Divorce Without Court: A Guide to Mediation & Collaborative Divorce

by Stoner, Katherine E.

• ISBN13: 9781413317138
• ISBN10: 1413317138
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2012-07-31
• Publisher: Ingram Pub Services

Summary

Divorcing? Get the essential information on how to end a marriage fairly and inexpensively. Can you really have a civilized divorce? Ending a marriage is always difficult, but it need not be defined by financial or emotional conflict. Avoid huge legal bills and jockeying lawyers while protecting your kids -- turn to Divorce Without Courtfor help. The book guides you through a negotiated divorce, using divorce mediation, or an increasingly popular approach called "collaborative divorce." Encouraging and straightforward, Divorce Without Courtexplains: . how mediation works . how collaborative divorce works . how to use either to end a marriage . how to maximize opportunities for settlement . how to get an agreement in writing . how to find and use advisors Divorce Without Courtprovides the latest resources, contact information for state offices, national and regional organizations, and clear examples of what you can expect. This edition has been revised to reflect the most current trends in mediation, collaborative practice, and divorce law.

Author Biography

Katherine E. Stoner is an attorney and mediator in private practice in Pacific Grove, California. She teaches community property law at Monterey College of Law and has lectured extensively on family law, mediation and collaborative divorce.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. 1
Why Mediate or Collaborate? Consider the Alternative	p. 3
Divorce Decision Continuum	p. 6
Why Mediation or Collaboration Can Be Your Best Option	p. 7
Getting the Most Out of This Book	p. 8
Definitions	p. 10
The Role of Mediation and Collaborative Law in the Divorce Process	p. 13
The Four Divorces	p. 15
Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce	p. 25
Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce	p. 27
Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce	p. 37
Mediation and Collaboration: A Different Way to Divorce	p. 38
What Happens in Mediation	p. 39
An Overview of Mediation	p. 40
Introductory Stage	p. 43
Information-Gathering Stage	p. 48
Framing Stage	p. 54
Negotiating Stage	p. 57
Concluding Stage	p. 62
Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran's Mediation	p. 65
What Happens in a Collaborative Divorce	p. 67
An Overview of Collaborative Divorce	p. 68
Introductory Stage	p. 73
Information-Gathering Stage	p. 79
Framing Stage	p. 82
Negotiating Stage	p. 85
Concluding Stage	p. 87
Assessing the Cost of Cole and Traci's Collaborative Divorce	p. 90
Traci and Cole's Divorce Agreement	p. 92
Deciding to Mediate or Collaborate	p. 99
Is Mediation or Collaboration Right for You?	p. 100
It Takes Two to Tango	p. 113
Comparing Mediation and Collaborative Divorce	p. 113
Making Your Choice	p. 120
Proposing Mediation or Collaboration	p. 123
When to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	p. 124
Who Should Propose Mediation or Collaboration?	p. 130
How to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	p. 132
Dos and Don'ts of Proposing Mediation or Collaboration	p. 136
Sample Letter Proposing Mediation	p. 140
Sample Letter Proposing Collaborative Divorce	p. 142
Finding a Mediator	p. 145
Shortcut to Finding the Right Mediator	p. 146
Qualified Mediators: What to Look For	p. 147
Finding the Right Fit	p. 153
Who Provides Mediation Services	p. 160
Making a List of Potential Mediators	p. 164
Checking It Twice: Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators	p. 165
Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator	p. 167
Finding a Collaborative Attorney	p. 169
Shortcut to Finding the Right Collaborative Attorney	p. 170
Qualified Attorneys: What to Look For	p. 171
Finding the Right Fit	p. 174
Making a List of Potential Lawyers	p. 181
Checking It Twice: Screening and Interviewing Potential Lawyers	p. 181
Interviewing and Selecting a Collaborative Lawyer	p. 182
Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research	p. 187
How and When to Use Advisers in Mediation	p. 189
Friends, Romans, and Countrymen	p. 193
Legal Adviser	p. 194
Counselor	p. 204
Financial Adviser	p. 208
Specialized Advisers	p. 213
Coordinating Your Advisers	p. 215
Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off	p. 216
Getting Started on Information Gathering	p. 223
Step One: Remember Vital Statistics	p. 225
Step Two: Assess Your Children's Needs	p. 225
Step Three: Locate and Copy Important Documents	p. 227
Step Four: Inventory Your Assets and Debts	p. 229
Step Five: Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget	p. 234
Step Six: Pause to Reflect	p. 241
Preparing for and Making the Most of the First Session	p. 243
Getting Ready	p. 244
Mediator Approaches and Styles	p. 252
Mediator Neutrality and Bias	p. 258
Confidentiality of the Mediation	p. 260
Agreement to Mediate	p. 261
Take Time to Make Notes	p. 261
Evaluating Your Progress in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	p. 263
Evaluating the Decision to Mediate or Use Collaborative Divorce	p. 264
Monitoring Your Progress	p. 267
Communicating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	p. 269
What Is Communication?	p. 271
What Can Go Wrong in Communications?	p. 271
Tips for Good Communication	p. 272
Tips for Communicating About Problems	p. 276
Handling Strong Emotions in Communication	p. 279
Negotiating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce	p. 287
We Negotiate All the Time	p. 289
What Makes for a Successful Negotiation?	p. 290
Prepare for the Negotiation	p. 311
Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully	p. 317
Court-Sponsored Mediation	p. 319
Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs	p. 321
How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works	p. 323
Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not?	p. 325
Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out	p. 327
If You Can't Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation	p. 329
Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation	p. 330
Attending the Mediation Session	p. 334
After the Mediation Session	p. 337
Encountering Difficulties in Mediation and Collaboration	p. 339
Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties	p. 341
Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience	p. 343
Delays and Disconnects	p. 343
Tantrums and Other "Bad" Behavior	p. 346
Extreme Discomfort in Mediation	p. 348
Impasse: Negotiation Hits a Brick Wall	p. 349
Last-Minute Changes and Demands	p. 353
Dealing With Persistent Problems	p. 354
Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges	p. 357
Where There's a Will, There's a Way	p. 358
Writing Up the Agreement	p. 361
Interim or Temporary Agreements	p. 363
Partial Agreements	p. 363
Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing?	p. 364
Writing Up the Final Settlement and Finalizing Your Divorce	p. 366
Women and Men in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce	p. 373
Historical Background	p. 374
Gender and Mandatory Mediation	p. 376
Gender and Voluntary Mediation	p. 377
Common Gender-Related Obstacles	p. 377
Unmarried Couples in Mediation and Collaboration	p. 385
Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls	p. 388
Successful Mediation or Collaborative Separation	p. 392
Mediation and Collaboration After Divorce	p. 397
Dealing With Changes in the Divorce Agreement	p. 398
If You Decide to Mediate	p. 400
If You Decide to Collaborate	p. 401
Mediating New Relationship Issues	p. 402
Appendix	p. 409
Index	p. 443
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.