Changing Places A Journey with my Parents into Their Old Age

by Kramer, Judy

• ISBN13: 9781573228800
• ISBN10: 157322880X
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2001-08-01
• Publisher: Riverhead Trade

Summary

Millions of baby boomers are facing one of life's most poignant challenges--they are becoming parents to their parents. Confronted with new emotional and practical challenges when her parents entered a nursing home, Kramer navigates this difficult journey.

Author Biography

Judy Kramer is a journalist who writes for the Washington, D.C., area Gazette newspaper

Table of Contents

Preface	xv
Introduction	1	(6)
PART I Afternoon Changes	7	(42)
Departure: Closing a Home	9	(3)
Moving In	12	(2)
Assuming Control	14	(3)
Setting Up an Irrevocable Trust	17	(2)
Medicaid: Becoming Poor and Eligible	19	(3)
Confinement, Contentment, and Commitment	22	(3)
Nurturing Creativity	25	(2)
Preparing for Mortality	27	(2)
Trading Places	29	(3)
Feeling My Feelings	32	(2)
Family Communications	34	(2)
Learning the Drill	36	(3)
Learning the Hard Way	39	(4)
Traveling with Family Baggage	43	(6)
PART II Evening Losses	49	(64)
Looking Backward and Forward	51	(2)
Losing Independence	53	(2)
Invisible Indignities	55	(2)
Making Choices	57	(3)
Losses	60	(3)
Innovating Around Losses	63	(3)
A Good Loss	66	(2)
Living with Her Choices	68	(3)
Losing Control	71	(2)
The Meaning of Things	73	(2)
A Full Plate	75	(3)
The Limits of Care	78	(2)
Trading Voice Mail	80	(2)
Time-sharing	82	(3)
Guilt and Reality	85	(2)
Finding Ways to Help	87	(2)
Getting It Right	89	(3)
The Last Dance	92	(2)
Running Out of Time	94	(3)
Rare Pleasure	97	(3)
Dad Won't Listen	100	(2)
Balancing Act	102	(3)
Showing Love	105	(3)
Family Albums: Buried Treasure	108	(5)
PART III Night Death	113	(36)
The Gift of Conversation	115	(3)
Preparing Together	118	(3)
Medical Emergencies	121	(2)
The Cost of Care	123	(3)
The Seesaw	126	(2)
Approaching Death	128	(3)
Allowing Death: The Advance Directive	131	(4)
Implementing Death	135	(3)
Sharing Death	138	(2)
Road Map: The Advance Directive	140	(4)
When the Question is an Answer	144	(5)
PART IV Dawn Grief	149	(50)
Caregiver Withdrawal	150	(2)
Surviving Death	152	(2)
The Gift of Remembering	154	(3)
Seeing Dad Again	157	(3)
Phone Fear	160	(2)
Recognizing Losses	162	(2)
Life's Overdraft Privileges	164	(3)
The Natural Order of Things	167	(2)
Missing Parents Differently	169	(2)
The Memories We Select	171	(3)
How We Heal	174	(2)
Finding the Universal in the Particular	176	(2)
Saying Thanks and Good-bye	178	(4)
Meeting Parents as Peers	182	(3)
Wanting to Love Them	185	(4)
Hard Things to Say	189	(10)
PART V Morning Survival	199	(34)
Legacies	200	(3)
Balancing the Books	203	(2)
Not Sharing Good News	205	(2)
Being with Dad Again	207	(2)
Feeling Grief and Relief	209	(2)
Closing Accounts	211	(2)
Releasing the Records	213	(2)
Speaking Without Words	215	(3)
The Anniversary of Mon's Death	218	(3)
The Legacy of Letters	221	(2)
Looking in and Out	223	(2)
Lessons	225	(5)
Fears, Feelings, and the Flow of Time	230	(3)
Conclusion	233