The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger

by Kolts, Russell L., Ph.D.

• ISBN13: 9781608820375
• ISBN10: 1608820378
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2012-07-01
• Publisher: New Harbinger Pubns Inc

Summary

Anger is most often rooted in deep fears and pain that sets off a defensive reaction, and those with anger management problems may go back and forth between justifying their anger and feeling ashamed because of it. The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger takes a unique approach to helping readers overcome anger called compassion-focused therapy (CFT). Written by a clinical psychologist who has worked with a wide variety of clients with anger issues, this book addresses the evolutionary origins of anger and offers readers CFT skills for understanding their own anger, feeling compassion for themselves, and developing compassion for others, including the targets of their anger. Readers will identify the triggers that most often activate their anger and learn to reroute the habitual thought processes that maintain anger. By developing mindfulness and compassion skills, readers can learn to stand back from anger instead of automatically acting on angry thoughts and feelings.

Author Biography

Russell L. Kolts, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and professor at Eastern Washington University outside of Spokane, WA. He has worked with a wide variety of patients with significant anger issues. Foreword writer Paul Gilbert, PhD, is a professor at the University of Derby in the United Kingdom, director of the mental health research unit at Derbyshire Mental Health Trust, and author of The Companionate Mind.

Table of Contents

Foreword	p. ix
Acknowledgments	p. xv
Introduction	p. 1
Anger: Introduction and Overview	p. 5
Types of Anger
A Closer Look: Steve's Story
What Do We Mean by "Anger"?
Dissecting the Anger Experience
How We Feel It: Anger in the Body
Attention: The Spotlight of the Mind
Things We Tell Ourselves: Thoughts, Reasoning, and Rumination
Playing It Out in Our Minds: Imagery and Fantasy
Driven to Act: The Power of Motivation
Things We Do: Angry Behavior
Conclusion
The Compassionate-Mind Approach to Understanding Anger	p. 27
Finding Ourselves Here
Old Brains and New Brains
A Model of Emotion
The Three Circles
The Threat and Self-Protection System
The Drive and Resource Acquisition System
The Soothing and Safeness System
Calming Down the Threat System
Conclusion
When Things Become Unbalanced	p. 49
Evolved Brains in the Modern World
Chasing Imbalance
Why Me?
If You Didn't Get What You Needed
Learning To Be Angry
Implicit Memory and the Construction of "Reality"
Triggers
Fault and Responsibility
Conclusion
The Case for Compassion	p. 71
The Heart of Compassion
So What Exactly Is Compassion
How Compassion Organizes Our Minds
Attributes of the Compassionate Mind
Skills Training
Warmth
Conclusion
First Steps	p. 87
The Courage to Change: Compassionate Motivation
David's Example
Using Compassionate Attention with Arousal: Soothing-Rhythm Breathing
The Compassion Practice Journal
Conclusion
The Cultivation of Mindfulness	p. 101
Mindfulness: A Workout for the Brain
Mindfulness of the Breath
Mindfulness and Working with Anger
Conclusion
Compassionate Imagery: Developing the Compassionate Self	p. 119
Using Imagery
Cultivating the Compassionate Self
Considering Self-Compassion
The Compassionate Self in Action
Using Imagery to Engage Your Safeness System
"Don't Think of a White Bear!"
Your Ideal Compassionate
Image
Compassion Flowing into Us
Bringing Compassion to Pain
The Safe-Place Exercise
Conclusion
Working Compassionately with Anger: Validation, Distress Tolerance, and Exploring Your Emotional Self	p. 145
A Case Example: Sheila and Josh
Getting to Know Your Anger Response
Compassionate Validation of Anger as a Threat Response
Tolerating Distress and Discomfort
Distress-Tolerance Strategies
Exploring Emotions Behind Your Anger
The "Two Chairs" Technique
Conclusion
Working Compassionately with Anger: Mentalizing, Compassionate Thinking, and Problem Solving	p. 167
Mentalizing
Learning to Pause and Ask Yourself Questions
Working Compassionately with Angry Thinking
"What Would My Compassionate Self Thinks"
The Compassionate-Thinking Flash Card
"What Would My Compassionate Self Do?"
Conclusion
Compassionate Behavior: Relating Compassionately with Others	p. 185
Assertiveness
Expressing Emotions and Desires
Working with Your Limitations
Expressing Disagreement
Reconciliation
Apologizing
Forgiveness
When Things Don't Go the Way You'd Like
Positive Interactions: The Building Blocks of Good Relationships
Conclusion
Bringing Compassion to Your Experience of Others	p. 209
Compassionate Recognition of Our Common Humanity
Cultivating Empathy
Deepening Empathy with Mentalization
Sympathy
Bringing Empathy to Your Angry Interactions
Compassionate Imagery: Bringing Compassion to a Challenging Other
Conclusion
Full Circle: Bringing Compassion and Kindness to Yourself	p. 225
Compassionate Behavior: Self-Care
Broadening Your Perspective
Conclusion
Moving Forward: Approaching Anger and Life with Compassion	p. 237
Organizing Your Approach to Anger: The RAGE Model
Conclusion
Appendix	p. 245
Useful Books and CDs for Working with Anger
Useful Websites
Notes	p. 251
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