Divorced Dad's Survival Book How To Stay Connected With Your Kids

by Knox, David; Leggett, Kermit

• ISBN13: 9780738203171
• ISBN10: 0738203173
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-08-18
• Publisher: Balance

Summary

The Divorced Dad's Survival Book: How to Stay Connected with Your Kids shows how to navigate the process of getting a divorce so as to minimize the negative impact on one's children. The goal of the book is to show how fathers can use the divorce to improve their relationship with their kids. David Knox, a divorced father of two, presents a book designed to show fathers how to replace the fear of losing their children with insightful knowledge of what the children may be experiencing during the divorce and offers specific suggestions on maintaining and improving relations with them. The father-child relationship cannot only survive but also triumph over divorce through conscious and deliberate planning and execution.

Author Biography

A marriage and family therapist and Professor of Sociology at East Carolina University, Dr. David Knox is also the author or co-author of ten books including Choices in Relationships and How to Be Your Own Family Therapist. He lives with his second wife and stepdaughter in North Carolina.

Table of Contents

Foreword	xi
Preface	xiii
Introduction and Overview	1	(8)
Act Now	9	(16)
Real Men Have Feelings, Too	10
The Road Ahead: Stages of a Divorced Father's Life	2	(15)
Roadblocks to the Divorced Father's Relationship with His Children	17	(3)
Perseverance Will Pay Off	20	(1)
Action You Should Take Now	21	(4)
Understand Your Children's Perspective	25	(16)
Breaking the News	26	(1)
Feelings Children Typically Have about Their Parents' Divorce	27	(4)
Things You Can't Change	31	(3)
Things You Can Do to Help	34	(5)
Conclusion	39	(2)
Be Your Own Cognitive Therapist	41	(12)
Taking Control of Your Perspective	43	(4)
Dealing with Social Contexts	47	(1)
Focus on the Advantages	48	(2)
Let Go of Past Mistakes	50	(1)
Conclusion	51	(2)
What to Do and Not Do when Your Children Are with You	53	(22)
Handling Visitation	57	(6)
What to Do when Your Children Are with You	63	(2)
What to Do when Your Child Asks	65	(3)
What Not to Do when Your Children Are with You	68	(5)
Conclusion	73	(2)
What to Do and Not Do When Your Children Are with Their Mother	75	(12)
Refocus when Children Are Away	76	(1)
What to Do when Your Children Are with Their Mother	77	(5)
What Not to Do when Your Children Are with Their Mother	82	(3)
Conclusion	85	(2)
How to Interact with Your Former Spouse	87	(14)
Your Former Wife's Reaction to the Divorce	87	(4)
Relationships with Former Wives	91	(4)
Take the High Ground when Possible	95	(1)
Communicating with Your Former Wife	96	(2)
When Your Former Spouse Abandons the Children	98	(1)
Postdivorce Prevention Programs for Divorced Spouses	99	(1)
Conclusion	100	(1)
Attempt to Mediate Your Differences with Your Former Wife	101	(18)
Divorce Mediation	101	(2)
Benefits of Divorce Mediation	103	(4)
When Divorce Mediation Will Not Work	107	(2)
Issues of Divorce Mediation	109	(3)
Rules Divorce Mediators Play By	112	(2)
Example of an Agreement Couples Sign before Mediation Begins	114	(1)
Example of a Mediated Agreement	115	(1)
Conclusion	116	(3)
Settle Your Differences in Court if You Must	119	(20)
Legal Hardball Dos and Don'ts	119	(7)
How Much Legal Access to Your Children Do You Want?	126	(3)
If You Want Primary Physical Custody	129	(2)
If You Want Joint Custody	131	(7)
Conclusion	138	(1)
Give Your Children Time to Accept Your New Partner	139	(8)
When You Fall in Love with a New Partner but Your Children Don't	140	(4)
Issues to Consider in the Meantime	144	(1)
It Happens: The Ex Says, ``The Children Can't Visit if She's There''	145	(1)
Conclusion	146	(1)
For the New Partner---by the New Partner	147	(22)
Know What You're Getting Into	148	(4)
Being a Supportive Partner	152	(7)
Building a Relationship with His Children	159	(7)
Dos	166	(1)
Don'ts	166	(1)
Hope Ahead	167	(2)
Gay Dads	169	(14)
Who Are Gay Fathers?	169	(1)
How Many Gay Dads Are There?	170	(1)
Coming Out to the Wife	171	(1)
Coming Out to the Children	172	(5)
Custody and Visitation Issues for Gay Dads	177	(4)
Conclusion	181	(2)
Remarriage---for You and Your Children's Mother	183	(14)
When You Remarry	183	(2)
Before You Remarry	185	(3)
Children's Views on Remarriage	188	(4)
The Remarriage of Your Former Spouse	192	(1)
Stages toward Feeling Like a Family Again	193	(2)
Conclusion	195	(2)
The Importance of Staying Connected with Your Children	197	(16)
The Devaluation of Fathers	197	(2)
How Having a Father Is Beneficial to Children	199	(6)
How Fathering and Mothering Differ	205	(4)
The Need for New Social Policies	209	(4)
Some Tips on Fathering	213	(14)
A Profile of Divorced Fathers	213	(3)
Four Facts about Fatherhood	216	(1)
Four Different Parenting Styles	217	(1)
Eight Needs of Children	218	(4)
Guidelines to Improving Your Child's Behavior	222	(3)
When Dads Must Find Day Care	225	(2)
Conclusion: The Choice of Every Dad	227	(2)
Endnotes	229	(10)
Appendix I. Legal Terms	239	(2)
Appendix II. Legal Specification of Visitation Rights	241	(4)
Appendix III. An Open Letter to Judges	245	(2)
Appendix IV. National and International Listing of Attorneys, Mediators, and Custody Evaluators	247	(96)
Appendix V. Resources and Websites	343	(4)
Index	347