Emotional Infidelity

by NEUMAN, M. GARY

• ISBN13: 9780609810002
• ISBN10: 0609810006
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Trade Paper
• Copyright: 2002-09-24
• Publisher: Harmony

Summary

What's holding you back from a great marriage? "I don't believe in 'okay,' 'decent,' or 'solid' marriages. I'm against them," says M. Gary Neuman. "I believe only in great marriages, and that you should expect and reach for no less." In the last fifteen years, M. Gary Neuman, marital therapist and architect of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, has helped thousands of couples in crisis. Couples who fight. Who've grown apart. Who are stuck in relationships that run more on routine and rancor than love and understanding. What he's found is that, contrary to popular belief, the problem is usually not poor communication. It's the failure to put most of your focus into your marriage. You've only got so much energy. Are you spending it by being emotionally unfaithful? Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at workbut not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don't feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkersthinking it's safe because you know it's not going any further? If so, you're committing emotional infidelityand you're draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great. Learning how to break this cycle is one of eleven secrets M. Gary Neuman shares in his provocative new book. Based on the ten-week program he's developed in his successful couples counseling practice, the book offers guidelines that are often counterintuitive, even outrageous or shocking. But they work. Dare to limit contact with members of the opposite sex. Dare to need each other. Dare to put in writing the nitty-gritty realities of a marriage plan. Dare to put your marriage before your kids or job. Dare to make love in a whole new way. Dare to change your focus: make the commitment to focus on each of the eleven secrets (ten plus one bonus secret) for one week apiece and you'll reap the rewards of a transformed marriage and a reconfirmed relationship. M. Gary Neuman's program is guaranteed to challenge you and make you reexamine the myths holding you back from true happiness and satisfaction. It will change your marriage forever. From the Hardcover edition.

Author Biography

M. GARY NEUMAN is a family mediator, Florida state-licensed mental health counselor, and author of <b>Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce</b> the <b>Sandcastles Way</b>. He maintains a private practice in Miami, Florida, where he sees adults, children, and families. He also tours the country, speaking about marital and family issues. He and his work have been featured on The Oprah Show, Today, The View, and National Public Radio, in People and Time, and elsewhere. He lives with his wife and five children in Miami Beach, Florida. <br><br><br><i>From the Hardcover edition.</i>

Excerpts

How Great Is Your Marriage? Answer the following fifteen questions, then tabulate your responses to find out how your marriage stacks up. 1. Your spouse has gained ten pounds and says to you, "I've really put on a few pounds lately." You would say: A. "You could lose some weight. Since you brought it up, I'll admit that it's kind of a turn-off." B. "C'mon, you look great!" C. "Actually, I was wondering if you were in some sort of eating Olympics." D. "If you'd like, let's find a diet together. We could both use a healthier eating plan." 2. You receive a promotion or some other great news. You would immediately: A. Tell your spouse before anyone else. B. Tell your friends/colleagues, then celebrate with them. C. Tell the person you are hoping to have an affair with. D. Tell your mother. 3. A sexy person is flirting with you. You would: A. Flirt back, feel great, and say, "I hope we talk soon." B. Excuse yourself immediately because you remembered you "have an appointment." C. Excuse yourself by saying, "Excuse me, but my spouse just beeped me and we have plans." D. Flirt back and then ask this person to join you for coffee. 4. It's 9:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night, and you've just finished putting the kids to bed after a full day's work. You would: A. Turn on the television set and "zone out." B. Ask your spouse to join you for some quiet timereading together in bed, taking a walk, or hanging out in the living room. C. Make lunches and clean the kitchen with your spouse. D. Leave to go to the board meeting for the organization you volunteer for. 5. You've just had a fight with your spouse. The first person you would discuss it with is: A. Your sibling. B. Your opposite-sex colleague. C. Your friend. D. Your spouse. 6. When a topic arises that you think your spouse and you will disagree on, you would: A. Only discuss it when you think your spouse is in a good mood so you won't blow up at each other. B. Act on your opinion and then tell your spouse. C. Open the topic up for discussion with your spouse while keeping an open mind. D. Avoid discussing it at all costs. 7. On an average week, you spend ____ hour(s) talking, having fun, or spending some enjoyable time alone with your spouse. A. Over seven. B. Between four and seven. C. Between one and three. D. Less than one. 8. When you think of your sexual relationship with your spouse, you think: A. It's loving and getting better. We really connect. B. It's boring. C. What sex? D. It's usually nice, and at times it's special. 9. The last time we were on a vacation alone for two nights or more was: A. Before we had kids. B. Within the last six months. C. Within the last year. D. Over a year ago. 10. When you think of your spouse, you primarily think: A. We deserve each other's craziness. B. He/she tries hard to be a good spouse. I feel we can get over the bumps. C. How did I end up with him/her? D. He/she is loving and sensitive and has a lot of goodness. 11. Your childhood was: A. Some good/some struggle, but you're not sure how it has affected who you are. B. Just about perfect. C. Some good/some struggle, and you can see some of the ways it has affected who you are. D. Some good/some struggle, but you can't think about it. 12. Your spouse would say that you: A. Really understand him/her and know what he/she needs to feel loved. B. Have little understanding of who he/she is but are willing to