Dealing with Relatives (... Even If You Can't Stand Them) : Bringing Out the Best in Families at Their Worst

by Brinkman, Rick; Kirschner, Rick

• ISBN13: 9780071377386
• ISBN10: 0071377387
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2002-10-17
• Publisher: MCG

Summary

The companion to the bestselling Dealing with People You Can't Stand Whether it's the overbearing mother-in-law, the complaining uncle, or just the brother who annoys you at Thanksgiving, here is expert advice on how to successfully deal with every kind of behavior or situation that families face. Divided into three essential sections: Basic Training, Types of Behavior, and Tough Situations, Dealing with Relatives covers all the skills required to navigate ­­and survive­­dreaded gatherings and excruciating visits. From learning "The Art of the Apology," to understanding the personality types common to most families, Drs. Rick and Rick come to the rescue once again by applying their winning combination of savvy advice and quick wit, along with new insights, anecdotes, and appealing cartoons.

Author Biography

Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner are naturopathic physicians, professional speakers, and trainers who perform more than 150 programs a year all over the world. They are coauthors of the bestselling Dealing with People You Can't Stand as well as numerous bestselling and award-winning audio and video programs.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. xiii
Introduction	p. xv
Meet the Relatives: A Lens of Understanding on why they act the way they do
Family Fables by the Doctors Rick	p. 3
The General: The Family Trip
The Judge: The Real Story of Jack, the Giant, and the Bean Stalk
The Pleaser: Leave It to Pleasers
The VIP: Bonaparte Family Reunion
The Meddler: Interference from Olympus
The Martyr: The Night Before Christmas
The Rebel: The Pirate Convention
The Mystery: The Mystery of the Missing Man
The Five Choices
The Lens of Understanding: The Normal Zone	p. 17
What Determines Focus and Engagement?
Be Responsible
Be Appropriate
Be Considerate
Be Significant
It's a Question of Balance
As Intent Changes, So Does Behavior
The Either/Or Zone: Greatness or Danger	p. 27
Thwarted and Projected Intentions
The General
The Judge
The Pleaser
The VIP
The Meddler
The Mystery
The Martyr
The Rebel
Family Camp: A learning environment for essential skills
Getting to Common Ground	p. 41
Blending, the First Basic Skill
Redirecting, the Second Basic Skill
Listen with Intention	p. 46
The Listening Process
The Perils of Generalization
Hidden Meanings Behind Generalizations
You Can Do It
Get to the Heart of the Matter	p. 56
Find the Good
Reinforce Wanted Behaviors
Deal with Criticism
Reach a Deeper Understanding	p. 62
Doing Unto Others: Behavioral Definitions
Clarifying Behavioral Definitions
Come Together with Clarity: Criteria
Telling Your Truth	p. 66
Know the Value of Your Truth
Know What You'll Say Before You Say It
The Art of the Apology	p. 77
The Nature of Forgiveness
The Power of Forgiveness
Give Peace a Chance
Changing Your Reactions	p. 84
Eight Strategies: Create Neutral Turf
Create a New Dynamic
Find a New Environment
Gain a New Perspective
Reverse the Roles
Find the Right Time
Change Your Mode of Communication
Change from the Inside Out
Family Gatherings, Get-Togethers, Show-Ups, and Showdowns at the Not-OK Corral
Know Your Magic Numbers	p. 101
Geography
Frequency
Time
Magic Number Worksheet
Do an Obligation Evaluation	p. 106
Pre-Obligation Checklist
Know Your Support Strategies	p. 109
The Before Stage
The During Stage
The After Stage
Rules of Non-Engagement	p. 119
Decide in Advance
Plan for Sore Subjects
Keep Your Perspective
Use Reminders
Bringing Out the Best in Relatives at Their Worst: Specific options for dealing with the Eight by Fate
The General	p. 127
Fable: Wolfie and the Major
Understanding the General
Dealing with the General
Options with the General
Fable Finale: Wolfie and the Major
The Judge	p. 141
Fable: Olivia Owl and Robin Robin
Understanding the Judge
Dealing with the Judge
Options with the Judge
Fable Finale: Olivia Owl and Robin Robin
The Pleaser	p. 154
Fable: Carrie Chameleon
Understanding the Pleaser
Dealing with the Pleaser
Options with the Pleaser
Fable Finale: Carrie Chameleon
The VIP	p. 169
Fable: Dena and Doug Donkey
Understanding the VIP
Dealing with the VIP
Options with the VIP
Fable Finale: Dena and Doug Donkey
The Meddler	p. 183
Fable: The Life and Loves of Sally Squirrel
Understanding the Meddler
Dealing with the Meddler
Options with the Meddler
Fable Finale: The Life and Loves of Sally Squirrel
The Martyr	p. 199
Fable: The Three Bears
Understanding the Martyr
Dealing with the Martyr
Options with the Martyr
Fable Finale: The Three Bears
The Mystery	p. 215
Fable: The Ant and the Grasshopper
Understanding the Mystery
Dealing with the Mystery
Options with the Mystery
Fable Finale: The Ant and the Grasshopper
The Rebel	p. 229
Fable: The Black Sheep
Understanding the Rebel
Dealing with the Rebel
Options with the Rebel
Fable Finale: The Black Sheep
The Dimension of Greatness: Top 10 Qualities of Great Relatives	p. 245
A Great Relative: Values Communication
Loves Unconditionally
Is Accepting and Respectful
Offers Support
Is Helpful
Keeps in Touch
Is Wise with Money
Is Also a Friend
Doesn't Hold On to the Past
Is Fun, Optimistic, and a Positive Influence
Appendix	p. 251
Resources
Organizations
Peer Counseling Groups
An Invitation from the Authors	p. 253
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