Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly

by Clarkson, Jeremy

• ISBN13: 9781405961424
• ISBN10: 1405961422
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2024-09-03
• Publisher: Penguin

Summary

Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

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After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming:

whatever you hope will happen, won't.

Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour.

But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bullcalled Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths.

Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic.

Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner?

Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending?

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Readers are loving Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly

‘Another funny book from Jeremy. This one made me chuckle but, my only complaint it's too short. I wanted more. Hopefully Another book is being written as we speak’ ***** Reader Review

‘I love the show and I love the books. Both make me chuckle but have also given me an insight into farming and how hard farming is’ **** Reader Review

‘I’ve read the previous books and loved those as well.
Witty and funny with depth and a bit of seriousness’ **** Reader Review

‘Loved it, quickest book I've ever read. Can't wait for the next Clarkson instalment’ **** Reader Review

Author Biography

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. He was, for many years, the tallest person on television. He now lives on Diddly Squat Farm in Oxfordshire where he is learning to become a farmer.

Table of Contents

Contents

SUMMER
Green-winged testicles 3
Break-Heart Maestro 11
Give my ‘little man’ a call 19

AUTUMN
Three from the sun 29
True heaven is a place on earth 37
A twitcher’s lament 45
David Cameron murdered my tractor 53
I’ve become an eco-farmer –and Kaleb
hates it 61

WINTER
(Lisa is) Armed and dangerous 73
Bleak House 81
Another fine mess 89
Now I am become the Destroyer of Worlds 97
Walking the dog 105

SPRING
Environmental doughnuts 117
A thing that seems very thingish 125
A total pig’s ear of it 133
Lady garden 141
I can’t explain 149

SUMMER
Let them eat soup 159
In praise of goats 167