The Darwin Awards Evolution in Action

by Northcutt, Wendy

• ISBN13: 9780525945727
• ISBN10: 0525945725
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2000-11-01
• Publisher: E P Dutton

Summary

In the bestselling tradition of The Onion's Our Dumb Century, The Darwin Awards shows readers just how uncommon common sense can be. One of the most popular Internet humor sites today--with 350,000 visitors a month and growing--DarwinAwards.com has dedicated itself to commemorating those who ensure the long-term survival of our species by eliminating themselves in a sublimely idiotic fashion from our gene pool. Winners of the Darwin Award are self-selecting: their single-minded determination to snuff themselves by spectacular means makes them candidates. With stories verified by the author and voted on by the site's readers, The Darwin Awards presents the finest examples of evolution in action, including: The man who used a cigarette lighter to check the level of a gasoline can; the surfers who celebrated a hurricane by throwing a beachfront party and getting washed out to sea; the absent-minded terrorist who opened a mail bomb returned to him for insufficient postage. Like The Onion before it. DarwinAwards.com has a rabid, grassroots fan base eager for a book version of their favorite Web site. Filled with the winners, honorable mentions, and urban legends from Darwin Awards of years past, as well as new, never before seen material. The Darwin Awards has the pedigree to become the gift book of choice for holidays and the first must-have humor title of the twenty-first century.

Author Biography

Wendy Northcutt is a graduate of UC Berkeley with a degree in molecular biology. She started collecting the stories that make up the Darwin Awards in 1993, and founded www.DarwinAwards.com soon thereafter. She has been profiled in Salon magazine, and now divides her time between managing the website and working as an Internet consultant. Her award-winning website is one of the most popular humor sites on the web today, with over 400,000 visitors a month and growing. It has received acclaim from USA Today, the BBC, and Yahoo!, and was chosen as a Cool Site of the Year 2000. Wendy Northcutt studied molecular biology at UC Berkeley, then worked in a neuroscience research lab at Stanford University. She launched the Darwin Awards archive on a Stanford website, and emailed stories to a small list of friends. When academia began to pall, she joined a start-up company hoping to develop cancer and diabetes therapeutics, and continued to work on the Darwin Awards. Eventually the lure of the Internet proved too strong to resist, and Wendy abdicated her laboratory responsibilities to pursue a dream. She now works as a freelance webmaster, and hones her skills on the Darwin Awards website. Today, nominations from a worldwide network of fans are presented for vote and debate at www.DarwinAwards.com. Wendy first learned of the concept of the Darwin Awards from her cousin Ian, a mildly eccentric philosopher who later started his own religion in order to avoid shaving his beard while working in the pizza industry. Ian is now pursuing a degree in archeology, and his hair is no longer an issue. Wendy devotes her free time to studying human behavior, writing Darwin Awards, reading, traveling, and gardening.

