Boundaries : When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

• ISBN13: 9780310224525
• ISBN10: 0310224527
• Edition: Teacher
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 1999-02-01
• Publisher: Harpercollins Christian Pub

Summary

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

Table of Contents

Contents

Preface

Laying the Foundation

Each Boundaries Kit Contains

How This Leader’s Guide Is Organized

A Note About Timing

Five Tips for Leading Group Discussion

Session 1: What Is a Boundary?

Session 2: Understanding Boundaries

Session 3: The Laws of Boundaries, Part I

Session 4: The Laws of Boundaries, Part II

Session 5: Myths About Boundaries

Session 6: Boundary Conflicts, Part I

Session 7: Boundary Conflicts, Part II

Session 8: Boundary Successes, Part I

Excerpts

Laying the Foundation
Each Boundaries Kit Contains
• Boundaries — In this longtime best-seller, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based guidelines for setting healthy boundaries with our parents, spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and even ourselves.
• Boundaries Video — This nine-part video features the wisdom and insight of Drs. Cloud and Townsend, popular speakers and experts in the integration of Scripture and psychology. Interspersed are helpful real-life vignettes of people struggling to establish and live by godly boundaries.
• Boundaries Leader’s Guide — This comprehensive, user-friendly guide provides all the information you need to lead your group through the nine sessions of this course.
• Boundaries Participant’s Guide — This guide provides valuable notes and practical exercises (small group discussion starters, independent Bible studies, “Boundary Building” questions, etc.) that will help individuals apply to their own life the principles they learn.
Additional kits and copies of the Participant’s Guide are available from:
Zondervan Publishing House
5300 Patterson Avenue SE
Grand Rapids, MI 49530
Phone 1 – 800 – 727 – 3480
How This Leader’s Guide Is Organized
The Boundaries course is divided into nine sessions ranging in length from 45 – 50 minutes. This guide walks you through each session to help you prepare. You will also rely on this guide during the sessions, when you’ll find the pages reprinted from the Participant’s Guide very helpful.
For each session, the leader will need:
Leader’s Guide
Bible
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Video player, monitor, stand, extension cord, etc.
Videotape
For each session, the participants will need:
Participant’s Guide
Bible
Pen or pencil
You may want to encourage your participants to purchase a copy (or have copies available for them to purchase) of Boundaries and the Boundaries Workbook, both by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Each session includes the following parts:
Before You Lead
Key Points is a list of the session’s main ideas.
The Synopsis is a more detailed overview of the session’s main points.
Recommended Reading encourages you to read the corresponding chapter(s) of Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend’s book Boundaries in preparation for each session.
Introduction
The Introduction includes calling the class together, welcoming them, opening in prayer, and a short overview of the session’s main points to guide the participant.
Discovery
The bulk of the session material is found on the left-hand page of the Leader’s Guide. You may want to read the material word for word, or you might prefer to highlight the key words and phrases. Get to know the participants and let them get to know you a little. Make your teaching personal.
On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant’s Guide page(s). There is also space on these right-hand pages for you to write in any additional planning notes. Having the corresponding Participant’s Guide page in front of you allows you to view the page the participants are seeing as you talk without having to hold two books at the same time. It also lets you know where the participants are in their book when someone asks a question.
The Discovery section also includes the following key typographical elements:
1. The instructor narrative is shown in standard typeface.
2. Directions to the instructor are shown in a contrasting typeface and enclosed in a shaded box. These directions are not meant to be spoken by the instructor.
Participant’s Guide page 13.
3. Occasionally you’ll find statements which you should read verbatim. These statements (set off with a special bullet Ú) correlate to statements also included in the Participant’s Guide. Words shown in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS are words the participants need to fill in the blanks found on the corresponding pages in their Participant’s Guide.
Ú Boundaries help us distinguish our property so that we can TAKE CARE OF IT — and we are responsible for taking care of it.
Each of the sessions has at least one corresponding Video Segment. The video portion of the session will provide a springboard for class discussion and activities.
Exercises in the session will be done either alone (“On Your Own”), in small groups (“Let’s Talk”), or with the group as a whole. Directions are included for each exercise. (These directions are also included in the Participant’s Guide.) Accompanying various exercises are “Boundary Building” questions for the participants to go back to after the session, for further examination and reflection.
Summary
Each session closes with a brief review and a prayer.
A Note About Timing
Depending on your particular setting, you can lengthen or shorten each session to accommodate your specific needs. Be aware that discussion times may run longer or shorter than what you plan. Try to have an alternate plan for each session: know where you can cut time or add an additional discussion question or two.
Five Tips for Leading Group Discussion
1. Allow group members to participate at their own comfort level. Not everyone needs to answer every question.
2. Ask questions with interest and warmth and then listen carefully to individual responses. Remember: No answer is insignificant. Encourage and affirm each person’s participation.
3. Be flexible: Reword questions if necessary. Take the liberty of adding or deleting questions to accommodate the needs of your group members.
4. Allow for (and expect) differences of opinion and experience.
5. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF SILENCE! Allow people time to think — don’t panic! Sometimes ten seconds of silence seems like an eternity. Some of this material is difficult to process. Allow people time to digest the question and then respond.

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Excerpted from Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud, John Townsend
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.