Empty Cradle, Broken Heart

by Davis, Deborah L.

• ISBN13: 9781555913021
• ISBN10: 1555913024
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 1999-12-01
• Publisher: Fulcrum Pub

Summary

The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects thousands of U.S. families every year. Empty Cradle, Broken Heartoffers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair after such tragedy. Deborah Davis encourages grieving and makes suggestions for coping. This book strives to cover many different kinds of loss, including information on issues such as the death of one or more babies from a multiple birth, pregnancy interruption, and the questioning of aggressive medical intervention. There is also a special chapter for fathers as well as a chapter on "protective parenting" to help anxious parents enjoy their precious living children. Doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, and other support persons can gain special insight. Most importantly, parents facing the death of a baby will find necessary support in this gentle guide. If reading this book moves you to cry, try to accept this reaction. Your tears merge with those of other grieving parents. A purpose of this book is to let bereaved parents know that they are not alone in their grief. With factual information and the words and insights of other bereaved parents, you can establish realistic expectations for your grief. Empty Cradle, Broken Heartis meant to help you through these difficult experiences by giving you things to think about, providing suggestions for coping and encouraging you to do what youneed to survive your baby's death. Whether your baby dies recently or long ago, this information can be useful to you.

Author Biography

Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D., is a developmental psychologist who specializes in perinatal bereavement, parent education, and child development. She is also a member of the advisory board for Pen-Parents, the international network for bereaved parents

Table of Contents

Preface	xi
Acknowledgments	xv
A Parent's Lonely Grief	1	(8)
The ``D'' Word	1	(1)
A Violation of Expectations	2	(1)
The Depth of Your Loss	3	(1)
Special Difficulties	4	(4)
Points to Remember	8	(1)
Grieving and Emotional Recovery	9	(12)
Grieving: A Bewildering Process	9	(4)
Common Grieving Emotions	13	(5)
The Bittersweet Path to Resolution	18	(1)
Surviving Grief	19	(1)
Points to Remember	20	(1)
Physical Recovery	21	(11)
Breast Care	21	(2)
Dilation and Curettage (D & C)	23	(1)
Cesarean Delivery	23	(1)
Uterine Healing	24	(1)
Episiotomy Care	25	(1)
Postpartum Visits	25	(1)
Sex and Contraception	25	(1)
Fatigue and Sleep	26	(2)
Employment	28	(1)
Diet and Exercise	28	(1)
Relaxation	29	(1)
Alternative Medicine	30	(1)
Points to Remember	31	(1)
The Early Months	32	(16)
Decisions after Your Baby's Death	32	(3)
Bewildering Feelings	35	(12)
Points to Remember	47	(1)
Affirming Your Baby	48	(18)
Memories and Grief	48	(1)
Every Baby Is Important	49	(1)
Remembering Your Baby	50	(10)
Rituals	60	(5)
Points to Remember	65	(1)
Painful Feelings	66	(15)
Failure	69	(2)
Anger	71	(4)
Guilt	75	(3)
Vulnerability	78	(2)
Points to Remember	80	(1)
Resolution of Grief	81	(16)
The Journey to Resolution	82	(7)
Making Sense of Tragedy	89	(3)
Anniversary Reactions	92	(1)
Thinking about What Might Have Been	93	(1)
Keys to Survival	94	(1)
Getting Help	95	(1)
Points to Remember	96	(1)
Making Peace with Agonizing Decisions	97	(14)
Decisions Parents Face	97	(2)
Wrestling with Life and Death Decisions	99	(1)
The Decision	100	(3)
Facing Death	103	(2)
Living with the Decision	105	(5)
Points to Remember	110	(1)
Especially for Fathers	111	(13)
Social Expectations	111	(1)
Invisible Grief	112	(4)
Reclaiming Your Emotions	116	(5)
A Father's Unfinished Grief	121	(2)
Points to Remember	123	(1)
You and Your Partner	124	(12)
Sharing Thoughts and Feelings	124	(1)
Accepting Your Differences	125	(3)
Reassurance	128	(1)
Tolerating Change and Conflict	129	(3)
Can Our Relationship Survive?	132	(1)
Parents without Partners	133	(2)
Points to Remember	135	(1)
Your Family	136	(18)
Your Baby's Grandparents	136	(2)
Other Relatives	138	(1)
Other Children in the Family	139	(14)
Points to Remember	153	(1)
Support Networks	154	(22)
Friends	154	(9)
Parents Support Groups	163	(4)
Counseling	167	(2)
Healthcare Providers	169	(4)
Spirituality and Religion	173	(2)
Points to Remember	175	(1)
The Subsequent Pregnancy: Trying Again	176	(15)
Should We Try Again?	176	(1)
When Should We Try Again?	177	(4)
When Partners Are on Different Timetables	181	(2)
Can We Get Pregnant?	183	(1)
Prenatal Care	184	(6)
Points to Remember	190	(1)
Coping during Subsequent Pregnancy and Birth	191	(14)
The Pregnancy	191	(8)
The Birth	199	(2)
Coping after the Birth	201	(2)
Another Loss	203	(1)
Points to Remember	204	(1)
Raising Subsequent Children	205	(15)
Heightened Appreciation	205	(1)
Overprotectiveness	205	(6)
The Replacement Child	211	(3)
Talking about the Baby Who Died	214	(2)
Multiple Birth Survivors	216	(3)
Points to Remember	219	(1)
Protective Parenting	220	(15)
Following Your Nurturing Instincts	220	(4)
Wanting to Be the Best Parent Possible	224	(7)
Protective Parenting in Action	231	(1)
Balancing Career and Motherhood	232	(1)
Reconsidering How Many Children to Raise	233	(1)
Points to Remember	234	(1)
Remembering Your Baby and Moving On	235	(22)
Remembering	236	(1)
Moving On	237	(1)
Remembering, Moving On	238	(1)
Song for an Empty Cradle	239	(2)
Appendices
Appendix A---A Note to Caregivers	241	(6)
Appendix B---Journal Writing: A Tool for Grieving, Healing and Growth	247	(4)
Appendix C---Resources for Bereaved Parents	251	(6)
Bibliography	257	(6)
Index	263