Castration Celebration

by Wizner, Jake

• ISBN13: 9780375852169
• ISBN10: 0375852166
• Format: Trade Paper
• Copyright: 2010-05-25
• Publisher: Random House Books for Young Readers

Summary

It'sHigh School MusicalratedR! When the girl who's foresworn men meets the boy who's devoted himself to picking up women, there's bound to be dramaperfect for a sixweek summer program devoted to the arts. Olivia's summer goal: to write a musical that censures men with wandering eyes. Max's summer goal: to hone his acting skills, along with his talent for attracting the ladies. Before camp is over, they'll perform Olivia's musical onstageandin real lifethough the ending may turn out differently than either expects. Jake Wizner's story within a story takes the battle of the sexes to a whole new level in a bawdy, uproarious romp that's laugh-out-loud fun. From the Hardcover edition.

Author Biography

Jake Wizner is the author of Spanking Shakespeare, an ALA-YALSA Best Book for Young Adults. Jake grew up in a dormitory at Yale, and some of his fondest childhood memories are set on the Old Campus, where Castration Celebration is based. These days he lives in New York City with his wife and two daughters and spends his time writing, teaching, and going to the playground. Learn more about Jake by visiting his Web site at www.jakewizner.com.


From the Hardcover edition.

Excerpts

CHAPTER ONE

Olivia entered her suite to find a Barbie look-alike already there, listening to her iPod and dancing around the common room in impossibly short shorts and a midriff-baring T-shirt. When she spotted Olivia, she smiled hugely and pulled off her headphones. “Oh my God!” she squealed. “I know you. You were right in front of me in line before!”

“Small world,” Olivia said with a smirk.

“I’m Mimi,” Barbie said. “We’re the only ones here so far. You want to share a room with me?” She pointed to the bedroom on the left. “It’s a little bigger, I think.”

Oh God, Olivia thought. She looked toward the bedroom, but did not move.

“Plus it’s got better feng shooey, because the beds are farther from the door.”

Feng shooey? Olivia stifled a laugh. Just for the raw material Mimi would provide, maybe it would be worth it to share. And there really was no graceful way to turn down the offer without hurting Mimi’s feelings. “How can I say no to better feng shooey?” Olivia said, beginning to wheel her suitcase to the left.

Mimi followed her into the room. “How funny is it that we’re roommates and we checked in at exactly the same time? I mean, check-in is all day, so we could have come at any time. It’s like fate, or something, that we ended up roommates, don’t you think?”

Keep a straight face, Olivia told herself, and don’t say anything too sarcastic. She placed her suitcase flat next to her bed and began to unzip it. Maybe if she didn’t respond, Mimi would stop talking.

“I mean what are the chances that we’d be right next to each other at registration? Like a million to one, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing I stopped to get drunk on the way here this morning,” Olivia blurted, “or we would have totally missed each other.”

“Are you serious?” Mimi’s eyes popped wide. “No, you’re kidding.”

“I probably shouldn’t drink when I’m on so many painkillers, but, hey, it’s summer, right?”

Mimi’s expression veered from amusement to serious concern, and Olivia burst out laughing.

“Oh my God!” Mimi squealed. “I totally believed you for a second!”

Olivia shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’m actually a pretty straight arrow. No drinking, no drugs, nothing illegal for me.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Mimi plopped down on her bed and her voice took on a playful quality. “What about boys?”

“Definitely none of them,” Olivia said decisively.

“Get out!” Mimi shrieked. “Have you seen all the hot guys here?”

Olivia chuckled. Just her luck to get stuck with a nymphomaniac.



In the same dorm, one floor below, Max was unpacking when a tall, skinny guy with long hair walked into the room, wheeling a huge suitcase, wearing a backpack over one shoulder, and carrying a guitar.

“Hey,” Max said.

The guy gave a little nod. “What’s up?”

“I’m Max.”

“Zeke.” He dropped the backpack on the empty bed and leaned his guitar against the wall.

“You here for music?” Max asked.

“Yeah.”

Zeke opened his book bag, fished out a bottle of water, and took a big swig. Then he brushed his hair out of his face and lifted his suitcase onto the bed.

“You’d think with how much money we’re paying we’d get a bigger room, right?” Max said.

“At least some air-conditioning.”

“I know. This room’s like a fucking sauna.”

“You think any of the roo

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Excerpted from Castration Celebration by Jake Wizner
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.