Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly

by Clarkson, Jeremy

• ISBN13: 9781405961424
• ISBN10: 1405961422
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2024-10-29
• Publisher: Penguin
• More Book Details

Summary

Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson

Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm. Since taking the wheel three years ago Jeremy's had his work cut out. And it's now clear from hard-won experience that, when it comes to farming, there's only one golden rule:

Whatever you hope will happen, won't.

Enthusiastic schemes to diversify have met with stubborn opposition from the red trouser brigade, defeat at the hands of Council Planning department, and predictable derision from Kaleb - although, to be fair, even Lisa had doubts about Jeremy's brilliant plan to build a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup. And only Cheerful Charlie is still smiling about the stifling amount of red tape that's incoming . . . But he charges by the hour.

Then there are the animals: the sheep are gone; the cows have been joined by a rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro;. the pigs are making piglets; and the goats have turned out to be psychopaths.

But despite the naysayers and (sometimes self-inflicted) setbacks, Jeremy remains irrepressibly optimistic about life at Diddly Squat. Because It's hard not to be when you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner.

And, after all, it shouldn't just be Break-heart Maestro who gets to enjoy a happy ending . . .

Diddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

Author Biography

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. He was, for many years, the tallest person on television. He now lives on Diddly Squat Farm in Oxfordshire where he is learning to become a farmer.

Table of Contents

Contents

SUMMER
Green-winged testicles 3
Break-Heart Maestro 11
Give my ‘little man’ a call 19

AUTUMN
Three from the sun 29
True heaven is a place on earth 37
A twitcher’s lament 45
David Cameron murdered my tractor 53
I’ve become an eco-farmer –and Kaleb
hates it 61

WINTER
(Lisa is) Armed and dangerous 73
Bleak House 81
Another fine mess 89
Now I am become the Destroyer of Worlds 97
Walking the dog 105

SPRING
Environmental doughnuts 117
A thing that seems very thingish 125
A total pig’s ear of it 133
Lady garden 141
I can’t explain 149

SUMMER
Let them eat soup 159
In praise of goats 167