Emotional Intelligence For Dummies

by Stein, Steven J.

• ISBN13: 9780470157329
• ISBN10: 0470157321
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-07-14
• Publisher: For Dummies

Summary

Take control of your emotions to achieve success in the workplace and happiness at homeBeing aware of and able to control your emotions is oneof the keys to success in life, both professionally and personally. This friendly guide will help you to understand your feelings and how you can manage them, instead ofhaving them control you. Through practical, proven techniques and helpful exercises, you'll discover how you can increase your confidence, build stronger relationships with your partner, family, and colleagues, and find authentic happiness.Manage your emotions - identify your feelings, determine whatbeliefs cause negative emotions, and stop self-destructive behaviorsDiscover the power of empathy - read other people's emotions through facial cues and body language and show them you understand their feelingsThrive at work - find a job that's right for you, overcome hassles and fears, and develop your leadership skillsBuild and sustain meaningful relationships - discover how to take your partner's emotional temperature and manage emotions to grow closerRaise an emotionally intelligent child - keep your cool with your child, coax shy children out of their shells, and get your child to be less aggressive and defiant"I suspect Emotional Intelligence For Dummies will motivate you to adopt a broader view of what it means to be smart, and you will find yourself further developing the emotional skills that allow you to lead a more satisfying life."Peter Salovey, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Yale UniversityOpen the book and find:The science behind emotional intelligenceExercises to help you turn negative emotions positiveWays to diffuse tense situationsHow to improve your performance at workWhy emotionally intelligent workplaces are more productiveThe four keys to a lasting relationshipWhat battles are worth fighting - and when to keep quietHow to help your child become emotionally aware

Author Biography

Steven J. Stein, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and CEO of Multi-Health Systems (MHS), a leading international test publishing company. A leading expert on psychological assessment and emotional intelligence, he has consulted to military and government agencies, including the U.S. Air Force, Army, and Navy; special units of the Pentagon; and the FBI Academy; as well as corporate organizations, including American Express, Canyon Ranch, and professional sports teams.