Table of Contents

The Darwin Awards: What are they?	p. 1
Survival of the Fittest	p. 1
Rules and Eligibility	p. 2
Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution	p. 7
Uncommon Common Sense	p. 11
History and Internet Culture	p. 13
Advice on Reading the Stories	p. 15
Natural Selection: Animal Misadventures	p. 17
Can Animals Win Darwin Awards?	p. 17
Darwin Award: In a Pig's Eye	p. 21
Darwin Award: Killer Whale Rodeo	p. 23
Darwin Award: Playing with Cats	p. 26
Darwin Award: Hungry Python Kills Owner	p. 27
Darwin Award: Poisonous Pets	p. 29
Darwin Award: Snake Charmer?	p. 30
Darwin Award: Burmese Python	p. 32
Darwin Award: What's New, Pussycat?	p. 33
Darwin Award: Wild Animal Lesson	p. 34
Darwin Award: Smarter Animals	p. 36
Darwin Award: Running of the Bulls	p. 37
Darwin Award: Silenced by the Lambs	p. 38
Darwin Award: Human Hitching Post	p. 39
Honorable Mention: Nine Times a Loser	p. 41
Honorable Mention: Revenge of the Gopher	p. 42
Honorable Mention: Woman Disarmed by Tiger	p. 43
Honorable Mention: Don't Mess with Mama Bear	p. 45
Urban Legend: Man Glued to Rhino Buttocks	p. 46
Personal Account: Bug Repellent	p. 48
Personal Account: Why Kids Leave the Farm	p. 50
Relatively Dangerous: A Family Affair	p. 51
Children and Evolution	p. 51
Darwin Award: Go, Speed Racer, Go	p. 54
Darwin Award: Wife Tossing in Buenos Aires	p. 56
Darwin Award: Count Your Chickens	p. 57
Darwin Award: Father Knows Best	p. 58
Darwin Award: Laughing Gas	p. 60
Darwin Award: Murderous Affair	p. 61
Darwin Award: Avoiding a Fight	p. 63
Darwin Award: Maine Chainsaw Romance	p. 64
Honorable Mention: Trash Compactor	p. 66
Honorable Mention: Darwin Your Bratty Kids	p. 67
Urban Legend: Missionary Miscalculation	p. 68
Personal Account: Accidental Safe Sex	p. 69
Personal Account: Wives with Chloroform	p. 70
"I Fought the Law ...": Stupid Criminal Tricks	p. 71
If Evolution Works, Why So Many Idiots?	p. 71
Darwin Award: Junk Food Junkie	p. 74
Darwin Award: Copper Caper	p. 75
Darwin Award: Good Trumps Evil at Church	p. 76
Darwin Award: Jumping Jack Cash	p. 77
Darwin Award: Tired of It All	p. 78
Darwin Award: Modus Operandi Misfires	p. 79
Darwin Award: Restaurant Thief	p. 80
Darwin Award: Dum Dum Boutique	p. 81
Darwin Award: Scrap Metal Thieves	p. 82
Darwin Award: Wrong Time, Wrong Place	p. 83
Darwin Award: Clumsy Canadian Burglar	p. 84
Darwin Award: Escaping Conviction	p. 85
Darwin Award: Rob Your Neighbor	p. 86
Honorable Mention: Pick Your Target	p. 88
Honorable Mention: Armed and Dangerous?	p. 89
Honorable Mention: Poor Sense of Direction	p. 90
Honorable Mention: Airbag Weapons	p. 91
Honorable Mention: Mis-Steak	p. 92
Honorable Mention: Wile E. Coyote of Burglars	p. 93
Honorable Mention: Limo and Latte Burglar	p. 94
Honorable Mention: Spare Some Change?	p. 95
Honorable Mention: Three Times a Loser	p. 96
Honorable Mention: Sunny Side Up	p. 97
Honorable Mention: Official Drug Test	p. 98
Honorable Mention: Klutzy Crook	p. 99
Personal Account: Compacted Ignorance	p. 100
Personal Account: Gangster Blues	p. 102
Up in Smoke: Fire and Explosions	p. 103
Awards for Priests and Gays?	p. 103
Darwin Award: Living on Zionist Time	p. 106
Darwin Award: Firefighters Ignite!	p. 107
Darwin Award: Igniting Fireworks the Easy Way	p. 108
Darwin Award: Justice Is Served	p. 109
Darwin Award: No Smoking? Ha!	p. 110
Darwin Award: Dynamite and Boats Don't Mix	p. 112
Darwin Award: Up in Smoke	p. 113
Darwin Award: Cigarette Lighter Triggers Fatal Explosion	p. 115
Darwin Award: Lights Out	p. 116
Honorable Mention: Chimney Safety	p. 118
Honorable Mention: I Just Flicked My Bic!	p. 119
Urban Legend: Scuba Divers and Forest Fires	p. 120
Urban Legend: Cow Bomb	p. 122
Urban Legend: Raccoon Rocket	p. 123
Urban Legend: Hydrogen Beer Disaster	p. 125
Urban Legend: Cell Phone Destroys Gas Station	p. 128
Personal Account: Elemental Mistake	p. 129
Personal Account: Is It Loaded?	p. 130
Personal Account: Final Flick of Bic	p. 131
Leaps of Faith: Fatal Falls	p. 133
John F. Kennedy Jr.	p. 133
Darwin Award: Don't Drink and Fly	p. 138
Darwin Award: Lawyer Aloft	p. 140
Darwin Award: Stoned Sleep	p. 141
Darwin Award: Homegrown Parachute	p. 142
Darwin Award: Yosemite Parachute Safety	p. 145
Darwin Award: Shocking Fall	p. 147
Darwin Award: Bungee Jumper	p. 148
Darwin Award: Bridge Bonzai	p. 149
Darwin Award: One for the Birds	p. 150
Personal Account: Leap of Faith	p. 151
Personal Account: One, Two, Three, Heave!	p. 153
