizers) 286

Problems with the Polypharmacy Strategy 286

Making the Medication Decision 287

Part 5: Advice for People Who Care 289

Chapter 21: What to Do When Your Partner Has BPD 291

Understanding Borderline Behaviors within Relationships 292

Going to extremes 292

Giving you the silent treatment 293

Gaslighting 295

Initiating isolation 296

Shaking up the present 297

Expressing entitlement 297

Acting impulsively 298

Feeling rejected and abandoned 299

Misinterpreting threats to self-esteem 300

Staying Safe: Emotionally and Physically 301

Dealing with your partner’s self-abuse 302

Knowing what to do when you’re the recipient of abuse 302

Walking Away from BPD 304

Debating the decision 304

Leaving abusive relationships if you decide to do so 306

Leaving nonabusive relationships if you decide to do so 308

Remaining in a Relationship 309

What does love have to do with it? 309

Hanging in for the long haul 310

Chapter 22: Befriending People with BPD 311

Recognizing Warning Signs of BPD 312

Determining When You’re Vulnerable to BPD Influence 315

Detecting Serious Symptoms 316

Handling Friends with BPD 317

What you can do 317

What you can’t do 319

Dealing with Dangerous Situations 321

Ending a BPD Relationship 322

Making your exit 322

Wrangling with guilt 323

Sticking with a Friend Who Has BPD 324

Chapter 23: Parenting Children at Risk for BPD 325

Heeding Early Warning Signs 326

Identifying problem behaviors 327

Pursuing a diagnosis 328

Looking at Risk Factors 329

Finding the Right Help 330

Loving Tough 332

Supporting without fostering 332

Setting limits 333

Dealing with a dangerous or out-of-control child 335

Managing screen time and social media 336

Taking Care of Everyone Else — Including Yourself 337

Parenting Adult Kids with BPD 338

Chapter 24: Advice for Adult Children of BPD Parents 339

Mourning the Perfect Childhood 340

Understanding the impact of BPD on children 340

Reviewing your relationship with your parent 342

Moving on with Your Life 344

Setting boundaries 344

Soliciting support 346

Becoming resilient 346

Chapter 25: Advice for Therapists of People with BPD 347

Detecting BPD in the Early Stages of Therapy 348

Maintaining Objectivity 350

Keeping your therapist ego on the shelf 351

Keeping therapist expectations within bounds 352

Understanding Boundaries 353

Dealing with Boundaries 354

Taking Care of Yourself 358

Part 6: The Part of Tens 361

Chapter 26: Ten Quick Ways to Settle Down 363

Breathing Away Distress 363

Chilling Your Hot Emotions 364

Picking Up Your Pace 364

Massaging Away the Blues 365

Surfing for Distraction 365

Reading (or Listening to) a Great Book 365

Mellowing Out in a Movie 366

Playing to Improve Your Mood 366

Phoning a Friend 366

Getting Outside 367

Chapter 27: Ten Ways to Say You’re Sorry 369

Saying the Words Out Loud 369

Asking for Forgiveness 370

Running an Errand 370

Sending Flowers 371

Sending a Card 371

Doing a Chore 371

Writing Your Thoughts 371

Finding a Poem 372

Sending a Small Gift 372

Making Amends: Giving or Volunteering 372

Chapter 28: Ten Things You Shouldn’t Do 375

Expect Quick Fixes 375

Stay Stuck 376

Choose Chiropractic Medicine 376

Stick Pins and Needles 376

Find a Life Coach 377

Fill Up Emptiness with Food or Drink 377

Try Too Hard 377

Gaze at Crystals 378

Get the Wrong Therapy 378

Hope That Medications Will Cure BPD 379

Appendix: Resources for You 381

Index 385