Table of Contents

Foreword	p. xix
Introduction	p. 1
About Emotional Intelligence For Dummies	p. 2
Foolish Assumptions	p. 3
Conventions Used in This Book	p. 3
What You Don't Have to Read	p. 3
How This Book Is Organized	p. 4
There's a New Kind of Intelligence in Town	p. 4
The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence	p. 4
Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work	p. 5
Using Emotional Intelligence at Home	p. 6
The Part of Tens	p. 6
Icons Used in This Book	p. 7
Where to Go from Here	p. 7
There's a New Kind of Intelligence in Town	p. 9
Feeling Smart	p. 11
Defining Emotional Intelligence	p. 11
Getting a Handle on Your Emotions	p. 13
Understanding the Emotions of Others	p. 15
Influencing a person's emotions	p. 17
Following the Golden Rule	p. 18
Applying Emotional Intelligence at Work	p. 19
The benefits of emotional intelligence at work	p. 19
The advantages of an emotionally intelligent workplace	p. 20
Pursuing Successful Family Interactions	p. 22
Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence	p. 23
Measuring Emotional Intelligence	p. 23
Feeling, Thinking, and Behaving Like an Emotionally Intelligent Person	p. 26
Feeling like an emotionally intelligent person	p. 26
Thinking like an emotionally intelligent person	p. 27
Behaving like an emotionally intelligent person	p. 29
Recognizing an Emotionally Unintelligent Person	p. 30
Finding Happiness	p. 33
Defining Happiness	p. 33
Understanding the benefits of being happy	p. 35
Changing your emotions	p. 36
Addressing problems with optimism	p. 37
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses	p. 38
Finding Authentic Happiness	p. 39
The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence	p. 41
Investigating the Science Behind Emotional Intelligence	p. 43
Understanding the Difference between Emotional Intelligence and IQ	p. 44
Knowing How Your Emotions Affect You	p. 45
Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence	p. 47
Understanding how EQ tests work	p. 49
Understanding how EQ tests work compared to personality tests	p. 54
Differentiating Personality from Emotional Skills	p. 55
Tracking personality across the life span	p. 56
Changing your emotional intelligence	p. 57
Becoming More Aware of Your Emotions	p. 61
Defining Feelings	p. 62
Identifying Your Emotions	p. 64
Digging Deeper into Your Emotions	p. 66
Interpreting behaviors	p. 67
Examining self-destructive behaviors	p. 68
Understanding body language	p. 71
Reading your emotions through other people	p. 74
Changing Negative Emotions	p. 75
Recognizing negative emotions	p. 76
Using the ABCDE theory of emotions	p. 77
Managing Your Emotions	p. 79
Okay, I Feel Sad, Mad, or Bad-Now What?	p. 79
Using cognitive restructuring	p. 80
Methods of distraction	p. 83
Relaxation, meditation, and similar activities	p. 84
How mindfulness works	p. 88
Working Your Way Out of a Bad Situation	p. 89
Short-term approaches	p. 89
Long-term solutions	p. 91
Changing Your Emotions for the Better	p. 91
Recognizing the importance of practice	p. 92
Developing a positive psychology	p. 93
Understanding Empathy	p. 95
Knowing the Difference between Empathy and Sympathy	p. 96
Beginning with you, not I	p. 96
Knowing why the difference is important	p. 96
Reading Other People's Emotions	p. 99
Walking in the other person's moccasins	p. 101
Starting with what they say	p. 102
Understanding what their faces tell you	p. 102
Decoding body language	p. 104
Showing People You Understand Their Feelings	p. 104
Checking in	p. 105
Getting confirmation	p. 105
Exploring Situations in Which Empathy Can Really Help You	p. 106
Strengthening intimate relationships	p. 107
Understanding friends and relatives	p. 108
Dealing with tense situations that involve strangers	p. 109
Managing Other People's Emotions	p. 111
Changing How You React to Others	p. 112
Being aware of your gut reaction	p. 112
Working through alternative responses	p. 113
Managing Other People's Emotions	p. 114
Identifying where other people are coming from	p. 116
Establishing a realistic alternative behavior	p. 117
Getting a person to want to change	p. 118
Encountering Obnoxious People	p. 119
Determining your best outcome with a difficult person	p. 120
Developing techniques for dealing with difficult people	p. 121
Dealing with Difficult Friends and Relatives	p. 123
Start with the endgame	p. 123
Getting to the relationship you want	p. 125
Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work	p. 127
Dealing with Difficult Workplace Situations	p. 129
Having Feelings at Work?	p. 130
Getting in touch with your feelings at work	p. 130
Getting control of your emotions	p. 131
Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Worst at Work	p. 133
Tackling hassles	p. 134
Coping with fears	p. 136
Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Best at Work	p. 137
Managing the Emotions of Others at Work	p. 140
Succeeding Through Emotional Intelligence	p. 143
Finding the Right Job	p. 144
Testing interests, personality, and intelligence	p. 144
What EQ can add to the job equation	p. 147
Assessing Your Work Life	p. 150
Understanding that you are what you feel	p. 150
Knowing whether your job feels right	p. 151
Getting a feel for what you do best	p. 152
Improving Your Performance When Working with People	p. 154
Knowing whether you're a people person	p. 154
Dealing effectively with people at work	p. 156
Improving Your Performance When Working Alone	p. 157
Knowing whether you prefer to work alone	p. 157
Getting better at working alone	p. 158
Influencing People at Work	p. 159
Using empathy to make your sale	p. 160
Understanding assertiveness	p. 161
Becoming a Better Team Player	p. 162
Understanding work teams	p. 163
Fitting in on a team	p. 163
Helping your teammates	p. 164
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader	p. 167
Getting Others to Do Things at Work	p. 168
Deciding whether you want to be a manager	p. 168
Getting someone to listen to you	p. 169
Eliciting cooperative behavior from others	p. 170
Leading Other People	p. 172
Defining an effective workplace leader	p. 174
Knowing your leadership skills	p. 177
Knowing your leadership weaknesses	p. 178
Knowing whether you're fit to be a workplace leader	p. 179
Rising to the occasion of good leadership	p. 180
