Deceived

by Black, Claudia

• ISBN13: 9781592856985
• ISBN10: 1592856985
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-02-24
• Publisher: Hazelden

Summary

Pornography, cybersex, prostitutes, voyeurism, multiple affairs. No matter their "drug" of choice, men who act out sexually leave their partners reeling in fear, rage, incredible shame, and isolation.

Author Biography

Claudia A. Black, M.S.W., PH.D., has received a number of awards and honors for her work in the field of addictive disorders. Her workshops and training seminars are presented worldwide. Black is the author of thirteen books, including Changing Course, It Will Never Happen to Me, and Straight Talk.

Table of Contents

Preface	p. xi
Acknowledgments	p. xiii
Introduction	p. xv
You Are Not Alone	p. 1
Meet the Women of the Lodge	p. 4
Therese	p. 4
Vanessa	p. 7
Jacque	p. 10
Sara	p. 15
Maite	p. 19
Jenny	p. 24
Moving On to Your Journey	p. 27
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 29
In the Face of Truth	p. 31
Denial: Protecting the Illusion	p. 33
Fear and Manipulation	p. 37
Denying, Minimizing, and Rationalizing	p. 39
Preoccupation	p. 42
Control	p. 43
Image Management	p. 45
Distorted Anger	p. 48
Rage	p. 48
Sideways Anger	p. 50
Anger Avoidance	p. 52
Chronic Grief and Loss	p. 53
The Body Knows	p. 56
The Impact of Stress	p. 57
Stress and Serious Illness	p. 59
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 62
His Behavior Is Not About You	p. 63
The Addiction	p. 64
The Behaviors	p. 66
The Science of Addiction	p. 68
The Addictive Cycle	p. 69
Why Am I Not Enough?	p. 73
Multiple Addictions	p. 74
Depression and Anxiety	p. 79
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 82
You Didn't Get Here by Accident	p. 83
Abandonment	p. 84
The Coaddict: Trauma Repetition	p. 85
Sexual Messages	p. 94
The Addict: Reenacting the Wound	p. 98
Shared Codependency	p. 102
Compartmentalizing	p. 106
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 109
Learning the News	p. 111
Disclosure	p. 114
The Dribbling Effect	p. 118
After Disclosure	p. 120
Getting Tested for STDs	p. 121
Being Sexual After Disclosure	p. 123
Should I Stay or Should I Leave?	p. 124
Making the Decision	p. 126
Therapeutic Separation	p. 128
Am I Crazy to Love Him?	p. 131
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 132
What Do You Tell Your Children?	p. 133
Children's Reactions	p. 134
Rationale for Disclosure to Children	p. 137
Appropriate Age	p. 138
Healthy Disclosure	p. 139
A Soft Approach to Disclosure	p. 142
A Direct Approach to Disclosure	p. 144
Recognizing the Complexity	p. 145
Answering Their Questions	p. 146
Ongoing Healing	p. 148
Beyond Disclosure	p. 149
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 152
Your Time to Heal	p. 153
Overcoming the Fear of Feelings	p. 154
Recognizing Yourself in the Grief Process	p. 157
How Long Will It Hurt?	p. 160
Accepting Powerlessness and Recognizing Unmanageability	p. 162
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries	p. 166
Saying No, Saying Yes	p. 169
Early Recovery Boundaries	p. 170
Freeing Yourself from the Mental Frenzy	p. 172
Building Trust	p. 174
Your Sexual Relationship	p. 176
Facing Relapse	p. 179
Asking for Help	p. 181
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 186
Finding Your Serenity	p. 187
Forgiveness	p. 187
False Forgiveness	p. 188
Forgiveness and Recovery	p. 189
Self-forgiveness	p. 195
Spirituality: Where Is Your God?	p. 197
The Spiritual Path	p. 202
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 206
The Women of the Lodge	p. 207
Therese	p. 208
Vanessa	p. 210
Maite	p. 215
Jacque	p. 218
Jenny	p. 222
Sara	p. 226
The Invitation	p. 229
Reflective Thoughts and Questions	p. 232
Recommended Readings	p. 233
Helpful Resources	p. 237
Notes	p. 241
About the Author	p. 245
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