Different Daughters A Book by Mothers of Lesbians

by Rafkin, Louise

• ISBN13: 9781573441278
• ISBN10: 1573441279
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2001-04-12
• Publisher: Cleis Press

Summary

Coming out to mom is a lesbian rite of passage. In the third edition of this landmark anthology, twenty-nine remarkable women face their fears and confusion, prejudice and misunderstanding and speak honestly and bravely about the difficulties and joys of life with their 'different duaghters.' Among the topics of discussion are family, community, religion, grandchildren, bisexuality, transgenderism, and coming out, and raises questions shared by all mothers: How can we accept our children as who they are? How can we love our children even when they are different from us?

Author Biography

Louise Rafkin is the author of Other People’s Dirt and the editor of Different Mothers. She has been a commentator for NPR's All Things Considered and has written for Out Magazine. Her articles and essays appear frequently in the New York Times, Health Magazine, and Metropolitan Home. She lives in Oakland, CA.

Table of Contents

Introduction to the Third Edition	9	(8)
A Merry-Go-Round	17	(5)
Fran Harris
From a Trunk to a Soapbox: An Update	22	(3)
Fran ``Harris'' Salen
A Place at the Table	25	(6)
Mary Dugan
Choices and Surprises	31	(3)
Leticia Wiley
From Hermit Crabs to Hampsters	34	(4)
Hazel Brickman
A Tradition of Strength	38	(3)
Doris Thompson
Movement and Change	41	(6)
Lois Young-Tulin
After the Initial Shock	47	(5)
Rhoda Rafkin
After Different Daughters: An Update---and Agian!	52	(3)
Rhoda
Ruth
``Bi'' Understanding	55	(6)
Marsha Buck
The Silt of a River	61	(6)
Jane Allen
Our Separate Lives	67	(9)
Ginger
Katheryn
Of Prejudice and Acceptance	76	(4)
Maria Garcia
The Odd Man Out	80	(4)
Deborah
Yom Kippur	84	(4)
Ann ``Landau'' Dawson
No Magic Wand	88	(7)
Jane Ferguson
A Very Public Statement	95	(8)
Rheba Fontenot
Ways of Knowing and Not Knowing	103	(2)
Pauline Johnson
A Fashion Crisis	105	(6)
Alice Wong
Another Kind of Different	111	(3)
Raquel J.
A Second Chance	114	(6)
Darlene Palmer
Towards a Bright Future	120	(4)
Laura
``Winnetka Matron Testifies for Gay Rights''	124	(3)
Dorothy A. Tollifson
Like Daughter, Like Mother	127	(4)
Jean Cameron
A Two-Way Street	131	(3)
Grace
Here, and There	134	(3)
Juanita Rios
``Girlfriends!''	137	(3)
Erin Findlay
Taming the Devils Within	140	(4)
Diane Rae
Finding My Way Through the Woods	144	(5)
Margaret Smith
Purple Balloons on Market Street	149	(9)
Constance Shepard Jolly
Let's Talk About...Lesbian Sexuality?!	158	(4)
Lee Price
A Sister's Story	162	(5)
Sue Fingerhut
Suggestions and Resources	167	(2)
About the Editor	169

Excerpts

"In hindsight, I can see that though I may have initially thought I was writing Different Daughters for other women, this book was crucial to my own journey toward familial acceptance. It was simple: I wanted my mother to love and accept me, and I started from the top, addressing what I thought was the most difficult block to that goal. Now I see my lesbianism more as a part of my life, part of the package of who I am and why my mother and I get along and, only rarely, why we don’t. It hasn’t always been an easy to full acceptance, yet through our struggles we have grown to love each other more deeply and, most importantly, really know each other. I am forever grateful to my mother for her bravery and for simply sticking it out and doing the work of changing.

Still, though we’ve taken huge strides, individually and collectively, there is work to be done, even in areas of my own life, which has taken some unexpected turns. My partner of six years died suddenly last year. On top of the unbelievable and overwhelming pain of this loss, I now find myself in a battle with members of her family over her life—our life. Although during her life they acknowledge our relationship, in her death they have chosen to denounce our partnership. Painfully, our commitment will most probably be debated by a cour jury. WE lesbians have won some battles, but on many levels we are still unprotected and vulnerable to a system that doesn’t yet legally recognize our love.

I hope someday there will no longer be a need for this book. Until that time arrives, I am happy that my optimistically undertaken, youthful project may help those seeking comfort and understanding. I continue to believe that love over-comes prejudice, that love us the most important thing we either give or receive, and—finally—that love makes love.”