Daring to Trust Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy

by Richo, David

• ISBN13: 9781590309247
• ISBN10: 1590309243
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2011-07-26
• Publisher: Shambhala

Summary

Most relationship problems are essentially trust issues, explains psychotherapist David Richo. Whether it’s fear of commitment, insecurity, jealousy, or a tendency to be controlling, the real obstacle is a fundamental lack of trust-both in ourselves and in our partner. Daring to Trust offers key insights and practical exercises for exploring and addressing our trust issues in relationships. Topics include: " How we learn early in life to trust others (or not to trust them) " Why we fear trusting " Developing greater trust in ourselves as the basis for trusting others " How to know if someone is trustworthy " Na ve trust vs. healthy, adult trust " What to do when trust is broken Ultimately, Richo explains, we must develop trust in four directions: toward ourselves, toward others, toward life as it is, and toward a higher power or spiritual path. These four types of trust are not only the basis of healthy relationships, they are also the foundation of emotional well-being and freedom from fear.

Author Biography

David Richo, PHD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. 1
How This Book Came to Be	p. 2
Our Need, Our Fear, Our Risk	p. 6
Practice: Exploring Our History of Trust	p. 8
What Is Trust?	p. 11
Intelligent Distrust	p. 15
Our Capacity for Trusting	p. 18
Needs and How They Play Out	p. 21
Reading Ourselves	p. 26
Practice: Following Our Needs	p. 28
There Are Healthy Connections	p. 30
Bonds of Attaching and Relating	p. 33
Practices
Breathe, Pause, Start Over	p. 37
Exploring Our Childlike and Adult Trust	p. 38
Our Early Sense of Trust	p. 42
Our First Steps	p. 46
Gone but Here	p. 52
Practices
Receiving Comfort and Facing Challenge	p. 53
Trusting and Loving	p. 54
How Trust Happens in Relationships	p. 58
Reciprocal Trust	p. 60
Surrender in a Committed Relationship	p. 65
To Whom Shall We Go?	p. 69
Exploring Our Style of Trusting	p. 71
When the Five A's Meet the Ego	p. 72
Practices for Auditing Our Relationship
How to Know If Someone Can Be Trusted	p. 75
How Communication Becomes Trustworthy	p. 79
How We Miss Trust	p. 83
Trusting Can Wake Old Ghosts	p. 85
Practice: Freeing Ourselves from the Fear of Trusting Our Own Power	p. 91
When Our Story Gets in the Way	p. 94
Practice: Erasing the Storyboard	p. 96
Trust Lost, Trust Regained	p. 101
The Silent Treatment	p. 103
Lies We Tell, Hear, or Won't Hear	p. 107
A Double Life	p. 113
Practice: Letting Go of Obsession	p. 116
When We Cheat	p. 118
When We Are Betrayed	p. 122
Why We Put Up with Pain	p. 125
Practices for Rebuilding Broken Trust
Noticing How Our Past Is Present	p. 130
The Work of the Partner Who Broke Trust	p. 133
The Personal Work of the Partner Who Was Betrayed	p. 135
When Both Partners Want to Work on the Relationship	p. 137
Trusting Ourselves	p. 144
Trusting Our Feelings	p. 148
Practice: Working with Our Emotions	p. 152
Trusting Our Bodies	p. 154
Trusting Our Sexuality	p. 156
Can I Trust Myself in a Crisis ?	p. 158
Practices
Befriending the Three Witches	p. 161
No Longer Victims	p. 163
A Positive Approach to Ourselves	p. 165
Our Core Trust in Reality	p. 166
The Supreme Attunement	p. 172
Practice: Fidelity to Ourselves	p. 176
Four Reliable Directions	p. 178
Practice: Using Our Compass of Trust	p. 182
Trust in Powers beyond Us	p. 187
Our Longing for Meaning	p. 192
Buddhist Paths to Adult Trust	p. 195
Trust in the Higher Self	p. 200
Practice: Awakening at Many Levels	p. 205
Epilogue: Trust in Grace-full Coincidence	p. 208
About the Author	p. 212
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