Urban Legend: Misadventure at the Metallica Concert	p. 155
Urban Legend: Power Plant Fitness Freak	p. 158
Personal Account: Leveled	p. 160
Military Intelligence: Uninformed Men	p. 161
Historical Darwin Awards	p. 161
Darwin Award: Intelligence Blunders	p. 164
Darwin Award: Hanging Around Jail	p. 165
Darwin Award: Peeper Plummets	p. 166
Darwin Award: Dead Spitter	p. 167
Darwin Award: New Dating Technique	p. 168
Darwin Award: Resistance Is Futile	p. 169
Darwin Award: Wait for Me!	p. 170
Personal Account: Industrious Brain-Dead Private	p. 172
Personal Account: 5 Soldiers, 6 Police, 0 Brains	p. 174
Personal Account: Jet Ski Jock	p. 176
Personal Account: North Pacific Deckpecker	p. 178
Personal Account: Flack Vest Testing	p. 180
Testosterone Poisoning: Macho Men	p. 181
The Issue of Offspring	p. 181
Darwin Award: JATO	p. 184
Darwin Award: Fatal Footsie	p. 186
Darwin Award: Guy Gulps Goldfish	p. 187
Darwin Award: Dry Spell	p. 188
Darwin Award: Sequined Pastie	p. 191
Darwin Award: Gun Safety Training	p. 192
Darwin Award: The Winner Gets ... A Postmortem	p. 193
Darwin Award: I'm a Man, I Can Handle It	p. 195
Darwin Award: William Tell Overture	p. 196
Darwin Award: Sink the Cue Ball	p. 197
Darwin Award: Repairs on the Road	p. 199
Honorable Mention: Right Tool for the Right Job	p. 200
Honorable Mention: Kiss Bites Back	p. 201
Urban Legend: The Dog and the Jeep	p. 203
Personal Account: One Cool Dude	p. 206
Personal Account: Out of Their Heads	p. 209
Personal Account: Round Lake Shortcut	p. 210
Darwin Award: Chute Boy	p. 212
Dangerous Liaisons: Unsafe Sex	p. 213
Evolutionary Hall of Shame	p. 213
Darwin Award: Love Crushed Sex	p. 215
Darwin Award: Baby, You Drive Me Crazy	p. 216
Darwin Award: Sex and Suffocation	p. 217
Darwin Award: Fatal Flasher	p. 218
Honorable Mention: Chimney Manners	p. 219
Honorable Mention: Betrayal of Trussed	p. 220
Urban Legend: Lightning Date	p. 222
Urban Legend: Gerbil Rocket	p. 224
Urban Legend: Hedonist Air Pumpers	p. 225
Urban Legend: Romeo and Juliet?	p. 227
Davey Jones' Locker: Watery Demise	p. 229
Divergent Evolution	p. 229
Darwin Award: Hurricane Hangover	p. 232
Darwin Award: Gone Fishin'	p. 233
Darwin Award: Polar Bear Swim	p. 234
Darwin Award: Crappy Driving Award	p. 236
Darwin Award: Can Duck Shooters Swim?	p. 237
Darwin Award: Yosemite Hike	p. 239
Darwin Award: Wet Will He	p. 240
Darwin Award: Hard Work Rewards	p. 241
Honorable Mention: Loch Ness Monster	p. 242
Urban Legend: Darwin Beach Death	p. 243
Personal Account: Quarry Story	p. 245
Personal Account: The Iceman Exiteth	p. 248
Personal Account: Rub Dub Dub, Men in a Tub	p. 249
Personal Account: Surprise Flush	p. 250
Personal Account: Tide-ally Impaired	p. 252
Man's Favorite Toy: Penis Envy	p. 253
Losing the Family Jewels	p. 253
Honorable Mention: Zany New Zealand Contest	p. 256
Honorable Mention: Mr. Happy's Vacuum	p. 258
Darwin Award: Priapism Takes a Penis	p. 260
Darwin Award: Man Slices Off Penis	p. 262
Darwin Award: Love from the Heart	p. 264
Honorable Mention: Scoutmaster Snare	p. 265
Honorable Mention: Scrotum Self-Repair	p. 266
Honorable Mention: Horse Drug Experiment	p. 268
Urban Legend: Frog Giggin' Accident in Arkansas	p. 269
Personal Account: Jump Rope Blues	p. 271
Personal Account: Disco Dork	p. 273
Personal Account: Bridge Bowling	p. 274
Personal Account: Pissing into the Wind	p. 276
Foolish Ingenuity: End of the Line	p. 277
Evolution in Action	p. 277
Honorable Mention: Lawnchair Larry	p. 280
Darwin Award: The Last Supper	p. 283
Darwin Award: Ultimate Price for Smelling Nice	p. 285
Darwin Award: Midnight Special	p. 287
Darwin Award: Deadly Reading Habits	p. 288
Darwin Award: Breatharianism	p. 289
Darwin Award: Roller Coaster	p. 291
Darwin Award: Mental Eclipse	p. 292
Darwin Award: No Bike Lane at the Airport	p. 293
Darwin Award: The Bumbershoot	p. 294
Darwin Award: Lemmings in a Well	p. 295
Darwin Award: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow	p. 296
Darwin Award: Death of Dracula	p. 298
Darwin Award: The Daily Grind	p. 299
Urban Legend: Christmas Roast	p. 300
Urban Legend: The Laundry Was Clean ...	p. 301
Urban Legend: Unfortunate Husband	p. 303
Urban Legend: Overkill	p. 306
Personal Account: Team Spirit	p. 307
Personal Account: Cleaning the Head	p. 308
Appendices	p. 309
Website Biography	p. 309
Darwin Haiku	p. 311
Author Biography	p. 312
Story Index	p. 313
Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.