The Dog Ate My Resume Survival Tips for Life After College

by Arnstein, Zack; Arnstein, Larry

• ISBN13: 9781891661372
• ISBN10: 189166137X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-04-01
• Publisher: Santa Monica Press

Summary

Celebrating a rite of passage for many into adult life, this hilarious book offers tongue-in-cheek observations on making life choices for recent college graduates, their friends and families, and anyone who faces the bewildering questionWhat do I want to do with my life?The father-son writing team offers comical commentary and surprisingly realistic advice on getting a job, choosing a career path, making decisions about living at home or in an apartment, and, above all, crafting an impressive personal update for the alumni magazine. Suggestions address common transitional challenges such as faking a go-getter attitude and determining who willreallygive a good letter of recommendation.

Author Biography

Zack Arnstein recently graduated from college and is working on his resume. Larry Arnstein has written for the television shows Saturday Night Live and Not Necessarily the News, for which he won two Writers Guild of America awards. They both live in Santa Monica, California.

Table of Contents

Introduction	8	(1)
Section One: Plundering the Resources at Your College	9	(34)
Not the Introduction	10	(3)
Making Your Major Your Springboard to the Future	13	(2)
The Career Guidance Center: Finding It, or Are You Prepared for the Next Exciting Chapter in Your Life?	15	(4)
Identifying, Finding and Cornering Your Faculty Advisor	19	(2)
Keys to Graduating: Completing Your Course Work and Alternate Suggestions	21	(1)
Job Fairs: Bring Your Own Booze, but in a Plain Brown Bag	21	(1)
Winning Interview Techniques: Developing a Go-Getter Attitude, or at Least Faking One	21	(133)
Staying in School for Advanced Studies: Grad School, or Just Refusing to Leave Your Dorm	154
Resume Do's and Don'ts: A Few Years in Prison for a Felony is Not Necessarily a Bad Thing	30	(3)
Letters of Recommendation: 10 Ways to Find Out Who Will Give You a Good One	33	(6)
Surviving Graduation Day: You Are the Future---Stop Slouching	39	(4)
A Few Final Words of Encouragement	42	(1)
Section Two: Leaving College---Your Personal Journey Through Hell	43	(42)
Inspirational Quotes	44	(3)
Prioritizing Your Decision-Making: What is the Meaning of Life, or Where Will I Sleep Tonight?	47	(3)
Navigating and Guiding Your Family Discussions About What You Will Do After College, Including Good Answers to the Big Question---Truthful and Otherwise	50	(7)
Networking (With All Your Slacker Friends)	57	(5)
Your Own Apartment vs. Living at Home: Comparing Apples and Oranges (Both of Which Are Only Available at Home)	62	(8)
Managing Your Finances: How Many Credit Cards is Not Enough?	70	(3)
A Word About Pets (Avoid)	73	(3)
You Don't Have Time to Read This Chapter	76	(1)
Navigating and Guiding Your Family Discussions About What Your Child Will Do After College---A Study Guide for Parents (Students: Skip This at Your Own Risk)	77	(4)
Essential Real World Survivor Skills, or How to Get Selected to Be on The Real World or Survivor	81	(1)
A Tourist's Guide to the Real World: Knowing How You're Doing Without Grades	81	(4)
Section Three: Choosing a Career by Process of Elimination	85	(54)
Career Elimination Exercise	86	(2)
The Military: Getting Accepted into the Military Services is Not That Difficult!	88	(4)
Fabulous Careers, or Careers in Fabulousness	92
Law: You Don't Have to Be a Lawyer to Make a Living Suing Other People!	54	(42)
Careers in Computers: Fatal Error E06#58647 Has Occurred	96	(3)
Education: Long Summer Vacations, Plus the Chance to Make Someone as Miserable as Your Teachers Made You	99	(3)
A Career in Law Enforcement: Do You Have Any Idea How Fast You Were Reading?	102	(4)
Careers in Psychology & Counseling: Hanging Around with People Even More Screwed Up Than You	106	(4)
A Career in Show Business	110	(4)
Starting a Band: Why Not Just Roll Around Naked on Broken Glass?	114	(6)
Professional Sports: Pros and Cons of Leaving College Before You've Completed All Four Years of Remedial Reading	120	(3)
Dream Jobs: Getting Paid for What You Do Anyway	123	(3)
Crime: The Most Lucrative Profession for Which There Are No Formal Requirements	126	(3)
Careers in Religion: Buy 10 More Copies of This Book and Your Sins Are Forgiven	129	(4)
A Career in Editing: Do We Really Need This Chapter?	133	(6)
Mid Term Exam	135	(4)
Section Four: Choosing a Real Job on the Basis of What You Can Actually Get	139	(34)
Not Peaking Too Soon	140
Bartending: Listening to Drunks, but This Time Getting Paid for It	27	(116)
Internships: Why Settle for Underpaid When You Can Be Not Paid at All?	143	(4)
Doing Nothing	147	(4)
Waiting Tables: It's Not Rocket Science, but the Tips are Better	151	(7)
Winning the Lottery: Somebody Has to Win, Why Not You?	158	(3)
Messenger Service: At Least You're Not in Some Office	161	(1)
Begging: Being Your Own Boss While Working Outdoors---It Could Be Worse	161	(3)
Telemarketing: Could Not Be Worse	164
Temp Work: Not So Great, but It's Only Temporary!	118	(48)
The Classifieds: Now You're Desperate	166	(3)
Online Job Searching: You Can Be Humiliated in the Comfort of Your Own Home	169	(2)
Careers in Research: Body Parts You Can Live Without	171	(2)
Section Five: Community Service: If All Else Fails, Help the Needy	173	(8)
The Peace Corps: 10 Diseases You've Never Even Heard Of	174	(1)
AmeriCorps: 10 Lethal Weapons You've Never Heard Of	175	(1)
Making the World a Better Place, or at Least Cleaning Your Apartment	176	(5)
Final Exam	178	(3)
Appendix	181	(7)
Full Life Experience Check List	182	(2)
How to Succeed in Life: Writing Impressive Class Notes for the Alumni Magazine	184	(3)
The Individually Customized, Nondenominationally Specific Holiday Networking Card Template	187	(1)
Index	188