Creating an Emotionally Intelligent Workplace	p. 183
Defining the Emotionally Intelligent Workplace	p. 184
Looking at the typical workplace	p. 185
Looking at an emotionally intelligent workplace	p. 187
Determining Whether Your Workplace Is Emotionally Intelligent	p. 189
Documenting your workplace strengths	p. 190
Cataloging areas for improvement	p. 191
Knowing whether your workplace is emotionally intelligent	p. 192
Managing the Work-Life Balancing Act	p. 193
Knowing your values	p. 194
Looking at your work time	p. 195
Looking at your life time	p. 197
How you can balance work and life	p. 198
Creating Emotionally Intelligent Teams	p. 198
Defining a work team	p. 199
Understanding what makes teams work	p. 200
Increasing the emotional intelligence of your teams	p. 201
Making Your Workplace More Emotionally Intelligent	p. 202
Starting with you	p. 202
Influencing your co-workers	p. 203
Managing your manager	p. 204
Taking it to the top	p. 205
Getting Through College with Emotional Intelligence	p. 207
Why So Many Students Don't Make It Through the First Year of College	p. 208
Looking at school grades and SATs	p. 208
We're not in Kansas anymore: Welcome to college	p. 209
Problems that first-year students encounter	p. 210
Preparing to deal with emotional and social issues	p. 211
Warning Signs of College Derailment	p. 212
Adjusting to the first year of college	p. 213
How to know when your first year isn't going well	p. 214
Suggestions to Get Back On Track	p. 214
Identifying possible problems	p. 215
Taking stock of your resources	p. 216
Getting into action mode	p. 217
Knowing Your Long-Term Objectives	p. 218
Cataloging strengths	p. 219
Identifying your strengths and weaknesses	p. 220
Setting long-term goals	p. 221
Achieving long-term goals	p. 222
Using Emotional Intelligence at Home	p. 223
Creating Emotionally Intelligent Relationships	p. 225
Assessing Your Intimate Relationship	p. 226
Understanding why emotional intelligence matters in a relationship	p. 226
Rating your relationship	p. 227
Understanding How Your Emotions Affect the Relationship	p. 230
Emotions: The glue of relationships	p. 231
How emotions help you grow together	p. 232
Why emotions sometimes grow apart	p. 233
Understanding and Managing Your Partner's Emotions	p. 234
Taking your partner's emotional temperature	p. 235
Knowing where to start managing your partner's emotions	p. 235
Pushing the limit of managing your partner's emotions	p. 237
Using Your Emotional Skills in Your Relationship	p. 238
Taking your own emotional temperature	p. 238
Knowing what battles are worth fighting	p. 239
Knowing when to hold your tongue	p. 240
Using empathy to enhance your relationship	p. 241
Building Emotionally Healthy Social Relationships	p. 242
Using your emotional skills in social relationships	p. 242
Finding the right balance of emotional and social skills	p. 243
Parenting with Emotional Intelligence	p. 245
How Intelligent People Become Emotionally Unintelligent Parents	p. 245
What they didn't teach you about kids	p. 247
Managing your own emotions	p. 247
Understanding Where Your Partner Is Coming From	p. 249
Working as a team	p. 250
Managing each other's emotions	p. 251
Keeping Your Cool with Your Child	p. 252
Using Your Emotional Skills to Manage Your Child	p. 254
Managing your impulse control	p. 254
Using empathy as a guide	p. 255
Problem-solving your way through crises	p. 256
Getting a Grip When Dealing with Your Teenager	p. 257
What you should know about flexibility	p. 257
Where stress management comes in handy	p. 258
Managing the Rollercoaster Teenage Years	p. 259
Keeping self-regard on an even keel	p. 260
Gauging your teenager's interpersonal skills	p. 261
Showing your teenager social responsibility	p. 261
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child	p. 263
Understanding Your Child	p. 264
Modeling empathy early	p. 264
Reading your child's moods	p. 265
Helping Your Child Become More Aware of His Emotions	p. 266
Using exercises in self-awareness	p. 267
Connecting emotions and consequences	p. 268
Managing Your Child's Withdrawn Behaviors	p. 270
Why some children are shy	p. 270
Bringing your child out of her shell	p. 271
Managing Your Child's Overactive or Aggressive Behaviors	p. 272
The ADHD epidemic	p. 272
Knowing whether your child has ADHD	p. 273
Why so many children behave aggressively	p. 274
How to tell whether your child is too aggressive	p. 276
The importance of callous and unemotional characteristics	p. 277
Getting your child to be less oppositional and defiant	p. 278
Making Your Teenager More Aware of Emotional Intelligence	p. 279
Talking to your teen about emotions	p. 280
Getting your teenager to read books such as this one	p. 281
Helping Your Teenager Become More Emotionally Intelligent	p. 282
Putting theory into practice	p. 283
Letting them discover their own emotional intelligence	p. 283
The Part of Tens	p. 285
Ten Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence	p. 287
Become More Self-Aware	p. 287
Express Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs	p. 288
Discover Your Inner Passions	p. 289
Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses	p. 289
Walk in the Other Person's Moccasins	p. 290
Manage Another Person's Emotions	p. 291
Be Socially Responsible	p. 292
Manage Your Own Impulses	p. 293
Be More Flexible	p. 294
Be Happy	p. 295
Ten Ways to Help Difficult People with Their Emotional Intelligence	p. 297
Taking the Indirect Approach	p. 298
Having a Talk	p. 299
Knowing Whether You've Been Heard	p. 299
Gauging the Intention to Change	p. 300
Giving Feedback	p. 300
Providing Strategies	p. 301
Checking Progress	p. 301
Exploring the Effect of Poor Behavior	p. 302
Explaining in Different Ways	p. 303
Selling on Benefits	p. 303
Ten Ways to Make the World a More Emotionally Intelligent Place	p. 305
Caring for Others	p. 305
Focusing on Other People	p. 306
Working on Yourself	p. 307
Helping Your Family	p. 307
Giving Back to Your Community	p. 308
Improving Your Workplace	p. 308
Bringing Back Civility	p. 309
Reducing Hate	p. 309
Taking Up a Cause for Your Country	p. 310
Changing Your World	p. 310
Appendix: Resources for Emotional and Social Intelligence	p. 313
Books	p. 313
Web Sites and Other Resources	p. 314
Index	p. 317
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